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Update

What day is it?

Time goes by so quickly these days.

Um…I’ve never felt like this before but..I feel dumb in my classes this semester. I’m not gonna stress that, I’ll be alright. I need to buy the book, maybe that will help.

I haven’t been doing that well on my marketing job. I guess I got lucky that first week because I haven’t gotten any families to say YES since then. Every day it’s rejection after rejection after rejection.

No, no, no, no, no. I don’t take it personally but It’s getting me down because honestly it’s not worth the gas money I use to drive down there. I’m almost about to give up, but somehow I know I can do it. I’m gonna keep trying.

A few days ago I learned how to stop the families. When you’re trying to get random people to listen to you, you can’t walk with them or run after them. Then they won’t take you seriously, it seems like you are begging. So, you walk up to them, try to make eye contact and give your opening line. If they respond, then you stand tall and tell them you have more information if they follow you.

Yesterday I learned how to get them to follow me back to my main location. That’s where all the brochures and information is. I’ve been told that if they come back with you to the location, then they will most likely say yes.

So…I never could get anyone to go back to the location with me until yesterday when one of the top marketers said, “You have to tell them to follow you and then turn around and walk away. You have to have the confidence that they are going to follow you.”

So…the next time I walked up to a family I got them to stop, I felt great, then I invited them to follow me and I told myself, “They’re going to follow you.” and I turned around and walked away.

THEY FOLLOWED ME!

~phew~

To be honest once we got back to the location I was so happy I didn’t know what to say to them and I didn’t get the commission but at least I’m getting better.

I would love to be a master salesman. I’m going to try harder.

What else?

Oh yeah…Kim’s fiance texted me a couple of days ago telling me that he thinks my book should be released as an audiobook.

I thought that was a great idea so the next day I went to campus to speak with someone in the communications department about using their facilities to record my book. They were very much helpful and one of the professors even offered me a slot on their campus radio station as a DJ.

Why not?

I can host a weekly show. I can practice my producing skills and expand my portfolio. Plus, it’ll be fun. You never know what could come from this.

Training starts next week.

My jits are fine. My friends are all better than fine and my sister is doing great. My roommates are pretty cool. They’re all Hispanic but I rarely see them since I work so much and by the time I get home they are in bed already.

One night I got back and they were all in the living room smoking out.

“Hey!” I asked them. “Are ya’ll meditating? Can I meditate too?”

They laughed and passed it to me.

All I have in my room is a fouton and a bunch of clothes all over the place. I can’t wait to get a TV and a dresser and a rug to make it more homey but I’m not gonna do that until the chick turns on the internet for me. She promised to when I first moved in and I’m gonna give her one more week before I look for another place to stay for October. I can’t keep living like this.

Not having internet at home makes me feel like I’m going to jail at the end of the day. Since I work evenings and overnight, when I do have time to sleep I’d like to relax and write or chat or read up on my favorite inspirational blogs before I pass out. I don’t like having to go to campus early or sit in Panera Bread all the time.

I WANT MY INTERNET!

Since I don’t have a boyfriend, it is the only thing that relaxes me. Sorry, I’m PMS’ing and I’m cranky because, I must have ADD because I can’t pay attention in class for the entire 3 hours. After an hour I tune out. I can’t help it. I start humming and asking crazy questions just to keep myself awake.

~sigh~

Nothing else happening.

No boyfriend. No sex. Don’t want any either.

I still love working at Denny’s, making people feel good is what I love to do.

Hugs to you all…. Thanks for checking up on me.

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Therapy People

Man…These People

The students in my grad program are so real. They are so different yet, they remind me of me. They’re so honest and helpful to each other.They are always so real about their issues and their paths.

You can ask them anything and they’ll tell you the whole truth. Not just the truth most people want you to hear but the real truth. The discussions we have are amazing. The best thing about grad schoolis we are all there to learn. We want to do well, we want to help people. There is not one person there who is not passionate about becoming a therapist.

There are very few men in the marriage/family/couples program so one day I saw one in my class and I went up to him and asked, “Why did you choose this program?”

He looked at me and said, “I’m a good listener.” Then he clasped his hands and shifted his body to the right. “And my parents divorced when I was little. I guess I want to learn how to do better so that won’t happen to me.”

This other woman I met my first semester when she came up to tell me that she really liked my presentation. She’s a student of positive thinking too. We trade book recommendations and discuss new authors. At that point, she was engaged to her boyfriend and over the summer they got married.

