Month: October 2005

Escribir

A word. So simple. So complex. So neccesary.

I was helping my son with his homework tonight and I read the directions aloud to him.

“Write a sentence using the word TOP.”

“Mama, what’s a sentence?”

Wow.

I paused and stared at him. What’s a sentence? Uh… Uh…

“Sentences are made of words. We use words to describe how we feel,” I say slowly, looking him in his eyes. “Words tell what we think or just to tell what happened. When we put them together they form sentences. But we have to put them together in the right way. That’s what we call a language. Like, you know, we speak English and some of the people speak Spanish.”

“Yeah.” he said.

“Mmm, hmm. That’s why I love the fact that you like to read and write. You’re gonna learn a lot of words and then you can come up with ideas and you will be able to have people understand you.”

He just looked at me.

I speak to my sons like that all of the time. LOL! I know they are young but I don’t want to dumb down my vocabulary. If I use a power vocab word I will simply explain the word to them and we will come up with examples. Like one day my boys were in the bathtub and I told them that if they wet the floor they would have to go to bed with no TV time. Ofcourse they wet the floor anyway with their Spiderman and Spongebob toys.

As I dried them off with the towel I calmly told them that they had been disobedient (they know what that means) and that they would have to reap the repercussions. “What’s repercussions Mama?” my 5 year old asked.

“Repercussions is the same as consequences. The result of your actions. If you do this..then that will happen. And I told BOTH of you, if you wet the floor you get no TV time. You wet the floor, you get no TV time. Because you wet the floor, your repercussion is No TV. If you drop one of your video games in the bathtub what will happen?”

“It won’t work.”

“That is a repercussion. You get it?”

“Yes, Ma’am.”

Strengthening your vocabulary is one of the smartest things you can do. We use words to communicate who we are, what we care about and how we feel. Words give our heart’s desires a voice.

When you learn a new word you OWN the word. You can then use it how you see fit, to PRECISELY communicate what you are feeling. How many of us get tongue tied in frustration when we can’t figure out how to say what’s on our minds? Those of us with the gift of communication are so blessed. We instantly become the voice for those who don’t know how to speak.

The written word is so powerful that it can make or break a life. People believe the things they see in print. For some reason, if it’s bound and on sale at Books A Million, then it’s credible. If someone says something negative about you in print, it’s much more difficult to forget than if they screamed it at you.

I relish every moment that I get to read or write. Today I thoroughly enjoyed this month’s Essence magazine. My eyes inhaled every article, every advertisement, every quote. To read these words written by women who look like me and ABOUT women who look like me- gives me an energy boost.

“I can do that,” I say to myself. “I KNOW I can do that. I can be eloquent. I can paint a picture. I can tell a story.”

Skilled story tellers aren’t easy to find. The good ones tell the story so well that you forget you are reading. You feel as though you have become a fly on the wall. You feel like you’re listening in on a secret. THAT is damn good writing.

And though Essence has rejected my story ideas more times than I’d care to admit, I still believe that my name will grace those pages. And my ideas and values will be shared with the world.

Or maybe, just maybe I’ll have my own platform to share about healing, love, life, and the search for fulfillment.

You never know.

Behind those Green Eyes

No matter how many times someone says to me, “Wow. Your eyes are so pretty!” I am still a little taken aback by it. When you’re used to seeing yourself everyday sometimes it’s difficult to recognize the things that are special about you. Add the fact that my Mama has green eyes too and I don’t feel so special after all. ~shrugs~

There are only a few posts that people have written that have actually stuck with me. My favorite was from a blogger who calls herself Black Girl in Iowa, it was a story about how so many women complain about not having a man but in reality their choices leave them single and solitary.

Another blogger once wrote something like, ‘I find myself not liking people, even when they have not given me a reason to dislike them.’ This was just a random comment in his post but it stuck with me because I remembered feeling like that. I remember WHY I felt like that too. I disliked a woman who had done ABSOLUTELY nothing to me because… I was jealous of her.

Why else would someone take the time to display unnacceptance to someone who they had limited interactions with? After I realized why I disliked this woman, I was shocked. Never in my entire life had any woman caused me to feel inadequate. In fact, when I am around other women, it reminds me of why I’m special and different and it makes me appreciate myself more. But this woman, I felt, was all-around tighter than I was.

After realizing I was being immature, I got to know her better and realized that she wasn’t as tight as I thought she was. The thing about her was, I was so busy comparing her great qualities to my great qualities that I never recognized that she was human and probably had struggles too. I made sure not to push her away again. The smart way to deal with your insecurities is to face them head on. Now, when I meet a woman who impresses me, I immediately make an effort to befriend her. That’s why all of my friends are tight. We shouldn’t have to fight to push someone else down to preserve our status. Three great minds thinking and creating together are far more powerful than a lone ranger seeking to hog all the glory.

