Ruin Your Sister’s Wedding With 3 Simples Sentences Part I

Chile………

Let me tell you all about the wedding.

So I spend most of the day on my couch in pain because my monthly homegirl decides to make a visit and she’s killing me. By 3pm my phone is ringing off the hook and I know it’s time to make it over to the church because the wedding is supposed to begin at 5.

My sister calls and asks me to pick up my Mama and head over to the church to get dressed. When I knock on my Mama’s door, her head peeps out of the wondow and dissapears again. She opens the door and smiles.

I stand frozen. Shocked. Amazed.

My sister in law had styled her dreads in a beautiful crown of curls and she looked beautiful! In fact, I don’t think I have ever seen my Mama looking so nicely.

But ofcourse I didn’t tell her that.

“Who did your hair Mama?”

“Steph, do you like it?”

“It’s okay,” I respond with a smirk.

“HATER! Don’t be hatin on a Sista cuz you know I look good!”

I laugh.

We drive on over to the church and when we find my sister sitting in one of the backrooms off of the courtyard she is crying her eyes out.

“What’s wrong Teenie?” We ask.

“Look at this cake! It’s not what I ordered. It looks nothing like what I ordered. They just gave me what they wanted to give me. I can’t believe I spent all that money on a cake and they didn’t even get it right!”

“Aww Teenie, it’s not that bad,” My Mama says.

“Yes it is! It’s ugly. I wanna throw it away! I can’t believe this!” she wines. “And look at that tent! I asked them for a tent that would seat 150 people and they gave me the wrong one, the chairs are wrong, the table is wrong. It looks just plain tacky! I can’t believe this.” She is sobbing uncontrollably now.

The women around her are trying to offer words of encouragement but she is not hearing it. We finally convince her to begin getting dressed and I help her into her many undergarments and finally, into her beautiful wedding gown. She removes her hair net and a cascade of dark curls fall to her shoulders. The make up artist does her makeup and really puts the shine on my sister.

She’s glowing and I can’t believe her raggedy behind is getting married. I’m standing there in awe. My Mama comes from behind the screen wearing her floor length gown and pearls and I almost pass out.

My Mama NEVER wears dresses or anything girly. She never wears makeup or gets her nails done. She usually wears her long dreads in a ponytail but tonight, she is looking magnificent.

I can’t believe it.

I slip on my bronze colored halter top bridesmaid dress and accessories and sit down to have my make up done. When she hands me the mirror I raise my eyebrow. Damn, I still look like my 5 year old son.

Now I know there are some women who have a minimalist policy when it comes to make up. A little bit of lip gloss, maybe some eyeliner and they are done. Not me.

Everyday I do the whole shebang. Foundation, powder, two different kinds of eyeliner, mascara, 3 different shades of eye shadow, blush, lip liner and I mix my lip glosses to create the colors I want. I do not hold back. My face is my canvas and I enjoy being creative.

See?

Well, I had left all of my make up at home so I had to be creative. I went into my purse and found a black eyeliner and some gold lip gloss. I used the gold gloss as eyeshadow and lined my eyes with the eyeliner. I took some of the make up artist’s rose eyeshadow and I used that as blush. She also had a tube of two in one foundation and I spotted that across my face to give me a smoother finish.

I was definately satisfied when I was done.

It’s time to go into the church now because everyone is getting restless. We walk over to the main building and are ushered into a room on the side to wait. The music begins and the pastor and her fiance walk out to the front. There’s a rush in the back because the bride’s bouquet isn’t quite ready but we start the processional anyway. My brother escorts my Mama down the aisle and from what I hear she walked with all majesty.

As her bridesmaid it was now my turn. I felt kinda goofy walking down the aisle like that. So I turned it into my personal show. I strutted and smiled and had a good time until I reached the front. Her maid of honor walks next and then her beautiful little flower girl.

It’s finally her turn to walk down the aisle. The doors open and there she is, wearing the gown that most single women fantasize about. Beneath her veil I can see tears streaming down her cheeks as her father walks unsteadily next to her. Him. I can’t help but laugh as I remember him all dressed up in his tuxedo. ~smile~ He looked so proud. Wow.

