Month: June 2006

The Wild World of Weave

I’m hosting a hair show tomorrow night at the Joseph Caleb center in Brown Subs. I’m not nervous at all, I just have no idea what to wear nor have I ever been to a hair show. I watched the tape from last year and it was full of booty shaking, plus sized models and wild, WILD hairstyles.

I think it’ll be fun. If you’re in the area, come on out.

Ruin Your Sister’s Wedding With 3 Simples Sentences Part I

Chile………

Let me tell you all about the wedding.

So I spend most of the day on my couch in pain because my monthly homegirl decides to make a visit and she’s killing me. By 3pm my phone is ringing off the hook and I know it’s time to make it over to the church because the wedding is supposed to begin at 5.

My sister calls and asks me to pick up my Mama and head over to the church to get dressed. When I knock on my Mama’s door, her head peeps out of the wondow and dissapears again. She opens the door and smiles.

I stand frozen. Shocked. Amazed.

My sister in law had styled her dreads in a beautiful crown of curls and she looked beautiful! In fact, I don’t think I have ever seen my Mama looking so nicely.

But ofcourse I didn’t tell her that.

“Who did your hair Mama?”

“Steph, do you like it?”

“It’s okay,” I respond with a smirk.

“HATER! Don’t be hatin on a Sista cuz you know I look good!”

I laugh.

We drive on over to the church and when we find my sister sitting in one of the backrooms off of the courtyard she is crying her eyes out.

“What’s wrong Teenie?” We ask.

“Look at this cake! It’s not what I ordered. It looks nothing like what I ordered. They just gave me what they wanted to give me. I can’t believe I spent all that money on a cake and they didn’t even get it right!”

“Aww Teenie, it’s not that bad,” My Mama says.

“Yes it is! It’s ugly. I wanna throw it away! I can’t believe this!” she wines. “And look at that tent! I asked them for a tent that would seat 150 people and they gave me the wrong one, the chairs are wrong, the table is wrong. It looks just plain tacky! I can’t believe this.” She is sobbing uncontrollably now.

The women around her are trying to offer words of encouragement but she is not hearing it. We finally convince her to begin getting dressed and I help her into her many undergarments and finally, into her beautiful wedding gown. She removes her hair net and a cascade of dark curls fall to her shoulders. The make up artist does her makeup and really puts the shine on my sister.

She’s glowing and I can’t believe her raggedy behind is getting married. I’m standing there in awe. My Mama comes from behind the screen wearing her floor length gown and pearls and I almost pass out.

My Mama NEVER wears dresses or anything girly. She never wears makeup or gets her nails done. She usually wears her long dreads in a ponytail but tonight, she is looking magnificent.

I can’t believe it.

I slip on my bronze colored halter top bridesmaid dress and accessories and sit down to have my make up done. When she hands me the mirror I raise my eyebrow. Damn, I still look like my 5 year old son.

Now I know there are some women who have a minimalist policy when it comes to make up. A little bit of lip gloss, maybe some eyeliner and they are done. Not me.

Everyday I do the whole shebang. Foundation, powder, two different kinds of eyeliner, mascara, 3 different shades of eye shadow, blush, lip liner and I mix my lip glosses to create the colors I want. I do not hold back. My face is my canvas and I enjoy being creative.

See?

Well, I had left all of my make up at home so I had to be creative. I went into my purse and found a black eyeliner and some gold lip gloss. I used the gold gloss as eyeshadow and lined my eyes with the eyeliner. I took some of the make up artist’s rose eyeshadow and I used that as blush. She also had a tube of two in one foundation and I spotted that across my face to give me a smoother finish.

I was definately satisfied when I was done.

It’s time to go into the church now because everyone is getting restless. We walk over to the main building and are ushered into a room on the side to wait. The music begins and the pastor and her fiance walk out to the front. There’s a rush in the back because the bride’s bouquet isn’t quite ready but we start the processional anyway. My brother escorts my Mama down the aisle and from what I hear she walked with all majesty.