Most times when I am involved in organizations, I’ll admit it, I don’t fit in. That group of girls that clique together, those women at work who have lunch together everyday. Those people at the gym who go for coffee after the workout, I’m NEVER in the ‘IN’ crowd- and I don’t expect to be.

It got me down at first. It made me question myself and wonder why I was always on the outside looking in. Then EUREKA I figured it out! I don’t fit in because I’m not average. The average office clique is a crew of gossipping people who don’t really have friends outside of work. I don’t gossip (negatively anyway) and I don’t like to feel like I’m socially obligated. If you are a part of any organization people have certain social expectations of you. If you don’t adhere to those expectations, immediately one (or more) of the group behaves in a certain negative manner to let you know that your non comformity is not acceptable. They do it to make you feel bad and ultimately force you to conform to their wishes.

I don’t fall for it.

You don’t invite me to your house for a bbque- So what? I have friends of my own.

I walk into the sorority meeting and immediately get snickers because I skipped the party to hang out with my girls who were friends BEFORE I met you- so what? I mean, are we 9 years old?

How does this immature behaviour follow us to adulthood? Why are there people out there who STILL thrive on making others feel unaccepted?

All of my life, I have fought to be the opposite of these people. If someone looks like they are lonely, I invite them to hang with me until they find their place. You don’t gain love by pushing people away and creating exclusive groups. You are then surrounded by followers who will do anything for your acceptance. Those are the weak people who will turn on you in a heartbeat when someone stronger appears and takes over.

I saw it when I worked at the VA Hospital after college. The woman I replaced when I first started working there was obviously one of the social leaders. But before she left, a new lady was hired and that lady was even more AGGRESSIVE than she was. So everyone started following her around. LOL! That shit was very funny to watch. It seemed like everyone was clamoring for her acceptance.

Well into adulthood men and women deal with insecurity. Who do you think there are so many self help books out there? They all basically say the same thing: BELIEVE IN YOURSELF.

This year I found myself struggling with the green eyed monster myself. Not once but TWICE I found myself having these feelings of jealousy towards friends. This is deep for me because like I said before, women don’t usually make me feel insecure. When I recognized what it was I had to shake myself, admit what I was feeling and try to understand it. Then I told my friend what I was feeling and apologized for acting distant/bitchy with her.

The funny thing is, just like the first time I experienced jealousy when I was in college, these last two times yielded the same result. After I took my focus off of comparing myself to them I began to see a side of them that I hadn’t noticed before. Most people have issues and things that they struggle with, these women were just better at disguising them.

Everyone deals with their issues differently. There’s no right or wrong way as long as the issue is addressed. My way is bold, LOUD and out in the open. Your way may be to search your soul in secret. It doesn’t matter. Simply recognize the feeling, accept it and decide if it’s beneficial to your life.

The best advice I’ve read ALL YEAR was in a e-book that a friend gave to me. It said something like, ‘If you want to attract a certain type of woman, then BECOME the type of man that woman will want.’ That’s it right there! Self improvement!

If you think someone is too good for you, MAKE YOURSELF BETTER! Improve. Get another degree. Learn how to cook. Study fashion magazines or ask a friend to take you shopping. When I really want something NICE to wear I take my girl Dianna with me. I ain’t scared! Don’t be afraid to admit you need help.

Instead of hating the one you admire, become a person you can admire.

Rosh Hashana! Rosh Hashana!

I pulled away from my son’s daycare this morning with a huge grin on my face.Today is a Holiday called Rosh Hashana which means schools are CLOSED! YAY! Double yay because my younger son’s daycare doesn’t close but my 5 year old son’s public school does- so I just put both of my kids in the daycare and began my drive back to my side of town to enjoy a DAY TO MYSELF!

UH! Get it MAMA! Shake that thang! Pop that thang!

I know, I know. I’m bad.

So I’m driving up 17th avenue and I’m fantasizing about my future. I love to imagine myself as a successful person. I do it ALL THE TIME. My friends and I love to talk about how one day we’re gonna send private jets for our girls vacations and shopping sprees and how we’re going to fight over who gets to pay for it all.

My fantasies are so vivid that I forget that I am am in the car. I am picturing myself moving my family to New York, becoming a professional hustler and somehow making a name for myself as a writer, TV personality and all around communicator. I imagine sipping champagne with Kanye while he’s trying to persuade me to read one of my poems on his next album. I laugh. “Oh Kanye. I’ll have to see. I mean, I’m very busy that time of the year.”

But Kanye is patient. And he knows what a wonder I’ll be so he sits back and smiles. Then he bites his lip and looks me in my eyes. I giggle. he he… “Don’t look at me like that Kanye.~grins~ STOP!” I whine.

