Month: August 2006

Be Back Soon

This is my last post as Ms. Tee in Miami….

I’m in Miami. My car is all packed up. Apartment is a mess. I’m leaving everything behind. For some reason, when I got here, Miami didn’t feel like home anymore.

No I’m not a traitor, I just know where the next phase of my life begins.

And it begins in Atlanta.

I’m getting on the road again…

Homebound

ATL

I’m here!

I made it safely yesterday afternoon. The ride from Miami wasn’t so bad this time considering that I get lost on the 285 so much I feel like over 90% of my time in Atlanta has been spent on the damn expressway. I stopped in Gainesville and was able to see my girl Tonya and my sorority sister Kim, who both look great! We enjoyed appetizers at Chili’s and talked about the current state of our sisterhood on campus.

I also enjoyed a stress free ride because while I was in Miami I was able to free my mind from several worries including:

1) Whether or not I would be able to see my sons.—-I saw them! We cuddled. I woke up with them in my arms on Sunday morning. I almost melted. They miss me but they are having fun with their Daddy. I told them they would be joing me in Georgia soon.

2) How I would be able to clean out my apartment in 2 days.—I didn’t have to. I gave everything to my lil sister and as a blessing she said she would clean the apartment out for me. All I had to do was pack up my car and leave everything I didn’t want inside. She is putting all of my furniture in storage so that when she gets her new place, she will have everything she needs.

3) My traffic court date to fight my ticket.—Case dismissed. Peace of cake.

4) My old hooptie of a car dilemma. I didn’t know what I would do for transportation.—When I got down there I hopped in my car and it wouldn’t even crank. ~sigh~ So I went to a car dealership recommended by my girl Tamara and drove away in style- I HAVE A NEW CAR!!! It’s my first car with payments ya’ll but I am so grateful because God sent an angel my way to give me a down payment for it and my payments are actually afforable. Now I have to save, save, SAVE so that I can be ahead of myself before my boys come to stay with me. ****As an added blessing I was able to fulfill my heart’s desire by turning over my old car to my cousin so she can fix it up and have reliable transportation.

Wow…

Everything works out.. I have no reason to worry myself sick like I did last week.

Everything works itself out as long as you don’t give up.

I will have regular internet access soon. Be patient with me ok? I’ll be back to updating regularly in no time.

LOVE YA!

Hands On The Wheel

Today I am a woman.

Today I drove all the way to work and didn’t get lost. There I was on the 285 and the moment of truth appeared. 285 or 85North? 285 or 85 North? Do I stay on or get off? Which is it? Which is it?

My heart beat fast and I told myself, “Tee, you can do this!”

I made a decision. 85 North.

I waited and waited and there it was- YAY!- The airport, then a sign that confirmed that I was approaching my final destination- Downtown Atlanta.

Don’t stop get it, get it!

Work it Mama!

Shake that thang!

I felt so GROWN driving my behind to work, navigating traffic. At one point I found myself in a perilous position. I usually try to stay in the right lane so I won’t miss my exit but before I knew it, the right lane curved onto an exit that wasn’t mine! OH NO!

I quickly took a glance in my rearview mirror and…and…I HOPPED OVER TWO WHOLE LANES! YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!

Man! I’m becoming a better driver!

~shaking my thang~

Watch out for Lil Red in the red car with the University of Florida tags!

~poppin that thang~

And I look so pretty today.

~cheese~

That always makes me feel better.

No Problem, No Pain

It doesn’t hurt anymore.

When I call my boys to say goodnight, I can hear her in the background. I picture them all lounging happily, enjoying life- a family.

I used to cringe in pain because I wanted to have the family that she has. I wanted the man that she has. I wanted the life that she has. I envied her. I pitied myself for not being woman enough or pretty enough or smart enough to hold on to the man I loved with everything in me. I wanted to be the wife and proud mother of his children. But that didn’t happen. And you know what?

I don’t hurt anymore.

I’m glad my boys have a woman in their life who loves them like she does. They have nothing but good things to say about her. They think she’s funny. They think she’s pretty. She’s sweet to them and gives them kisses and hugs just like I do.