As her bridesmaid it was now my turn. I felt kinda goofy walking down the aisle like that. So I turned it into my personal show. I strutted and smiled and had a good time until I reached the front. Her maid of honor walks next and then her beautiful little flower girl.

It’s finally her turn to walk down the aisle. The doors open and there she is, wearing the gown that most single women fantasize about. Beneath her veil I can see tears streaming down her cheeks as her father walks unsteadily next to her. Him. I can’t help but laugh as I remember him all dressed up in his tuxedo. ~smile~ He looked so proud. Wow.

“Who gives this woman to be wed?” the pastor asks.

“I do.”

As the ceremony proceeds I get this funny feeling in my head. Oh man. I didn’t eat anything today. My equilibrium is off. Please let me get through this. I spread my feet apart slightly to give myself balance. Oh no. I close my eyes. What’s wrong with me? I begin to sway. I snap out of it and remind myself to focus as they exchange rings and light the unity candle.

In two shakes of a lamb’s tail, the pastor says, “You may kiss the bride.” When they kiss everyone laughs and claps.

“I now present to you Mr. and Mrs. D. Ritchie,” the pastor says and immediately a loud BOOM echoes throughout the church. Oh no, thunder. The reception was planned for outside on the courtyard.

After all of the hoopla in the foyer as everyone rushes to congratulate the couple, I hear the wedding coordinator say that almost everything was soaked.

“We’re going to have the cancel the reception,” my sister says to me.

“Is there a room in the back we can have it in?” I ask her.

“Yes, there’s a fellowship hall but he is going to charge me $250 to use it.”

“He’s your pastor!” I say annoyed.”You pay tithes. This is your church too!”

“I know but…” she trails off and someone else whisks her away to take pictures.

I’m steaming mad by now. I think you would have to pay me to be in the company of any pastor. I have no respect for the ones I have encountered and I damn sure don’t ever want to be treated the way he was treating her. I was pissed. Then I saw him. My smile turned upside quickly.

“Teenie,” I said and grabbed my sister. “Speak to him. This can’t be right. He seems to be ignoring you. Just wait and speak to him.”

She waits for 20 seconds as he stands with his back to her talking to the parents of the groom. He knows she is standing there. How could you overlook her, she’s the BRIDE? HELLO!

She walks away and I am furious!

Don’t be treating my sister and her husband like that. Dude hasn’t been mingling with the crowd at all. Everytime I catch a glimpse of him, he seems to be trying to hide out in his office.

I’m pissed. That is not a father. That is not a role model. You charge my sister $500 to use your church when she is a tithing MEMBER and you ignore her on her wedding day as if you don’t know her. She spent months under your tutelage in counseling and you barely even PRAY for her during her ceremony.

I’m discussing the whole situation with Anna when I see him again. The red light goes off in my brain and I walk up to my lil sis and ask her, “Do you mind if I say something to him?”

“No,” she says. “If God doesn’t tell you to say something then don’t say anything.”

Hmph.

He betta not let me see him again.

I continue to talk and mingle with my family. All of the married women are standing around talking about how everything is all wrong and the coordinator must be a single person. Everyone is talking smack and most of the guests are leaving in the pouring rain as the photographer takes pictures of the wedding party. I’m too upset to stand for pictures so I am not in many of them.

And then I see him walk out of his cubby hole and sit down on the front pew. I see him smile fakely at my little cousin and cross his legs. I see him and I am drawn to him magnetically. Before I know it I am standing in front of him and he extends his hand to greet me.

“Nice to meet you,” he says stiffly.

“Well it’s not nice to meet you! Let me tell you something….” The words that come out of my mouth are not nice. I remind him that as a spiritual leader he is behaving poorly and the vibe he is trying to communicate to my sister and her husband is being felt by all.

“This is their wedding day! You can NOT ignore them and treat them as if they are second class. My sister stood right there waiting to greet you and you ignored her!”