I roll my eyes. This man can get ANYTHING he wants.

Just as Kanye reaches over to caress my wrist I hear a noise that jars me from my dream man’s attention.

Whoo-WHOO! Whoo-WHOO!

Aww shit! The po-po’s.

I signal and get over into the left lane and at the first corner I see I pull over. I’m still on a high from my fantasy so for some reason I’m not afraid or nervous. My first thought was, “Oh shit! Nah, I’m straight I ain’t got no trees on me.”

I wait for the stocky Hispanic officer to tap on my window before I roll it down.

“Hi.” I say and smile.
“Do you know how fast you were going?” he asks, leaning into my car.
“Yes, I was going about 40.”
“I don’t think so. I had to get up to 55 to catch up with you.”
“Oh really?” I ask. “I can’t imagine that because I always follow the rules. I never speed. I’m a good girl.” I say and tilt my head to the side, widening my eyes so he can get a good look at them. I bite my lip and smile.

He glances at my smooth, bare legs. I’m wearing booty shorts and a baby tee with some flip flops. I see him smile a little, then he catches himself and asks for my liscense. I pull it out and hand it to him.

“Is your liscense clean?”
“Squeaky clean. Like I said, I’m a good girl.” I smile and shrug my shoulders.
“Ok then wait right here while I go run this.”

Before he gets to his car two more cruisers pull up. I laugh to myself. They betta not TRY me! He tells them that he has it under control and they drive away without even looking at me.

He sits in his car. I’m singing to myself along with the radio. I hear a siren go off and I look in my mirror and he’s waving at me, motioning for me to get out of the car and come to him.

He wants me to get out of my car? huh?

I step out and see him smile.

Ohhhh… Dude is flirting with me! LOL!

I sashay over to his cruiser and stand all bow legged trying to be sexy with my teeny shorts. LOL! No seriously, I want you to understand that my legs are FIIIRREEE! I rarely wear skirts or shorts in public because I don’t like people staring. I never work out because I’m too lazy, but I must have inherited my Mama’s legs because men say I am built like a racehorse. Well I was. I don’t know what they’d say now since I’ve put on a few pounds. Like I said, I rarely show off my legs. They’re like my secret weapon.

But I’m posing in front of the officer like I’m on a photo shoot. He laughs and says, “Well, I guess you didn’t notice how fast you were going. Just watch it next time Miss.”

“Ok,” I tell him and walk away.

Funny- one of my worst fears is being pulled over by the po-po’s. My 2nd time being pulled over and the officer is even nicer than the first. Who knew?

So I stop by BK for a sausage and cheese crossaint and I’m home in no time. When I walk through my front door I jump into the air like a little kid and SQUEAL! YAY! Home alone! Home alone!

I immediately call Anna to see what’s she’s up to since she’s a teacher and she has the day off too. Oh yeah, she and i aren’t fighting anymore. We made up. As usual.

“What’s up?” she answers.
“Girl! I’m living the HIGH LIFE! No kids!”
“Where are your kids?”
“At the daycare. All it costs is $10 a day. Now you can’t beat that! It would cost me more to feed them all day than it would for them to stay there and let me get some time to myself.”
“You right about that. I wish I had thought of that. My baby is right here getting on my nerves.”
“But GIRL!!!!” I squeal. “I called you for a reason. You will not BELIEVE what Tamara (AKA Prince) told me last night!”
“Girl what happened?”
“Girrrlllll! How about Tamara calls me and tells me that she was being BOLD this weekend.”

Anna laughs because Tamara’s definition of bold may be a little different from ours. Anna and I are way more “experimental” than Tamara ever was. She’s kinda, um, different. ~waving~ Hey, Prince!

“So she tells me that she went out this weekend with some chicks and they met these guys right? So our friend TAMARA says she walks up to one of them and says, ‘So, what’s up with you?’ and the guy says, ‘I’m cool.’ And she says, ‘How old are you?’ and he says, ’28’ and she’s says nonchalantly, ‘Alright you’re straight you can buy me a drink!'”

“Hell NAW!” Anna screams.
“I know dawg! I mean, DAMN! Who is this chick talkin to men like that? That is SOO not like her! But get this, after the drink. She takes his phone and dials her number, letting it ring a few times. Then she says to him, ‘See that number?’ He nods, yes. She says ‘Use it.’ and she walks away! That hoe walked away!” LMAO!

BOLD. B-O-L-D!

Anna is cracking up laughing. Understand me puh-lease. Tamara is NOT like that. She NEVER approaches men. She usually just stands back and allows them to come to her. Of all my friends I think she gets the most attention when we go out. And the crazy thing is she doesn’t even know it. When I brought up the fact that men act like they want to faint when she walks by she said, “But don’t they act like that with ALL women? That’s just how men are!”

