On Men..Again

I’ve been having nightmares again. Yeah, the ones about men. Men trying to stab me with syringes and knives. Men trying to rob me and kidnap me. I thought I was past this. I hate that I still feel this way and I’m working hard to get over it. I ordered a book that was recommended to me called Ex-Free: 9 Keys To Freedom After Heartbreak and I read it in one sitting since it was very short.

Right away I could tell that it wasn’t exactly what I was looking for since I harbor no bitterness towards my EX for breaking up with me. I’m glad he did. I ain’t looking back. I’m not holding on to him at all, I just wish we could have a better relationship. Nearly 7 years after we broke up, he still seems to be angry and bitter towards me. I have relatively little experiences with men that differ from what I’ve experienced with him. I’m wondering if it is possible to meet a man in real life (as opposed to fans of my blog) who could treat me with tenderness and be a real friend to me without needing something from me in return.

My 2nd book which I’m now in the process of writing is about men who don’t treat you right. Although the title was chosen to elicit shock and more as a catchphrase, it’s really about how to handle those negative experiences with men better. Hopefully, as I write it, I’ll be able to heal myself. I plan to write the whole thing this month. Wish me luck!

I have a lot going on in my world these days. Many new opportunities have presented themselves and I’m exploring each one which would mean developing a new skillset that would make me more valuable as a person. I’m open to change because I realize change is indicative of growth. I love the woman I am becoming and I love who I see in the mirrow each day; a woman who is fearless, vibrant and embracing the process of BEING and BECOMING.

I am thoroughly enjoying facebook my 2nd time around. I think I like the people on my friends list so much better this time and it’s so cool to reconnect with people from my youth and see how they are living great lives and enjoying themselves.

I think I made a new girlfriend, which doesn’t happen often because I’m not pressed to make friends and my standards are very rigid when it comes to friendship. But…I like this woman. She reminds me of me in a lot of ways. She was heartbroken over a failed relationship when I met her and now she seems to have recognized the issue and moved on. She’s even actively dating again. As I listen to her stories about the weird guys she is meeting I am fascinated by her unwillingness to compromise on what she really wants. She affirms that she is looking for someone who has the same character that she has and immediately lets go of men who don’t exhibit those qualities.

I’m just like that. Today I was about to update my facebook status when the thought came to me: Men are dispensable. I mean, they really are. I can’t think of a single man whose absence in my life would actually mean that I would be missing out on something major. I saw the White Boy from this past summer and he RAN when he saw me. I thought that was funny. Dude, I’m not even thinking about you. Men are so stupid. Well, THAT man is.

All the while Ruby is enjoying her new relationship. We talk on the phone now more often and I’m glad for our healed friendship. She is in love again and it happened just as she was saying that she wasn’t interested in a relationship. She met him at a wedding and they clicked immediately. They are involved in a long distance relationship and when I speak to her she still sounds like the same Ruby I’ve always known, except happier now that her life is turning around. Did I mention Ruby’s new man is white? Yep, she snagged her a caucasion, which makes sense to me since the women I know who date white men report that they treat them better and honor them.

Ahh… All around me I keep meeting women who are so dissatisfied because they are single. They feel like something is wrong with them. I can’t wait for my first book to be published so they can read it and move on with their lives. That single and sad shit is for the birds. Why be discontent with who you are at this moment? You’ll never get this moment back. You’re wasting your life worrying about if someone will ever love you.

I know I wonder about that too, but it doesn’t stop me from moving forward with my goals so it hasn’t become a problem. I know I’m intelligent, fine, sassy and brilliant. I want every woman to recognize their brilliance and BECOME the same type of man they hope to attract. I know I am.

See, I am settling for nothing less than a brilliant, creative, wealthy man of integrity who is known for his integrity and positive contributions to society. I can’t meet him while I’m dragging my feet and wishing on a star for him to show up. I’ll probably meet him when I am among the same caliber of people that he runs with. Nope, I won’t remain stagnant wishing for a saviour. I’m chasing my dream of being the catalyst for others to achieve their dreams and somewhere along the way, I know he’ll show up panting and gasping for air because he’s trying to keep up with ME!

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