It’s not a competition between me and her. My relationship with their father didn’t work out, but that doesn’t mean that it was because something was wrong with me. It’s because we weren’t a good fit.

My kids have another woman in their life. A woman who loves their daddy to pieces and treats them as though they are little kings.

That’s nice.

That’s very nice.

And for the first time, in so many years.

I’m okay with that.

I appreciate that.

I’m okay…

Southern Hospitality?

This morning I went to the Jiffy Lube to get my oil checked. The brown skinned mechanic with 3 gold teeth greeted me before I even turned off my car.

“Goodmorning, how many I help you today?”

“Do you do oil changes?”

He smiled. “We sure do.”

The next 20 minutes of my life were the most pleasant 20 minutes I have ever spent in a car shop. Before I could even get comfy I was being educated on the various parts of my car that need maintenance and informed that my car was in tip top shape.

By the time I paid I was on cloud nine. These were actual MEN being..~gulp~ nice to me? Was I dreaming?

After I paid, with a discount included I gathered my reading materials and purse. Before I could even wave goodbye a gentleman appeared to open the door for me. “Have a great day,” he said warmly as I exited the building.

“Thank you,” I replied, puzzled. “You make me feel like a star.”

“You ARE a star,” he told me.

As I approached my car, yet another gentleman stood there proudly holding my door for me.

I gave him a sideways glance and raised my eyebrow.

“Thank you for stopping by,” he said and closed my door.

Huh?

I don’t understand.

I drove away in confusion.

Why are the people here so nice?

Last Friday night Byron took me to this club called Vegas Nights and I almost fell out!

The men who approached me had a totally different flow than the men in Miami.

“Excuse me Miss. I’m Jason. May I have a minute of your time? What’s your name?”

One man bumped into me and quickly apologized, “No disrespect Shawty, I don’t mean to invade your space.” He just walked away. And I was told that this was supposed to be a ‘hood’ club. Huh?

Ok. Shoot me if I seem to be a bit naiive but I’m not used to men being nice to me like that. It’s kinda scary. Why are they acting like that? What do they want?

I am not used to all this friendliness, smiles and chivalry.

~shivers~

It’s scaring me….

No More Vegas Nights

I pull over into an empty parking lot at about 1:30 this afternoon. I’m gagging and I can tell that I’m about to blow.

I open my car door and allow the fresh air to hit my face.

I’m okay. I’m okay. I’m okay.

~gag~

No, I’m not.

I stumble outside near the bushes as my new friend Tina rushes up to me with a few napkins. “You’ll feel better once it’s all out,” she tells me and walks away.

A quick poke inside my throat and I heave- all over the bushes.

yuck.

I heave again.

yuck.

One mo ‘gain.

yuck.

I am relieved.

We both hop into our respective cars and I call her phone, “Let me go home and get some rest, we’ll have to get up later.”

“Okay, Call me when you’re done with your event,” Tina says.

“Aiight Chick.”

I make it safely to Smyrna and run inside my apartment to the bathroom to heave once more. I take off all of my clothes and lie on the bed, panting. My head is throbbing. I feel like death, but I have to get over it because I have an event to cover for the magazine that starts in one hour.

Maybe I’ll take a little nap. That should help.

I lie down and close my eyes, the previous night’s wild activities flooding my thoughts.

Last night…

So Tamara’s old ugly behind went out of town for the weekend, up to New York to see her man. Since Kim is too lazy to drive from Lithonia I knew that I’d have to entertain myself for the evening. The internet is out and television annoys me so I spend a few hours simply laying on the bed thinking about my life and my next goals and how I can accomplish them.

Man…I wanna go out.

I call the tenderoni Byron, remember him? He’s Tamara’s fiance’s little cousin.

“Yeahhh…” he answers the phone.

“Are you at home?”

“No, I’m still at work.”

“Are you going out tonight?”

“Uh…probably not mayne. You trying to go out?”

“Yeah, I’m lonely.”

“Call your girl Kim.”

“Her lazy ass. She aint going nowhere.”