No honey. No they don’t. But she doesn’t get it. And you know, I’m kinda glad that she doesn’t. Her head is big enough already. LOL!

So I chit chat with Anna a little more and then lie down for a nice nap. Before I do I call Reggie to remind him to come over to take a look at my computer because I think I have a virus, which turns out to have come from my tagboard which will be missing from my site for a while. My phone rings and it’s Anna, I almost decide to ignore it but I don’t.

“What you doing?” she asks me.
“I’m sleepin.”
“Well wake up, I’m coming over.”
“Ok.”

Next thing I know I hear my room door open and she’s standing there smiling. We sit. We chat. We laugh. She gets the Lil Kim CD out of her car and we ride out! The parts that I heard were very good. I’m proud of Lil Kim. I’m mad at Anna because she doesn’t have Kanye’s CD yet because I want to hear it so badly. Ruby even called me the other day asking me if I’d heard a song on his CD called ‘hey mama’. She thinks I would love it.

What I would LOVE to do is go to his concert on the 11th. Yes, Kanye West will be right here in Miami performing at the University of Miami on October 11th and I have not won tickets on the radio yet! How sad. I try everyday. I never even get through.

Maybe it wasn’t meant to be right now. I’m sure I’ll meet him later. I don’t wanna hunch. I don’t wanna holla and I don’t wanna be his baby mama. But I sure would like to soak up some of his energy and give him props for being the creative, driven and sexy man that he is.

I WON! I WON!

I was literaly floating off of my day yesterday. I enjoyed my day off so much. I was well rested. I spent time with my homegirl AND I got to see my boy Reggie with his FINE self!

Lately I’ve been singing these kinda happy tunes in my heart. I honestly think it came the day after I realized that the job I have now is not the end all be all. See, I was looking for a place to work and get some stability. This school is perfect for that. No one ever gets fired. 100% insurance coverage. Great people, good money. A minute away from my house. It’s just one thing; I don’t feel like I’m using ANY of my talents at this job.

I’m started to be bored with it. Damn. I guess I thought that making good money doing anything would make me happier than making a little bit of money doing something I love. It doesn’t.

As soon as I began to feel like I was unfulfilled, that sinking feeling was replaced by this sense of reknewed hope. I began to just cry out to God on a consistent basis, asking for direction. I started reading this motivational book everyday, just to feed my mind. I watched Kanye West’s DRIVEN every time it was on AND I made sure to stay in contact with the successful people in my life. I am so eager to learn and grow and become an all around better person.

All of this positive brain food has affected my mood. I find myself daydreaming even more than before. My hopes for my life have become more concrete. I’m constantly outlining the plan and claiming success as my TRUTH. I’m not afraid anymore. I can do this. There’s nothing stopping me but me.

In the midst of all of these encouraging words to myself, my heart song is on overdrive. You can do it! Yeah, you can do it! Do what? I haven’t figured that out yet, but I’m sure it will come. I’ve been feeling like I could move a boulder with a single word.

Powerful.

So I’m sitting on my bed smiling to myself and asking God if He would PLEASE give me a HINT of what’s to come. I feel like I have a present in front of me but it’s not time to open it yet but you know it’s going to be EXACTLY what you always needed.

I’m pulling up my sweatpants when my phone rings. It’s R, a new friend of mine.

“So,” he says. “Are you sleeping?”
“No,” I say and smile. “I’m putting on my pants.”
“Well, I have something to tell ya. I have two tickets to see Kanye West. I bought them for you.”
“Stop playin!”
He laughs. “I’m not playin. Ground floor, row 7. Is that close enough?”
“Stop playin!”
He laughs. “Get yourself a babysitter and invite one of your friends and have a good time.”

I think I hung up with him. I must have.

All I remember is floating around my living room with this sound in my head.

KANYE WEST! KANYE WEST! KANYE WEST! KANYE WEST!

I’m going to the concert! God loves me soo much! He sent a MAN to bless me!

Maybe they aren’t so bad after all…

I have 6 days to find something to wear!

Oh my gosh!

GOD

Has not forgotten…

Google Me

Off the Wall Search Phrases Used to Find My Blog

1. Black Women Butts Pics

2. cool tee shits

3. i want to know bow wow phone number

4. boyfriend wants me to diaper him

5. real ghetto girls fighting caught on videos

6. God my wife is gone and I dont know if I want her back

7. girls who share there men

8. father and daughter share bed and having sex

9. miami gay bath club stories

10. how to grow my baby’s eyelashes

Bootylicious

Today was a remarkable day.