“I was handling business,” he explains, obviously agitated. “I was discussing the ring ceremony.”

“Whatever! That’s not your job, you’re not the coordinator! You’re the pastor, you are supposed to be blessing them and encouraging them on the most important day of their lives and you act like you don’t even want to be here. You won’t even shake her husband’s hand! What’s wrong with you? What kind of spiritual father are you? You know what? I’m praying that my sister will leave here and find some real leadership because I will NEVER step foot back in this church under someone who would be so rude to the guests. All of these people here could have used some of your light but you don’t even want to be nice to them! I can’t believe you! I’m praying that yo uget it right one day!”

“Well you do that then!” he says and stands up.

“Best to believe I will!”

to be continued….

Ruin Your Sister’s Wedding With 3 Simples Sentences Part II

As I walked toward the back of the church my emotions were mixed. For one, I realize that I just chastised a grown man in his own church and I also realized that this incident could potentially harden my heart even more towards pastors.

My thoughts are interrupted by my older cousins rushing up to me. It takes me a few moments to register who they are.

“Girl, who is coordinating this wedding?” they want to know.

“The wedding coordinator.”

“Well, she’s doing a bad job. She must have never had a real wedding before because she doesn’t know what she is doing. I’m so mad I know I need to go help the photographer pose her for pictures!”

They rush off to give the photographer guidance and I sit down to meditate on what I had just done. When I look up the pastor is walking over to my sister and her husband and he is giving them both hugs and laughing with them.

Oh..He betta act right.

Because the reception was rained out, an announcement is made that we will all adjourn to the fellowship hall. More than half the guests have left by now and others are saying their goodbyes.

Some lady grabs me and I am ushered into one of the back rooms of the church along with my sister and her husband. Then a door is opened and we are pushed inside a tiny room. I peek in and see- the pastor.

~raises eyebrow~

We have to sign the marriage certificate as witnesses. He still doesn’t smile or even look at any of us. I sign. Then the best man signs. Then after an uncomfortable silence we all leave. My sister is shooting daggers with her eyes and I keep looking away.

We wait outside of the fellowship hall until they announce us and we all walk in. There are no decorations and no tables. My sister is laughing and laughing.

“As hard as I tried to make this wedding nice, it still turned out ghetto,” she laughed. “Oh well. I can’t believe I spent so much money for this and nothing turned out right.”

“We’ll still have fun,” I told her.

“I’m mad at you,” my sister tells me. “I told you not to say anything to him.”

“But he was tryin you!” I pleaded for her forgiveness.

“So!” she shook her head. “Now when you write about this I have the perfect title: Ruin your sister’s wedding with 3 simple sentences!”

We both laugh and she gives me a hug and a kiss on the cheek.

We were served dinner. A few speeches were made and the bride threw the bouquet to a mob of crunk women wearing no shoes.

I sat down and laughed. His family is funny. I enjoyed meeting them.

Her boyfri…er..HUSBAND walks over to me and says, “I’m your BROTHER now!”

I take two steps back. “No you ain’t.”

“Yes I am! Brother-in-law.”

My mind hasn’t processed the relation yet so I stand confused before someone taps me on the shoulder to talk to me.

After the dinner and the cutting of the cake, I packed up my bags and a few of the gifts and headed home to change. My little sister and her HUSBAND followed me and we spent the next hour opening gifts and recording them.

It was now time for the afterparty at my Mama’s house.

I threw on a t-shirt and some jeans and flew over there because I know it was about to be on. Liquor bottles were everywhere. Cousins were plentiful and the old time music was blasting from the computer. LOL! My Mama loves her itunes.

Everyone sat around talking about the wedding and a tall drink of water walked over to me and gave me a hug. Damn bruh… Who are you?

“I’m your cousin. I’m Charlie’s son. I’m from New Jersey.”

“My cousin? Are you a Patterson too?”

“Yes.”