I asked her, “So, has anything changed since you’ve been married?”

“Yes.” she said. “But I can’t say what.”

“After the honeymoon?” I asked.

“Yes. The wedding was beautiful, the honeymoon was perfect but when we got home it was like, ‘OK What do we do now?’Something is different. I can’t even identify it.”

Then we started talking about the evolution of the modern couple versus couples back in the 50’s. Her desire is to train couples BEFORE they get married about the transition between single and married life. I think that is excellent because I want to train couples in distress but I really want to train highschool kids about relationships. I wish someone would have caught me THEN, before I started wandering around out there messing with boys.

I would have listened to them.

This one woman I met my first semester. It was her first semester too. We had all of our classes together and this semester we have one too. We always check on each other’s progress and motivate each other. We’re headed in similar directions I think except she wants to go for the PhD and I’ve been entertaining the idea but I’m not 100% sold on it yet.

It seems like so much hassle just to say you’re a doctor of marriage/family counseling. Hmmm…Well, I guess the biggest benefit would be the research you would contribute to the field. Like, all of the psychologists and therapists that we are studying had to be in graduate school at some point. Maybe I could contribute something great.

But dang…I don’t know if I’m one of those types. A doctorate?

Dawg, that’s crazy…

I guess I’ll deal with it when it gets here. When I emailed my professor the list of the next 3 books that I plan to publish and my ideas for a research article she wrote me back and said, “Let’s schedule a meeting to discuss this.”

And…she even spoke with our department chair about helping me to organize a workshop surrounding my book topic. The chair requested a copy of my book. Damn….I’m so nervous to send it.

I mean, the people who read my blog do so because they like my crazy life and/or my writing style. But…those who haven’t fallen in love with my writing yet, may not understand how I came to the conclusions about life that I have due to my unique life experiences.

I’m nervous but I am going to send it. Let’s just hope for positive results and believe that what God has for me is for me.

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Keep It Pushin

Lately, I’ve been getting a lot of great feedback on my writing. Which is weird because I haven’t written anything professionally in a month.

This blog is being featured on different popular websites and my parenting blog is really getting better traffic but my editor says I could do so much more with it and she wants me to be more dedicated to it.

With this new radio show that I’m producing about relationships and hopefully, the workshops that I am coordinating about my book, which is also about relationship status, I’m kinda feeling a little ~whispering~ successful.

And the crazy thing is, I’m feeling so guilty about it all. I can’t update my websites regularly with no internet connection and people are STILL signing up to be notified of when I update. I don’t know when I’ll be able to update.

But the REAL thing I feel conflicted about is…Man…I want to be with my sons. I mean, I’m making strides in my career and I really believe that a foundation is being laid for something great it’s just…

I want to take care of them AND still be able to lay this foundation.

I don’t believe I can’t have it all. I can and I will..I just..wish it would hurry up.

In the meantime while I’m waiting for my dream to meet my reality I stay connected to positive people and just…keep it pushin.

Anyway..I stopped by Panera for a quick internet fix. I’m on my way to work.

God bless.

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Obama People Got Me

I was at work yesterday when a very nice young lady approached me.

“Have you registered to vote yet?” she asked.

“Um, I voted in the last presidential election but haven’t voted since.”

“Well, we’ll get you re-registered just to be sure,” she said and asked for my information.

This encounter made me think of my friend Michael who is now working for the Obama campaign. He started out by moving to Georgia to volunteer by coordinating voter registeration efforts. As we updated each other on our progress I learned that he was so good at encouraging people to volunteer for the campaign that he was given a promotion, a free place to live, a free car to drive and a small gas and food stipend.

Then, they decided to pay him a nice salary to continue doing a good job.

I’m so proud of him, but when the Obama people caught me, I had to laugh and think to myself, “Obama’s crew is doing a great job, I’m glad they got Michael.

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I Got My Internet Back!