While rummaging around in my underwear drawer I found a pair I hadn’t worn in a while. I put them on and wore them all day and I was in heaven.

Full panties, baby!

It was weird at first. I always hated the dreaded panty line. But these things were so soft and so sweet to me all day that I found myself rubbing my booty quite a bit and making extra trips to the restroom to check out my booty in the mirror.

Why didn’t anyone remind me that full panties were this comfortable? No string up my butt. No irritation. It actually felt like I had two warm hands on my booty all day long and you know how wonderful that would be.

I think I’m about to change the game up.

Who says thongs are the only sexy underwear? And who the hell am I being sexy for anyway?

Kickin It With Kanye On His First Headlining Tour

For the first time ever in life, Sylvia actually got dressed for the concert faster than I did.

I was throwing clothes and shoes around my room looking for my heels when I heard her ring my doorbell.

“Damn! You ain’t ready YET!?” she asked in amazement as she stepped into my house.

“Man, shut up. I had to change outfits. The belt that went with the other top made me look fat.”
I quickly put on my heels and went to the mirror to apply my lip liner and lip gloss. I smiled in satisfaction. “Damn Mama. You FIIINNEE!!”

We hopped into Sylvia’s Accord and were on our way to see the Kanye West’s Touch the Sky tour which started right here in MIAMI. She had printed out Mapquest directions to the UM convocation center, but the best laid directions won’t help when you’re stuck in traffic and you have ME as the navigator.

The concert was set to begin at 7:30, but it was already 7:15 and we were lost in Coral Gables.

“I can’t believe I listened to you!” Sylvia said to me as we pulled over at a gas station to ask for directions.

“I don’t know why you listened to me. I’m not even wearing my glasses. I can’t see a THING!”

“Come on Kanye,” Sylvia pleads as we drive down US1. “Lead us to you.”

We finally find the place and find parking and walk with the crowds through the University of Miami campus. We can see students in their dorm rooms studying and hanging out.

“Ahh, the college life.” I say and laugh. “They’re probably studying for midterms. he..he…Hey, listen to this. My friend Dianna called me and told me that she was studying for midterms and I said, ‘Midterms? Ughh. That is sooo 2002. You need to graduate! Get something new to talk about. LOL! ‘”

“Uh. Uhhh.” Sylvia admonished me. “Don’t do that girl like that. You’re supposed to encourage her.”

“What the HELL ever. That bitch know I love her but the college life is soooo over.”

We finally reached the building and ask the usher to help us find our seats.

“Just go to section 113 and there is a staircase there that will take you down to the floor.”

~singing~ Floor seats! Get on down!!! Shake that thang! Pop that thang!

As soon as we step onto the staircase the lights go off and a spotlight hits the stage. We tip toe to the bottom in our heels as a woman with a long blonde weave enters the stage.

“Keyshia Cole ya’ll!” She says into the microphone as she and her two background singers/dancers walk to the front of the stage and start gyrating to the music. I laugh to myself because I don’t know her music well. What I remember most about her is the commentary Donovan wrote about her on Inciting a Riot and this picture he posted.

LMAO! Those entertainment bloggers are HILARIOUS!

When I find my seat there’s someone sitting in it. I look at him. He looks at me. Sylvia looks nervous. I ask the person sitting next to him what seat he has. “Seat 2,” the guy responds. I look at my ticket. Hmm… Row 7, seat 3. I look at the guy again and he pulls out his ticket. It says seat 6. He is STILL looking at me strangely.

I make a motion with my hand for him and his girl to to scoot down. He does and we sit down to listen to Keyshia finish her set. Before she’s done she gives all the glory and honor to God for making a way for her. Praise the LORD Girl! I feel ya.

While they are setting up the stage for the next act, out of the corner of my eye I see a woman who looks very familiar about to walk by us. “Oh my GOD!” I screech. “That’s Kanye West’s MOM!”

Ms. West stops and turns toward me and says, “Hey!” I smile and say “Hey!” and she continues on.

“Was that really her?” Sylvia asks.

“Yeah. I watched DRIVEN, like, 100 times. I know what she looks like. Kanye West IS IN THIS BUILDING! AHHHHHHHH!!!”

The stage hands drop a curtain down and it says FANTASIA. The audience claps. YAY!

I begin to sing and get all fluttery. ~singing~ “This goes out to all my Baby Mama’s!”

“I hate that song.” Sylvia announces.

“That’s because you ain’t a Baby Mama!” I say and roll my eyes.

Fantasia enters the stage and tears it up. I felt like I was back watching American Idol. She looked great. She had on some tight black shorts with black boots and rhinestones up the back of them and a white button down shirt with a black bra underneath. Her hair was and IS always on point.