“Too bad.” I chuckle.

“Huh?”

“Nothing. Welcome to Miami.”

My Mama and I commence to getting our drank on! We were both dancing for everyone in the den of her house. Gettin LOOOSE!!!!!

Shakin it! Workin it! Poppin it! Shakin that thang!

I go outside to hang with my little brother and other cousins. It’s so good to see my brother. He’s a really nice guy. He takes good care of his family and of every man I know, he knows how to deal with my difficult personality. I miss him so much but I don’t want him to move back down here because sometimes I think Miami is a trap for black men. Limited opportunities to do right and unlimited opportunities to be a ghetto superstar.

When my Mama reminds me to stop drinking because I have to drive home I lean in close and whisper, “I have a ride home Mama.”

“Who?”

“My friend.”

She looks at me and I laugh.

When Dude arrives to drive my tipsy behind home she follows me out the door and introduces herself to him. I roll my eyes. Oh Lord, I never mentioned him to her before but I know that she’s gonna bring him up again.

“You’re drunk,” he says to me as he pulls away from my Mama’s house.

“Sure am. Let’s go.”

**Sorry. No camera. No pics to share.

Finding My Light

My birthday is 6 days away.

I’ll be 27.

27.

27.

Damn, that sounds old doesn’t it?

My first inclination is to crawl into a hole and cry my eyes out because I am not anywhere near where I thought I’d be when I turned 27- my magic age that I chose when I was 12.

Remember being a youngster and envisioning living the grand ole life of an adult?

By 27 I pictured myself young and fabulous, driving my Honda Accord, celebrating each byline while fighting off multiple handsome suitors.

Ahh…It ain’t happen. ~smile~

But you know what? I’m taking the ‘snap’ dance craze to a whole new level. I refuse to let life get me down. I choose to SNAP out of it.

Snap your fingers. Change your life.

Whenever I’m idle and I begin to feel sad, I ‘SNAP SNAP’ snap my fingers.

I’m over it.

There are too many people who believe in me. I can’t dissappoint them and lose faith in myself.

So for anyone who has ever reached a milestone in their life and found themselves falling short of their goals, I offer this advice: Extend your deadline.

I am.

I will not wallow in self pity over the course of this week. Everyday I will wake up and go about the business of marketing myself and my writing. If I continue to be rejected- oh well. Someone will eventually see my light. Someone who has some authority will give me a chance soon.

Let’s grow together over the next week and see where we are mentally. I will examine a few of the areas that I need to grow in and celebrate the other areas where I have matured.

SNAP out of the funk. Revisit your goals. Redefine your idea of success.

Day One

Break down the Shelf

Do you have a dream sitting on your shelf? It’s nice and shiny isn’t it? But it seems that you don’t have the tools to pull it down. You gaze lovingly at that bright box and wonder if it’s really yours. Is your name on it? Could all of that be for you?

Yes. Yes and YES!

But how do you get it?

~shrugs~

I don’t know. I’m trying to get mine too. But it won’t float down unless you have super powers so you have to work your brain to get it.

1) Today I will think long and hard about my dream on that shelf.

2) I will research and find at least one person who has accomplished my dream. I will learn as much as I can about their life.

3) I will reach out to them by email, postal mail or fax introducing myself and acknowledging their accomplishments. I will also ask for their opinion/advice about beginning the same path to success.

I will not be afraid to ask for guidance.

Today is the beginning of laying a firm foundation for my sucess. That box is not out of reach. I must build a firm box to stand on to reach it. Educating myself about my dream is the way to achieve stability.

I will break down the shelf.

Day Two

Narrowing My Focus

Being blessed with a grand vision and plenty of talent is both a blessing and a curse for me. I’m often up and running with my wild imagination concocting great ideas and only giving them half of my effort because before I can fully develop the idea, it has been replaced by another more exciting venture. Plenty of planted seeds, but no fruit.