“What about your co workers?”

“I dont know them like that.”

“What about your readers and internet friends.”

“I can’t call them and ask them to hang out with me like that,” I say. “I still haven’t met any of the Atlanta people. Aww…you make me sick. I’ll figure it out.”

“Gajejkkm,” he says.

“Huh?”

“Hekjien,” he says again.

“Oh, that must be that male code talk that I don’t understand yet. I’ll figure it out one day.”

He laughs. “Aaaaaaaaiiighhht.”

He hangs up.

That boy is crazy.

I call my sorority sister Genevieve. “Hey girl, I’m thinking I want to go out.”

“Where are you trying to go?” she asks.

“Um. I only know of one club. That Vegas Nights place. I went there last week.”

“Girl, are you sure? That’s not really our style.”

“I know but I don’t wanna stay in. You feel up to it?”

“Okay. I’ll go. What time you wanna leave?”

“I’ll pick you up at midnight.”

“Ok.”

Ofcourse I get lost on the way to her place. She lives in Smyrna too but her ass can’t give directions to save her life and I can’t follow directions to save mine but I smile when I see the Gamma Sigma Sigma tags on her car and I Lugh when I read the ‘ ~heart~ PUBLIX’bumper sticker. She works in the corporate office for Publix.

We go into her place and I look around. She proudly shows me a picture of her man. That chick knows she is in love! LOL!

Ofcourse I hand her the keys to my car. I hate driving. People hate riding with me while I drive. The only logical thing to do is let her drive.

She finds the club quickly and we find parking and walk down the street to stand in the long line. The club is free. The Black people are plentiful and the women are scanned with metal detectors, our purses are searched and the men are patted down before we are allowed to enter.

“Ok, Jean,” I call her (John) because I like to call her that. “Tonight we are gonna get tipsy and dance, dance, dance.”

“Ok,” she says. “Judging from the looks of this place I have to get right to be up in here. How about we take a shot of patron?”

Patron? I heard of it. Never had it before. Why not?

We order two shots of patron and toast before gulping it down and shimmying to the dance floor.
Now I’ma be honest. It’s cool to be out and hear the songs like ‘Lean Wit’ It, Rock Wit’ It’. I enjoy doing the shoulder lean. I also take pleasure in snapping my fingers and shaking my hips doing the pool palace. I like doing that motorcycle dance they do to that one song. Hey, it’s all fun.

But um…why the hell don’t they play any other songs besides Atlanta artists?!!!

I want to shake my ASS! My ASS people! I’m from Miami dammit. Not a damn booty shake song all night!

~shakes head~

Genevieve is from Miami too and before we know it we are both yawning on the dance floor.

“Let’s go get another drink,” she suggests. It will liven us up.”

“Ok,” I say as we head back to the bar. She orders two cranberry and vodkas and we sashay back to the dance floor. This is when things get interesting.

About 10 minutes later, everything is looking real nice. The guys have gotten cuter. The music is heavenly and we are both hugging and swaying on the dance floor as guys try to dance with us.

I feel like we are in college again! We can’t stop laughing! This whole club is so funny to us! All these guys are dancing with us and we keep laughing at them!

One guy tells me he is from Africa. I roll my eyes. “Hell no!” No African men for me ever again. Once they put it down, you will find yourself sitting outside of their house in your car with your two kids wondering when you turned into a stalker.

We dance and dance until the music ends. We try to compose ourselves as we follow the crowd exiting the club. I don’t understand. We only had two drinks each. We’re not rookies. Why the hell are we so..um…tipsy?

We hold each other and walk to the car. I can hear men yelling obscenities at us. “You bald headed bitch!” one yells at me. I don’t even look back. Some guys notice us walking stiffly to our car and they walk with us, asking us not to drive home.

“Take the keys from her,” one guy says to me.

“Huh? She’s the designated driver. I can’t drive. I had two drinks.”

“Don’t worry,” Genevieve says slowly and flops into the drivers seat. “We won’t leave. We’ll rest a minute.”

“Okay, be safe,” the guys say to us and watch as we both settle in, close and lock our doors.