Her voice is beautiful and her performance was powerful. I actually felt like I was in church. When she started singing her Baby Mama song, nearly everyone sat down. LOL! I stood up and sang along and then I looked around and noticed that the only other people standing up were Black women, waving their hands and squealing. I really don’t see what the big deal is. If you listen to the lyrics of her song, and you’re a single mother, you feel her.

You get that support check in the mail
You open it and you’re like WHAT THE HELL
This ain’t even half of daycare
You’re thinking to yourself this shit ain’t fair!

I would have added another verse though

He come round flossin his nice ass Jag
Talkin shit bout what you can’t provide
But that’s okay you Black Gorilla
At least I ain’t riding with that ol nappy headed hoe you UNCIRCUMCISED BASTARD!

Yeahhhh….

I am so happy for Fantasia and extremely proud of her too.

The concert breaks after she leaves the stage. Everyone is thinking Common is going to be on next. But when they play a video of Kanye West and his friends pledging a fraternity called Broke Phi Broke, we all know that Kanye is about to hit the stage.

~sigh~

I was in awe during his extremely, extremely long performance. I think dude sang like 100 songs.

Fine ass Common came out during Kanye’s performance and Kanye announced that he wouldn’t be a part of the tour because he was going to be in a movie. But he performed his hit ‘Go’ anyway and had the audience vibing. If he wanted me to, I’d have, like, 3 of his babies. Ok, maybe 4. Dude is GEORGEOUS!

But back to Kanye. He looked GREAT! All sweaty and masculine like. He has great energy. Great delivery and you can tell he was just getting warmed up.

When he sang ‘All Falls Down’ and he got to the part that goes:

Drug dealers buy Jordans,
Crackheads buy crack
And the white man get paid off of all a dat

He changed it to say:

Drug dealer buy Jordans
Crackheads buy crack
And GEORGE BUSH gets paid off of all a dat

Everyone laughed and said, OOOOOOOOOOHHHHH!

He performed all of his hits and a new favorite of mine was a song that he rode out on called ROSES.

I LOVE KANYE WEST!

After the show ended I turned to Sylvia. “Girl, wait a minute and let me go give Kanye’s Mama a hug.”

She laughed at me but I didn’t care. Kanye’s Mama was sitting 5 rows in front of me. I walked up to her and waited while other fans took pictures with her. She turned to me and smiled.

“May I give you a hug?” I asked her and smiled.

“Sure,” she said and hugged me tightly.

“Your son is such an inspiration to me. I’m raising two young boys myself and I hope that they turn out to be phenomenal men like Kanye.”

She smiled.

“Enjoy your time in Miami,” I said to her and turned away to find Sylvia.

When I found Sylvia I asked her if she has seen me talking to Kanye’s Mom. “No.” she replied. “Did you really go up to her?”

“HELL yes I went up to her! I can’t believe you didn’t see that! I needed you to see so no one can say I was lieing.”

“Girl, we all know you don’t lie about stuff like that.”

“Damn right I don’t.”

When I got home it was just after 11pm. My little sister was on the couch listening to music.

“Was it good?” she asked me.

“Sure was!”

“Was Fantasia there?”

“Yep. She sang B-A-B-Y M-A-M-A!” I sang to her.

“Girl, I wonder who told her how to spell Baby Mama.”

“SHUT UP!” I laughed. “You are so rude!”

I had a WONDERFUL, WONDERFUL time and I was so close to Kanye I could have spit on him.

Thanks Ryan!

Computer Love

A little while ago I decided to give my friend a very special birthday gift.

Frankly, I was just as frustrated with her lack of success in the dating scene as she was and I wanted her to meet some new people. Without asking her I put an ad for her on Craig’s List. after another friend of mine said that she had been doing some dating through that site.

This is the ad I placed:

Hi.

My friend’s birthday is tomorrow and all she REALLY wants is a good man for a possible friendship/relationship. I can’t help her in that department so I decided to try this instead. She’s a young professional. Lots of fun. Stable. Recently quit smoking cold turkey and I’m so proud of her.

We met in college the first week of school and we’ve been friends ever since. She moved to Miami and hasn’t met a decent man since she’s been here. I’d love to see her happy and in a stable relationship. I know there are men out there with good hearts who would like to show a young woman that ALL MEN AREN’T garbage.

My friend is 26. No kids. A couple of tattoos in hidden places. College educated. About 5’5″ 125 lbs. Smiles a lot. Is a very good friend to me. Loves her cat. Independent. She’s a sweet woman who would really be a blessing to a man one day.

Neither one of us knows how to recognize Mr. Right. But we know that he at LEAST has a stable income, clean lifestyle (no druggies) and can recognize a good woman’s value. Please be between the ages of 25-40 and she likes men 6 feet tall and over. ~shrugs~ If you’re a good man (AND YOU KNOW IT) For her 26th birthday, why don’t you email me and I’ll send you her way. Pics are a must.

