Appreciative Mode

Man…

Today I experienced the greatest feeling. As I lounged back on my bed working on my articles I smiled to myself as I thought, “Dang, living with my parents ain’t so bad.”

All I have to do is vacuum the floor once in a while and wash the dishes at night. I don’t cook, I don’t do any hard core cleaning and they always cook, I never have to.

Now for a minute as I experienced this extreme appreciation for where I am right now, a little voice said, “But what about your goals? But what about the things you want to do?”

I just said, “Whatever.”

I’m here right now and all I can do is enjoy it.

My children are fine. I’m a straight A student. I’m doing well, working on improving myself.

I need a haircut or a hair-do but..life is pretty good.

Yep, it is.

I’m alright.

HairPolitic Opening Reception in Brooklyn

I almost cried when I checked my voicemail this evening.

It was a message from Kenya, “Hey Ms. Tee I just want to let you know that I am so feeling your positive vibes about tomorrow. I’m feeling good, I’m relaxed and it’s almost here. I’m feeling you girl. Call me when you get a chance.”

This message was wild because all day long I had been thinking about her and the event she’s putting on in Brooklyn tomorrow.
It’s called Hairpolitic and she actually created the art work that is on display, wrote the grant to be able to fund it, organized the opening at the MoCada and then made all the marketing materials because she’s a designer and then marketed it herself because she is a strategic brand marketer.

I can’t wait to hear all about it!

Good Luck GIRL!

Mr. Nice Guy

Well…

I think I manifested a nice guy. I met him a long time ago, but never paid him any attention. Now he calls me everyday and does so many nice things for me like cook, take me shopping and gives me whatever I want.

I’m trying not to feel bad about the fact that even though he’s the sweetest man I’ve encountered in a long time, I have absolutely no attraction to him. There is no limbic connection PLUS he wants to live in Miami for the rest of his life.

~shakes head~

Not ME! I want to explore and experience some more and I want my boys to experience different cities and countries too.

Well..I’m not gonna tell him to stop being sweet.

I plan to enjoy it!

Say Goodbye With Ease

I was chatting with a guy today on SL.

He’s an artist and he just won an art competition. I thought that was pretty hot.

But today he was upset because a woman he met asked him not to contact him again on SL. He started going off about how he doesn’t even like her because she’s involved in SL slavery. He was trying to get me to say how wrong it is and how we should ban together to fight slavery on SL.

I was like… ~shrugs~

First of all, SL is a place people CHOOSE to be. And it’s a place where you can role play your deepest fantasies. Why would I war against people who are choosing to engage in slavery on SL?

He couldn’t understand my point of view. He tried to engage me in an argument that slavery is having no choice over your life and why would anyone choose that.

I shrugged.

They choose it because that’s what they want for their life.

He argued that they need to awaken their mentality and choose life.

I shrugged. I told him that I can’t fight anyone’s battle for them, especially when they don’t believe they have a battle to fight.

Then I told him that he shouldn’t be upset that she removed herself from his life. There were obvious differences in lifestyle and leisure activities. Everyone doesn’t enjoy the same things, why hold on to people if you have to change them to fit into your mold?

I’m kinda into non resistance, man.

If you wanna go away..bye.

If you don’t want me to stay..I’ll leave.

I’m not trying to infringe my lifestyle or choices on you, man.

If I disagree I’ll just fall back from you, man.

No biggie. We just aren’t headed in the same direction. It’s no one’s fault.

Don’t try to hold onto someone who is pushing you away. Though relationships should be a mutual agreement to give love and support, most relationships are built around power. You give away your power when you run behind someone who is not interested in you. They hold all the power because they will not compromise to keep you and you will, just to keep them.

When someone is yours they won’t walk away.

That’s it. Point blank. I know it’s hard to believe but it’s true. You don’t have to strategically position yourself or chase anyone down.

You are a powerful magnet for everything that is yours and you have to do nothing but be open to receive, believeing that you deserve every good thing that is about to come into your life.

Random Days

I had a great time tonight.

My guyfriend picked me up and took me to CoCo Walk for drinks and then we had some wings at Hooters. I always wanted to wear that Hooters outfit!

After we just walked and talked and it felt so great to be out with someone who wasn’t expecting anything from me and who just liked to be nice to me. He wants to hang out this weekend but I don’t know…I’m not into the whole double dating thing plus, I don’t know that I like for him to do so many things for me when I know he’ll never get any cootchie out of me because I don’t like him like that.

My life is great lately. I’ve been so happy and blessed and writing more articles than I ever have. I’m enjoying being a journalist, a writer and a virtual show producer so much.

The only drawback is the fact that I’m still working with this virtual company and everything in me is telling me that this isn’t what I’m supposed to be doing.

I literally feel a pain in my heart when I have to interact with the other members of the team. I don’t know why. I’m good at what I do. I really am, I just don’t have any interest whatsoever in producing news.

Today I sent them an email outlining my goals for the next 3 months with their virtual company. I gave them a date that will be my last day there and I eagerly anticipate that day coming quickly. Until then, I’ve given them my word so I’ll help out as much as I can.

Hmm…Maybe it’s just my internal fear of having another job knowing my past with them hasn’t been the greatest.

I don’t know why but..I’d rather just work at home by myself. I don’t like the nonsense that comes along with working for a corporation. It seems that things are never about WORK, it’s always some extra drama, even in the virtual world.

I’m not into that. I wish I could work with professional people who have set goals and want to achieve them without the extra BS.

Maybe that’s what I’ll manifest next!

All of my manifestations have been coming to me so easily, I feel like a master at this.

Next on my list is my own home with my sons before the summer begins. It’s gonna take a miracle but..hey…miracles happen everyday.