Thank you God!
I really, really appreciate it.
And thank you for always taking such good care of me.
Try to remind me that what I need is always on its way to me.
I don’t need to sweat for even a minute.
Every connection is divinely mapped out and all I need do is keep being who I am.
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Making Moves in Miami

Man…

It feels so weird to write from “home” again. I guess while I’m still getting used to this new “home” having the internet makes things a lot better.
I still don’t know what I’m doing with my life. I’m in limbo over my marketing job. The money I’m making barely covers the money I spend on gas and parking everyday. I’m disheartened when I get my paycheck but I really, really like doing that job. I just don’t know if it’s worth not being able to see my kids more often.
I do enjoy being there. I get to be nice to people all day. I get to offer them gifts and give them things they want and help them to have a good time while in Miami. I’m meeting couples and families on vacation from all over the world. When I’m talking to a couple and trying to get them to listen to the timeshare presentation, after they agree I’m walking them to the presentation and I have some time to ask them about their relationship beliefs and patterns, how they met and what were some of the things that attracted them to their spouse. Most of the people I talk to are Black so I’m meeting Black couples from everywhere.

The best thing I’ve learned so far is that there are relationships that don’t have the cussing, fussing and fighting. One Black couple told me they choose not to talk like that.

On the other end of the job front, I’m still at Denny’s and I love every second of it.

Even when I fight with the cooks or spill the milkshakes, I still feel like a shining star. Contrary to popular belief Black people tip wayyyy higher than other races, at least those who sit at my tables.

I meet all kinds of people at Denny’s. Homeless people come in sometimes for a glass of water. There’s a whole crew of people who came in around 2am and drink coffee. My favorite station is the one that invludes the counter so I can wait on the drifters.

I imagine that I’m the chick ‘Alice’ from that diner show that came on back in the day. I pour them coffee and chat them up.

Man! One night these three FINE ASS men came up in that restaurant and sat right at the counter. They all sat down while I was waiting on another table and I looked up and was like, “Mmm mmm mmm.”

I walked over there and said, “Hi, How ya’ll doin? My name is Ms. Tee and I’ll be taking very good care of you guys this morning. May I start you off with a drink? Coffee maybe?”

I’m looking all coy, lowering my eyelashes like I’m shy and shit knowing at any given time I could just pick one and take him home. So i sized them up. The two on opposite ends were light skinned, low cut, clean cut, looking nice, but the one in the middle– MANDINGO!

That man was pitch black with immaculately groomed dreads and a perfect smile. He stood out next to those light skinned brothas like a red flag in a snow storm. He was georgeous. I didn’t flirt with them, but I looked at him right in his eye a couple of times. I couldn’t help it. He didn’t have a ring but with a body, face and charming personality like that, he HAD to at least have a girlfriend.

I’ve never seen anyone else that I thought was attractive come in there though they flirt with me anyway. When it’s guys, I just smile and nod my head like I enjoy it but really I’m thinking, “Do you know how many times a day I hear that you dummy. Do something different. Leave me a $100 tip.” Shit.

But most of the time I’m waiting on young couples and college kids. The two servers who make the most money in the restaurant all have developed a certain rappore with the guests. As one server described it, “They talk shit to the customers.”

~smile~

I’m going through my training for the radio program tomorrow. They are giving me a morning slot and I’m trying to make it fun. I’m so nervous. You know I can’t produce some crap and put my name on it, I’m gonna produce this show like it’s gonna be on NBC.

Oh, let me tell you a little about my plans. It’s a relationship based program but it’s about all types of relationships. I’m inviting people to call in and ask relationship questions and then I’ll have skits and then I’ll have real therapists sit in and offer advice along with comediennes too.

I actually asked a comedienne I know if she’ll agree to appear regularly and she said yes. All of my friends are pitching in. I’ve decided to include them in the line-up. I asked each one of them if they wouldn’t mind me sharing their love lives on the radio, the way I do on my blog and each one agreed. They even agreed to call in and give me a 2nd opinion on the issues I present.

I told my boys that I would have them as my first guests on the show, but then I found out that my show would be in the morning and they’d have to miss 2 hours of their school to attend. I don’t know.

I’m in search of an agent. A talent or literary agent, but really I’d like someone who could do it all. A person who has the connections to be able to take all of my gifts, help me make a plan and then implement the phases gradually and be able to negotiate the best deals fairly. I need someone speaking on my behalf while I do the work and they collect the money and make more engagements.

Man…I know I got it, I don’t understand why no one else has recognized it yet.

I’m a speaker, a writer, a philosopher, a poet, I do spoken word, I am a television personality, radio broadcast personality, editor, inspirational speaker, event planner, hostess and I’m damn good at blogging.

I’m just…a hidden treasure I guess. I keep trying to tell people and to show them what I can do because everything I do, I do well. I’m not trying to brag I’m just recognizing that dang man…when I try something it comes out extremely well.