She doesn’t chat or even come online at all. I have a picture of her too. I just want her to meet someone special. (So she’ll shut up about it!) ~smile~

After I placed the ad I got responses right away. I called her phone and left her a message.

“Hey, it’s me. For your birthday surprise I placed an ad on Craig’s List in the personals section and I’ve already gotten 6 replies from men who want to meet you. I hope you’re not mad. I just want you to have what you really want for your birthday.”

She called me back the next morning, “YOU DID WHAT?!!!!”

“Come on! Give it a try. You never know.” I plead.

“Oh my GOD!” She laughed and softened a bit. “Girl….. OK. Forward me the guys that you think I’d like and I’ll see if any of them interests me.”

~whew~

So for what seemed like WEEKS we sifted through the responses from the ad I placed. She finally saw one that she liked enough to call and she boldly called him up to talk. He asked her out and she met him on South Beach at a party.

I sat home waiting for her to call me and tell me what happened.

My phone rings close to midnight.

“Hello.”

“Girl. You won’t believe this. I’m sitting at the bar and this bouncer guy comes over to me and asks me if I’m waiting for someone. So I tell him that I’m waiting for my internet date and he laughs at me.”

I laugh.

“Then he says that the guy will probably not be anything like he described and I said I didn’t care. So I’m sitting there and this guy walks up to me and says Hi. Oh my gosh, it’s Brian and I’m so pissed off! He is like, 5’6″! FREAKIN 5’6″ He told me he was 6 FEET TALL on the phone! He’s a LIAR! Ughhh!”

“So what happened?”

“Well, I was very dissappointed but I hung out with him a little and then we walked along the beach after and talked about a lot of different stuff like politics. He was a good conversationalist. But at the end of the night he asked me if I had a good time and I lied and told him yeah. Then he said that he thought I acted bored the whole time so I lied and told him that I found him very interesting.”

“Then what happened?”

“Then I lied and told him I’d call him soon and I left. He’s a F—king LIAR! I can’t believe he did that! That’s all I could think about. How the HELL are you gonna lie about your HEIGHT! Like, did he think I wasn’t going to notice that?!”

“I don’t know dawg. I mean… it’s only height.”

“But he’s a LIAR! Come on Tee. You know I hate liars.”

“Me too, so… I guess I feel you. He was probably insecure.”

“Whatever. I’m never seeing him again.”

“Ok, well, on to the next.”

So we sift through even more replies and she emails some and doesn’t really find anyone that she clicks with. After a few more phone conversations with strangers I am telling her that she is really shocking me by going through with this. She’s more passive. She’s used to guys hitting on her. She has to be proactive in the online dating scene, PLUS she had NEVER tried it before. She didn’t have a page on BP or anything. She was a complete INTERNET virgin.

I try to encourage her and that’s difficult for ME since I’m not really feeling the dating scene right now. But I know without a doubt that my friend’s greatest desire, besides becoming a pharmacist, is to be a wife and mother. And I know she doesn’t really have that much faith in men due to a rough relationship history, so I applaud her for still trying. Some women, like me, have simply let go and turned our focus to other things.

She meets another guy named John and she enjoys their phone conversations. The only thing, he won’t call her back until weird hours. He said he had two jobs which kept him busy and that his parents were in town from out of the country and he couldn’t take her out right away.

Then he just stops calling her. We both assume the worst.

“He’s probably married,” she says. “And he can’t get away from his poor wife so he can’t take me out.”

We forget about him.

Finally after another dramatic episode with one of her ex’s I refuse to let him take up any space in her brain. “We’re going back on Craig’s List and we’re going to see if any guys placed ads and if he sounds nice we’ll respond to it.” I announce.

She reluctantly agrees.

I’m on the phone with her reading ads to her and she’s giving me the yay or nay to send a reply and her picture. After about a half hour of reading we call it quits and wait to see if anyone responds.

Again she emails some of them and start the communication process. One guy writes and asks her, “Have you had your birthday spanking yet?”

She immediately deletes his email. One guy sends her a picture of his naked penis. For the most part the men seem normal, but she is very particular about men’s looks and I encourage her to be more liberal.

She starts to talk to one of them regularly. He’s Turkish. 26. Owns an online business and he makes her laugh. She agrees to meet him at a Turkish party that one of his friend’s was throwing.

I’m home waiting for her phone call to tell me how it went.

I fall asleep before she calls and I awake to this message.

“I had a good time. He was kinda nerdy looking but he was very nice. I think I’ll go out with him again.”

YAY!!!!