“Just rest a minute,” she says and I hear her seat as it reclines.

I follow her lead and recline my seat and close my eyes.

We’re still parked outside the club. It’s almost 7am.

“Ok,” she says quickly ans buckles her seat belt. “Let’s go back to my house and finish this nap.”

We make it back to her house quickly and dive under the covers. The alarm rings at 9:30 and I sit up. “Aiight chick, I’ll holla.”

I’m feeling a little rested but my head is killing me. I would go home and sleep the morning away but I promised this woman I met that we’d hang out this morning and I have an event to cover at 3pm. I look at my phone and she has already called me.

I laugh and call her back.

I met this chick on the first day (well..only day) I went out job hunting. She worked at the first place I went to. She is a corporate recruiter. We vibed immediately that day and I told her that I would email her my resume and come back later to finish my skills testing. She seemed really chill. She told me that she was working on her 3rd masters degree. I was like, Dammmmn! Cuz you know I ain’t NEVUH going back to school!

So when I got my job offer the very next day I emailed her and told her that I wouldn’t be back because I found a job but it was nice to meet her and thanks for the help so far. She emailed me back with her phone number saying that we should hang out sometime and I was like, ‘Cool.’

So we planned to get our cars washed together and grab some food and check out the movie Idlewild.

After getting lost, yet AGAIN, I finally found her place in Buckhead and as we cruised downtown to this amazing car detailing place called Cactus, we chatted over the phone and she told me that she was a divorced single mom with a 13 year old daughter and she owned 3 houses out here and was from New York. She told me about her ex hubby and her current guyfriend. We chatted very easily as if we’ve known each other for years.

By the time we got to Cactus we were cool as hell. We left our cars and went over to this gyro place to eat. By the end of the meal I could barely keep my eyes open because my head hurt so much.

But I managed to go back to Cactus, pick up my car and follow her part way back to Buckhead.

“I’m not feeling well,” I tell her using the speakerphone option on my cell while I attempt to drive. “I think I’m gonna throw up.”

“Ok, let’s pull over then. That might be the best thing for you to do.”

And I did. I handled that.. Over and over again.

Now I’m better.

We’re supposed to meet up tonight to check out a reggae spot she says she wants to take me to. I want Kim to come but I can’t find her black ass…

I hope we have a good time.

Doing It BIG

I called my girl Vicky last night.

“Um, hey girl,” I said and yawned. It was almost 10pm and I hadn’t even heard from Tina yet so I assumed we weren’t going out anymore.

“What’s up girl?”

“Tell me why you don’t invite me to hang out with you?” I asked her annoyed.

“Um, maybe if I ever get off this couch, I’ll invite you out,” she replied then paused. “Ohhh…I’m sorry Tee, you wanna come over and hang with me?”

“DUH! Hello! I haven’t seen your house yet!” I said and laughed.

She laughed too. “I’m so sorry girl. I forgot.”

She gave me directions to her place and even though it was late I made the trek over there. The drive was about 20 minutes but it was well worth it.

When I pulled up to her community, all I could do was shake my head. Beautiful houses, condo’s and townhouses. Brand new. My friend has been in Atlanta for a little over a year and she is already a homeowner.

I find her townhouse and park my car. We give each other a quick hug and I smile at my wonderful friend. Vicky and I met our sophomore year in college. We pledged our community service sorority together. When I met her I liked her so much that I abandoned my single dormroom and basically moved into her dorm room for the duration of the process.

She usually sends me updates about the progress of her house but I was not prepared for the emotional sack that smacked me when I walked in. Take a look at her place.

As she gave me the grand tour, all I could do was shake my head. I was completely numb. Here I was sitting in my friend’s house. This is her house. She owns this house. She is a few months younger than I am. She and I were in school together.

“Tee!” she said, waking me out of my mental coma. “Why are you looking like that? You’re freaking me out!”

“I’m sorry dawg. It’s just…Everyone here is doing it big. Every person that I meet is as ambitious as I am. I used to think that I was crazy for dreaming the way I do but the people here are dreaming too and accomplishing their dreams. It’s amazing to me. The mentality of the black people here is such a contrast to the mentality of the black people in Miami. Here we are prosperous.”