Today I will decide which of my talents to explore. I will decide which is the most beneficial to me at this time and I will choose wisely. I will draw out a work plan detailing each component of achieving my goal and I will set a timeline for accomplishing each task.

I will create good habits. I believe that I can be more disciplined about my goals and I can achieve what I set out to accomplish simply by sticking to the plan and cutting off all distractions. My biggest distraction right now is the uneasiness I feel because I do not have a stable income. This causes me to feel unsuccessful and therefore unworthy of attaining any goal. That is not true. This time is the time to plant seed and nurture them. This time is a gift from God to me and I am wasting it by doubting myself and Him.

Instead of using my idle time to worry about things I can not control, I will push myself to work on my plan. When I have the urge to sit and veg out, I will SNAP SNAP out of it and remember my goal.

My future is a direct reflection of the choices I make today. I will choose to be pro active and I will develop a disciplined mind.

“Whatever you can do, or dream you can do, begin it.
Boldness has genius, power and magic in it. Begin it now.”
Goethe

Goodbye Again

I don’t know what’s going on with my body. This is the 3rd time in 2 months that I have felt like I was battling the flu. I woke up this morning feeling pretty crappy but I managed to get my son to finish his homework and send them off to summer camp without too many problems.

By the time I got home my friend was ringing my phone off the hook extremely upset that her guy friend hadn’t called when he said he would therefore causing her to assume that he is trying to disrespect her by calling her at the last minute to confirm their plans for this Saturday.

I let her vent a little and then told her to shut up. LOL! When it comes to men I realize that we over react because we are afraid of being taken for granted. But as she continued to share all of her insecurities about the relationship I sat in silence listening intently.

“Girl, He makes me sick! He thinks that I’m just gonna sit there and he can snap his fingers and I will come running. If he doesn’t call me by Wednesday night I’m not going out with his ass! How dare he promise to call me on a certain day and then he doesn’t do it! I’m not some 2 cent ass hoe who is sitting by the phone waiting for him to call. His ass ain’t that special. I hate his bitch ass! You don’t leave me as an afterthought. You don’t disrespect me like that! I’m not some desperate hoe. In fact, I canceled plans with someone else to make plans with him. His ass is ungrateful and If I see him I’m gonna f*** him up!”

Damn. She’s mad for real. Fellas, if you don’t call- it’s a big deal. Trust.

But as she spoke I felt like maybe God was speaking to me. As far as Dude is concerned, I am always an afterthought. I hear from him often but it’s always after he’s done everything he has to do for the day. He says he likes to relax with me but I know that if he had someone else, I wouldn’t be on the agenda. Am I a 2 cent hoe, always available and waiting for him to squeeze me in for a quick one?

That hurt my feelings. Only because I know that it is true. Because I have no desire to sleep with more than one person at a time plus the fact that I actually LIKE Dude keeps me saying YES to him during those last minute, late night phone calls. I don’t want to keep company with multiple men. But sometimes I feel like I should. Just to make sure I’m not so available all the time.

When my friend’s hair dresser called for her to get her hair washed we hung up and I knew what I had to do. Even thought it was 9am I dialed Dude’s number and he answered, “What’s up with you?”

“Nothing. What’s up with you?”

“I’m on my way to work.”

“Well, that means you’re gonna be late then.”

“Probably. What’s up?”

“Well, I was hoping today would be the day.”

“For what?”

“For us to finally stop this crap we’re doing. Come on, my birthday is coming up and I’m tired of being dissappointed. You said that when I was really ready to end this “thing” between us that all I had to do was tell you and you’d back off. I’m ready. I’m serious this time. I want us to leave this alone. You already know all the reasons why.”

He paused for a second then said, “OK. I feel you. Well, I have a lot of stuff at your house.”

“When would you like to get it?”

“How about today at lunch. I’ll come by then.”

“OK, call me to make sure I’m home.”

“OK.”