For the next 3 weeks they talk everyday and see each other about twice a week. She says he’s funny, sweet and he takes her out to very nice restaurants and tells her she’s pretty and he likes her.

WINNER!

I’m so happy I could float. But I’m also a little jealous. Now when I call her I get, “Girl, let me call you back I’m on the phone with my Turkish man!” and she laughs.

Yeah she has someone else to occupy her time now and I have a hard time sharing my friends but dammit if this works out and they decide to have a relationship- MY GOODNESS- she’ll finally have someone treating her well and maybe she’ll get that baby she’s been craving.

“Are you guys together yet?” I ask her week after week. I desperately want to write about it on my blog.

“No, we’re just friends. But he’s nice to me. He makes me laugh. He’s so smart and that is so sexy. Only thing, well, he lost his virginity when he was 20. He doesn’t have much experience with women. And he’s foreign so I’m afraid he’s just dating me to get his green card.”

“Aww shut up! You are so negative! Can’t a man sincerely like you and think you’re pretty without having an ulterior motive? He’s treating you very well. You find him attractive. What’s the problem? Just let go and let him be nice to you. Don’t sabotage this girl. Besides…you want a baby, he may want a green card, it’s a fair trade if you ask me.” I laugh.

“But I don’t want a baby from someone who is gonna leave me high and dry.”

“But as long as I’ve known you you’ve ALWAYS expected that from men anyway. You never expect a man to stay. Change your expectations.”

“Ok. We’ll see. He is kinda funny though with his little accent. I don’t know.”

Today she calls me while I am taking a nap. She’s known for leaving very detailed, emotionally charged voice messages and today is no exception.

“Girl, I have decided to leave him alone.” she begins.

I cringe as I listen to the sadness in her voice.

“Last night he called me and asked me to marry him. He said he just found out that he is about to be deported. Call me back.”

I step outside with the phone and sit down cross legged on my porch. I lean back against my door and sigh. My heart drops.

No. No. No.

I guess I had been putting my hopes in her happiness because I wanted to see if it could actually happen. I guess I was hoping to see that there are men out there who will be sweet without ulterior motives and if she could meet one then maybe I could stop pretending like I didn’t want one too.

But he’s a pretender just like the rest.

I call her office and get her voice mail. She calls me back.

“Yeah girl. I’m so upset right now. I could hardly sleep last night and I have my 2nd interview in a few hours.”

“What did he say?”

“He said he liked me a lot and he really needed to get married. He asked me to do it as a favor. I told him that God wouldn’t like that, especially since we didn’t love each other. He offered to pay all of our bills for our apartment-“

“Wait. You mean, he’d want to live with you and everything?”

“Yeah girl, he really wants to get married and he says he has to get married by next month or he will be sent back to Turkey.”

“Damn. Damn. Damn. I’m sorry chick.”

“Yeah, I told him that we couldn’t talk anymore. He says he has one other option but he’d rather marry me because he likes me.” She pauses. Takes a deep breath and continues. “My worst fear right? I KNEW IT. I predicted it. That’s it. I’m never dating again.”

“But you had some fun times with him didn’t you?”

“Yeah but if a little fun is going to get me THIS result then, I’d rather be by myself. I can’t take feeling like this anymore. I’m always good. Good to them. That’s it. I’m going to be single forever.”

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

All Over The Place

The problem with being multi-talented is…how do you decide which talent to hone first?

Do you wait until someone comes along who needs that particular talent? How do you choose which one to pursue?

I know that I am destined to do something great on this planet. I just don’t know what that will be. My talents are:

Writing plays
Writing songs
Writing poetry
Writing stories
Interviewing for print or television
Copy editing
Forming blueprints for business plans
Research
Seeing the jewel that is in everyone and helping them to focus on their sparkle
Encouraging and loving children
Encouraging women
Sharing my heart in a most unique and powerful way
Hosting parties
Hosting for television
Radio talent
Opinion column writer
Professional Name Tag Maker
Letter writer
Teacher
Speaker
Preacher
And so much more that deal with communication…

What do I do with all of this?

My main hope, after all is said and done, is to help people accomplish their dreams. I want to become successful so that people can come to me for help and my MAIN HOPE is to be in a position to help them financially and with a vast array of business knowledge and connections.

Best to believe that when I blow up, I’m taking all the talented people I know with me.

With all of these talents and passions and interests, I know that I need to focus, but I can’t. I’m a big ol mess. I’m all over the place.

I’m praying for direction. I’m putting myself out there.

It would be a lot easier if all I could do was SING.

But dammit- I am a great communicator. I need an outlet to have my voice heard.

Oh, he…hee.. isn’t that what this blog is for?

~sigh~

Thanks for listening to me think aloud.