“Who gives this woman to be wed?” the pastor asks.

“I do.”

As the ceremony proceeds I get this funny feeling in my head. Oh man. I didn’t eat anything today. My equilibrium is off. Please let me get through this. I spread my feet apart slightly to give myself balance. Oh no. I close my eyes. What’s wrong with me? I begin to sway. I snap out of it and remind myself to focus as they exchange rings and light the unity candle.

In two shakes of a lamb’s tail, the pastor says, “You may kiss the bride.” When they kiss everyone laughs and claps.

“I now present to you Mr. and Mrs. D. Ritchie,” the pastor says and immediately a loud BOOM echoes throughout the church. Oh no, thunder. The reception was planned for outside on the courtyard.

After all of the hoopla in the foyer as everyone rushes to congratulate the couple, I hear the wedding coordinator say that almost everything was soaked.

“We’re going to have the cancel the reception,” my sister says to me.

“Is there a room in the back we can have it in?” I ask her.

“Yes, there’s a fellowship hall but he is going to charge me $250 to use it.”

“He’s your pastor!” I say annoyed.”You pay tithes. This is your church too!”

“I know but…” she trails off and someone else whisks her away to take pictures.

I’m steaming mad by now. I think you would have to pay me to be in the company of any pastor. I have no respect for the ones I have encountered and I damn sure don’t ever want to be treated the way he was treating her. I was pissed. Then I saw him. My smile turned upside quickly.

“Teenie,” I said and grabbed my sister. “Speak to him. This can’t be right. He seems to be ignoring you. Just wait and speak to him.”

She waits for 20 seconds as he stands with his back to her talking to the parents of the groom. He knows she is standing there. How could you overlook her, she’s the BRIDE? HELLO!

She walks away and I am furious!

Don’t be treating my sister and her husband like that. Dude hasn’t been mingling with the crowd at all. Everytime I catch a glimpse of him, he seems to be trying to hide out in his office.

I’m pissed. That is not a father. That is not a role model. You charge my sister $500 to use your church when she is a tithing MEMBER and you ignore her on her wedding day as if you don’t know her. She spent months under your tutelage in counseling and you barely even PRAY for her during her ceremony.

I’m discussing the whole situation with Anna when I see him again. The red light goes off in my brain and I walk up to my lil sis and ask her, “Do you mind if I say something to him?”

“No,” she says. “If God doesn’t tell you to say something then don’t say anything.”

Hmph.

He betta not let me see him again.

I continue to talk and mingle with my family. All of the married women are standing around talking about how everything is all wrong and the coordinator must be a single person. Everyone is talking smack and most of the guests are leaving in the pouring rain as the photographer takes pictures of the wedding party. I’m too upset to stand for pictures so I am not in many of them.

And then I see him walk out of his cubby hole and sit down on the front pew. I see him smile fakely at my little cousin and cross his legs. I see him and I am drawn to him magnetically. Before I know it I am standing in front of him and he extends his hand to greet me.

“Nice to meet you,” he says stiffly.

“Well it’s not nice to meet you! Let me tell you something….” The words that come out of my mouth are not nice. I remind him that as a spiritual leader he is behaving poorly and the vibe he is trying to communicate to my sister and her husband is being felt by all.

“This is their wedding day! You can NOT ignore them and treat them as if they are second class. My sister stood right there waiting to greet you and you ignored her!”

“I was handling business,” he explains, obviously agitated. “I was discussing the ring ceremony.”

“Whatever! That’s not your job, you’re not the coordinator! You’re the pastor, you are supposed to be blessing them and encouraging them on the most important day of their lives and you act like you don’t even want to be here. You won’t even shake her husband’s hand! What’s wrong with you? What kind of spiritual father are you? You know what? I’m praying that my sister will leave here and find some real leadership because I will NEVER step foot back in this church under someone who would be so rude to the guests. All of these people here could have used some of your light but you don’t even want to be nice to them! I can’t believe you! I’m praying that yo uget it right one day!”

“Well you do that then!” he says and stands up.

“Best to believe I will!”

to be continued….