…Just look at how great my boys are!

Ass On Parade

When I went to pick up my sons from school yesterday, my 5 year old looked at me, nudged his brother and asked, “Who is that?”

I cracked up laughing as his brother said, “That’s Mommy” and he ran over to me and hugged me.

“Did you grow your hair, Mama?” he asked excitedly.

“Something like that, baby.” I told him.

After I dropped them off to their Dad’s, I went to class and almost fell asleep. I was up late the night before working on that Second Life project and I had so many errands to run that I didn’t catch up on my sleep.

On my way home I get a call from Raycita asking me if I wanted to go to Karu&Y. I told her I did and that I’d get dressed and call her back. But when I called her to find out where it was located and she told me downtown I changed my mind about going. I wasn’t in the mood to battle the Memorial Day traffic down there so since I was already dressed I rode up to Pembroke Pines to Iguanas but the line was all the way around the corner and I don’t wait in lines so I drove my tired behind back home and sat down to write.

I’m on the phone with Kenya when I get a call from The Perfect Man. “I’m in town for one night before I head out of the country for my bachelor party, let’s meet up.”

I jump my tired behind up and get dressed again and ride out to meet up with him and his friends. It was so good to see him. It had been a year since we met up in Dallas. He looked even better than I remembered and he later told me that he lost weight.

“Where are we going?” I asked him as more friends of his pulled up in the parking lot.

Diamonds, come ride with me,” he said.

I hopped into his car and we chatted all the way to the cabaret. The night air was hot and sticky as we waited in live to get in. Although I was the only female with his crew, I didn’t mind.

Hmm..Another strip club, let’s see what these chicks look like.

When I walked in, my eyes grew wide…

I was literally like DAYUMMMMM! Those chicks were BAD. Not a stretch mark in the place…seriously.

Soon drinks started flowing my way and my smile kept getting wider and wider.

The DJ made an announcement and all the ladies walked onto the stage smiling and showing off.

“Two for the price of one!” the DJ announced and I leaned over to Donovan and laughed.

“Pick one,” he told me.

I looked over at him with a confused expression.

“Pick one,” he repeated.

As they marched off the stage I spotted the cutest chick and approached her. “Would you come and dance for my friend?” I asked her.

“Sure,” she smiled.

I led her over to Donovan and he spoke to her as I watched.

“We’re going in tha back,” he told me.

WHAT?!! My heart began to race. THE BACK?!!

The BACK is the private rooms, the grinding room!

OH SHIT!

But I followed her back there and Donovan appeared a minute later.

She looked at me and smiled down, her big brown eyes shining, her skin seemed to glow. “He told me to give you a friction dance.”

WHAT?!!!!!

“Huh? He did?”

She laughed, “Yes, he did.”

I looked over at him and he smiled at me. Another dancer appeared and they both smiled down at me.

“Which one do you want first?” he asked.

“This one,” I responded, pointing to the creamy smooth chick standing beside me.

Donovan handed me a stack of bills and the dancer said,”Have a seat.” I complied, melting into the black leather love seat.

I was completely in anther world the entire duration of the dance. First of all, that chick was fine as hell. Her skin was so perfect, her body was so perfect that I wanted to lick her. She smelled good, her hair was great.

“Do you like dancing for women?” I asked her as she turned around and bent over, showing me her goods.

“Yeah, I do. But only because the men that usually want to come back here are perverts and the women are nicer.”

“So what am I supposed to do?” I asked.

“Well, you can touch me if you want to.”

So….I did.

I ran my hands all over her body. It felt like mine, except a lot less wrinkly. I was kinda turned on but more in shock than anything else as she ground her pelvis into mine and looked deep into my eyes.

When the dance was done I gave her the stack of money Donovan handed to me and he came over to me grinning.

“D..I can’t believe that,” I told him as we walked back to the front of the club.

“You in love, huh?” he asked.

“She was fine.”

The rest of the evening was a blur as I kept sipping on the drinks that were handed to me and dancing near the stage. Donovan and his friends kept handing me money to put in the strippers g- strings and stuff down their boots.

I watched D’s friends get dance after dance from these georgeous women. And I do mean GEORGEOUS. Seriously..this was a top notch strip club for Black women. I want t go back again.

Afterwards we headed to either Denny’s or IHOP, I can’t remember which. I do remember sitting across the table from Donovan and basically going off on him for getting married.

“I’m gonna let that slide because I know it’s the drinks talking and I know how you really are,” he said firmly. “She takes care of me the way I need to be taken care of, Tee. You better stop that.”

I crossed my arms and rolled my eyes.

As we walked out together I said something to him and I remember him saying, “And what do you think is going to happen tonight?”

“I think you’re going to do the right thing and go home,” I answered sadly.

“You’re right,” he said.

When he drove me back to my car I got out and he also got out to give me a hug.

I looked down at the ground.

“Call me when you get home,” he told me.

I rolled my eyes.

“Call me when you get home. Go get in the car…”

I walked over to my car and hopped in, rolling down the window to feel the breeze on my face as I glided down I95 South.

“D. I made it,” I said as I sat in car, parked in front of my house.

“Good.”

“Am I going to see you again?” I asked.

“No, I’m leaving in the morning, Tee. You go get some rest.”

“Bye D.”

I hung up and got out of my car. I sat on the trunk and lit a Black & Mild, puffing hard and feeling the crazy emotions that came with seeing Donovan again.

I called Tamara even though it was after 4am because I really needed to talk.

“Prince, I just hung out with Donovan…” I told her and recounted the night’s events.

“Aww, Tee that was sweet of him. He made sure to see you before he got married. That shows he cares and he didn’t even try anything. See Tee, there are good men out there,” Prince said.

Yeah, I know….

I know…