It’s like amazing to me….I feel like has blessed me with the ability to create miracles yet no one cares to see. Am I doing something wrong? Am I not creating enough, am I not smiling enough, am I not giving enough?

Show me the path and I’ll walk it… I’m being so sincere.

~sigh~

Be patient child. Be patient.
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On Your Way Over There

My boys are finally asleep.

We wrestled, watched TV and cuddled for hours before I made them calm down and get some rest. Tonight was our first night together since before the summer. It feels so good to be able to be with them again in my own place, no one to ask permission or to be annoyed by us chatting late into the night. I am so grateful.

My sister and her fiance came by last night to help me to set up my room. Adam assembled my dresser and night stand for me. I appreciate him. I also appreciate being able to pay my rent up in advance due to financial aid. ~get it!~

I saw their Daddy today. He texted me asking me to take the boys to the barber shop since I planned to keep them for the night and when I showed up, he came in a half hour later.

~shakes head~

Sometimes when I see him I have to sit and stare as I ask myself what the fuck I was thinking when I was with him. He’s not an ugly dude at all, it’s just…all I can say is, my standards have raised so much since I met him.

I’m no longer interested in men who TALK about making big moves, I’m more attracted to those who have made them already. I mean, I guess holding down the same job for several years is an accomplishment when you think about how much crap you go through with any company. But to me, it’s still not enough to impress me (well, when it comes to a man).

I kinda see that as stagnant. Ok, you have held the same job for 5 years, you can follow directions, I see that. Congrats.

It just doesn’t lend the same awe and excitement of meeting someone who had a dream and they took risks to accomplish it.

THAT is what I admire.

I guess I admire my own reflection.

It’s funny but I see so many couples at BOTH of my jobs and I can see a common thread in their physical appearances and mental states. Every couple I meet just LOOKS like they belong together. The couples I meet look so much alike that I sometimes think they are related. They talk alike. They think alike. They even look like they shop at the same stores.

I guess we are all looking for ourselves in a sense.

You hear it all the time…I want someone who treats me like I treat them. But then, it’s crazy that what we have rarely matches up to what we give. We don’t have what we give because we don’t really believe we deserve what we really want. So…we hold on to what we have, hoping for it to become what we want.

It won’t.

It is what it is.

So today as I sat looking at him I asked myself, “What the fuck were you thinking? Is he really what you thought you deserved? Is this man really what you wanted? Why did you stay for so long?”

The answer is simple: Yes, he is what I thought I deserved. But that was before I was able to recognize my true value and I needed him to validate me as a person. I searched for his approval so much that when I never got it, I hated myself.

How crazy is that?

Now…that man couldn’t even feel on my booty. Funny how I had two kids with him.

Life is crazy..

The only thing I do know is…you can never be sure about anything. Everything changes in a flash and nothing you see in front of you is going to be the same a few months from now.

While you are where you are, treat people with respect and courtesy because you never know when it will be your turn to be in their shoes.

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Are You Really A DJ?

I’m up late tonight, planning out my new radio show. I’m trying to reach back in my mind to the time when I worked for Tom.Joyner and how his production staff planned the show but since I didn’t actually work in production I guess I’ll have to wing it.
The most difficult part about becoming a DJ is the fact that..um..I don’t even have a music collection. How am I supposed to play songs? I desperately need DJ Diva’s help or at least some inspiration.
I went to my first training session at the station and I was sitting there looking at all the buttons and switchers like, what the hell am I supposed to do with this?
My next step is to sit in on someone else’s radio program to watch them work, hopefully it will help me to learn more quickly.
I know this doesn’t seem like much because I’m not getting paid to do this, but I feel good about it because it is expanding my skill set and all I have left to accomplish is getting some actual broadcast television experience. I’ve worked behind the scenes at a news station but being in front of the camera is completely different.
I’m excited and nervous and hopeful and exhausted. I had my sister’s fiance create some theme music for me and Tamara and I have been going back and forth about the name of my show. We have one picked out but…I’m still open.
We’ll see how this all goes down. If I can get back to the studio this week to train some more, I’ll probably be on the air by this coming Friday night. I’ll let you know what happens. I changed my program time to Friday evenings from 10 to midnight. Tamara says it’s a perfect time slot because a lot of single people are at home and don’t have anything to do.
You can listen online so I’ll be sure to post the links when things are more official.
~crossing fingers~