“And in Miami, everyone is trying to survive,” she finished for me.

“Exactly.”

I remembered what Tina said to me in our conversation yesterday. “I had to do it girl. I refuse to be another single mom statistic who barely has enough. I have so many business ventures I don’t have time to really run them all and I’m in school. I’m working on this jewelry business that I love girl and I’m going to put it on the internet. You can be one of my models. I’ll put you on my business cards. Girl, I’m trying to make money in my sleep!”

Wow.

Everyone dreams like me and Kim do.

I feel like the Joe Pesci character in the movie Casino when he decided to move to Vegas. Dude was excited because it seemed like unchartered territory. As if the people there didn’t know what they have.

Everyone here is on the hustle. Everyone here is grinding it out. Sure, alot of people have music business dreams but there are an equal amount of people who have big business dreams. Every black person has a tight resume and an investment portfolio. It seems like you can come with a little bit and achieve a lot.

Sitting in Vicky’s living room watching last week’s episode of Flavor of Love, I had an epiphany. I’m going to do it big too! I casually thought about home ownership when I was in Miami. It didn’t seem like a realistic option because all the real estate is so expensive and working on my single income, well..I didn’t get too excited about it. But here, even the college students own their own homes.

The event I covered yesterday for the magazine was a real estate development open house. One of our advertisers invited us to see the new development she is cultivating on Metropolitan Parkway. These new loft style townhomes will be 100% owner occupied. No renters in this community. I even met a 20 year old college student who had already signed her contract for her house.

20 years old.

A sophomore in college.

This city is breeding a culture of ownership and prosperity and it seems as though people from outside the community are taking advantage of this gold mine. When you meet people in business and when you’re out for fun, 9 times out of 10 the person is a transplant who has seen and heard of the goodness of this city and they ran, not walked to get their piece before it overloads.

This city is on the verge of becoming the next Miami or New York- for Black people. I want some. You should want some too.

I’m nervous because I talk a good game. I dream big and I speak as though I am already where I want to be. Now I’m at center stage. The curtain is drawn. The lights are on. It’s my time.

I work for a magazine where I am introduced daily to millionaires and the most successful business leaders around the country. I am being fed the secrets to success and I am eating it all up. I am teachable. I am ready. I believe that I will surpass even my own most grandiose fantasies.

I am about to do this shit.

OR die trying.

Nothing but death can keep me from it.

I’m not interested in simply being a homeowner, getting married and settling in. NO!

Allow me to dream out loud.

I am going to own multiple homes across the country.
I am going to own rental communities and invest in other ventures.
I am going to become a magazine editor within the next 2 years.
I am going to send my sons to the best private schools that money can buy.
I am going to continue to educate myself in order to educate others on a global scale.
I am going to receive love from a man who wants nothing more than to please God and support me in all my dreams.
I am going to win.
I am going to win.
My sons will have the utmost respect for their mom.
I will be a shining light to them.
They will grow up to be wonderful men who contribute great things to society.
I will fail some, but I will not stop.
I can not stop.
Or I will die.
I would rather die than accept failure.
I want these things more than I want my next breath of air.
Those who can not understand or contribute positively to my plight will be released from my life.
I have no room for people who want to live life on a mediocre or simple level.
I will only surround myself with people who are doing it big.
I will one day be able to donate half of my income to worthy causes.
There is no one on this earth who is more worthy of these successes than I am.
I am ignorant in some areas, but God has given me a brain- I can learn.
I will seek out those who know, and I will learn from them.
I will speak my dreams daily, reminding myself that all dreams are merely my unmanifested destiny.
I will not lose.
I will not fail.
I may fall, but I must get up.
I can not imagine my life without accomplishing these goals.
There is no room for back up plans or accepting failure.
I may fail and fail again but that only makes me more eager to taste success.
Now is my time to taste success.
I will do it big.
Bigger than life.

And so it shall be.

In Jesus name.

Do it with me.