As soon as I hung up I began to feel numb. I wrote a little and then I went over to the couch to rest. I have had this aching pain in my left side since Friday and it’s been so bad that at times I can barely walk. I’ve also had chills and a fever and nausea and my appetite is completely gone. I don’t know what’s going on but it’s not pretty.

So there I sat on my couch freezing and feeling hot at the same time. I’m trembling from the cold feeling I have and my body is aching. I make it to my bathroom cabinet and find the Theraflu. I make some and drink it and then take a hot shower to relieve my aches.

It works for a little while. An hour later I’m back on the couch and my life is flashing before my eyes. When I get sick, I’m very dramatic. I always think that I am going to die. But since I’m usually alone during these times, it doesn’t affect anyone. I ask God to let me live because I have so much that I want to do in life.

Then I think about the past few months with Dude and all of the fun we’ve had hanging together. Then I think about how every single week we say that we are not gonna speak to each other anymore because we are on two different pages. But we always come back.

One time I asked him to leave because I was emotionally drained from dealing with him. He stood up and put his shoes back on, grabbed his hat and stood at the door. I walked over and unlocked it. But my hand brushed his arm and I felt it.

It.

That magnetic attraction that always pulls me back in. He paused because he felt it too. Ten minutes later I’m on my stomache gripping the sheets. An hour later we’re cuddling with each other and I look up at him and whisper, “You know I can’t stand you.” He smiles and says, “I know” and we drift off to sleep.

Damn. He got me.

But this has to stop. So I decided that when he comes to pick up his stuff I would leave it outside so I wouldnt fall victim to his magnetism.

I missed his call because I was in the shower but when I called him back I told him that I would leave his stuff in a ziploc bag in my mailbox. He paused before saying, “Ok.”

I bet he doesn’t believe me.

But I am for real. I am tired. Just tired. I want to go back to how I was before when I was used to being alone all the time. I don’t want to crave the affection of a man, especially one who treats me like I’m an afterthought.

~sigh~

I feel better though. I sat shivering in pain for most of the day. I took some advil and drank some gatorade and that helped. By the time I had to pick up my kids I was feeling a lot better but not enough to cook them dinner so we ate fast food. I had to try that 99cent chicken sandwhich from Wendy’s. Wendy’s chicken sandwhich combo is my FAVORITE fast food so when I saw the commercial I almost flipped. And it was GOOD too!

After wrestling with my son to finish his homework, my body finally shut down on me and I passed out on the couch while my sons played nearby. When I woke up, I was relieved to feel better. I thanked my boys for being so good while Mommy rested and I got them ready for bed.

As soon as the house grew quiet my thoughts turned to him. I am going to miss his company but I’ll get over it.

I know I will.

I have to make room for the real blessings to come into my life.

And I will.

Quick Update

This morning I was rushed to the emergency room via ambulance. I just couldn’t take it anymore so I called 911, thinking they’d come by and tell me I’ll be fine. My heart rate was 155 which a bordlerline STP (whatever that is) so they made me go to the ER and after a battery of tests they told me that I have a severe kidney infection. The infection is so bad that they admitted me to the hospital and I’ve been fighting a fever of 103 and extremely violent chills all day. When my fever finally breaks I will be allowed to go home.

Ofcourse my main concern was my children. I had my kids school call their father to come pick them up and he did but later dumped them at my Mama’s house saying he had things to do. That frustrates me that his life can’t be interrupted by his own children but oh well. At least they are well taken care of.

After they admitted me and wheeled me to my room I was delighted to see a COMPUTER with internet access just 5 feet away from my bed. I knew that when I felt up to it, I would be able to feed my addiction.

Oh well…Let me go back to bed now. Being in the hospital is no fun and being too sick to write is the pits. Please take a second and claim my healing. They are giving me antibiotics and an IV to flush out my kidney but it makes me have to pee every 20 minutes and I can’t rest properly.

Ahhh..I feel so much better. I got to caress my boyfriend, THE NET.

Hopefully, I’ll be better soon.