Computer Love

A little while ago I decided to give my friend a very special birthday gift.

Frankly, I was just as frustrated with her lack of success in the dating scene as she was and I wanted her to meet some new people. Without asking her I put an ad for her on Craig’s List. after another friend of mine said that she had been doing some dating through that site.

This is the ad I placed:

Hi.

My friend’s birthday is tomorrow and all she REALLY wants is a good man for a possible friendship/relationship. I can’t help her in that department so I decided to try this instead. She’s a young professional. Lots of fun. Stable. Recently quit smoking cold turkey and I’m so proud of her.

We met in college the first week of school and we’ve been friends ever since. She moved to Miami and hasn’t met a decent man since she’s been here. I’d love to see her happy and in a stable relationship. I know there are men out there with good hearts who would like to show a young woman that ALL MEN AREN’T garbage.

My friend is 26. No kids. A couple of tattoos in hidden places. College educated. About 5’5″ 125 lbs. Smiles a lot. Is a very good friend to me. Loves her cat. Independent. She’s a sweet woman who would really be a blessing to a man one day.

Neither one of us knows how to recognize Mr. Right. But we know that he at LEAST has a stable income, clean lifestyle (no druggies) and can recognize a good woman’s value. Please be between the ages of 25-40 and she likes men 6 feet tall and over. ~shrugs~ If you’re a good man (AND YOU KNOW IT) For her 26th birthday, why don’t you email me and I’ll send you her way. Pics are a must.

She doesn’t chat or even come online at all. I have a picture of her too. I just want her to meet someone special. (So she’ll shut up about it!) ~smile~

After I placed the ad I got responses right away. I called her phone and left her a message.

“Hey, it’s me. For your birthday surprise I placed an ad on Craig’s List in the personals section and I’ve already gotten 6 replies from men who want to meet you. I hope you’re not mad. I just want you to have what you really want for your birthday.”

She called me back the next morning, “YOU DID WHAT?!!!!”

“Come on! Give it a try. You never know.” I plead.

“Oh my GOD!” She laughed and softened a bit. “Girl….. OK. Forward me the guys that you think I’d like and I’ll see if any of them interests me.”

~whew~

So for what seemed like WEEKS we sifted through the responses from the ad I placed. She finally saw one that she liked enough to call and she boldly called him up to talk. He asked her out and she met him on South Beach at a party.

I sat home waiting for her to call me and tell me what happened.

My phone rings close to midnight.

“Hello.”

“Girl. You won’t believe this. I’m sitting at the bar and this bouncer guy comes over to me and asks me if I’m waiting for someone. So I tell him that I’m waiting for my internet date and he laughs at me.”

I laugh.

“Then he says that the guy will probably not be anything like he described and I said I didn’t care. So I’m sitting there and this guy walks up to me and says Hi. Oh my gosh, it’s Brian and I’m so pissed off! He is like, 5’6″! FREAKIN 5’6″ He told me he was 6 FEET TALL on the phone! He’s a LIAR! Ughhh!”

“So what happened?”

“Well, I was very dissappointed but I hung out with him a little and then we walked along the beach after and talked about a lot of different stuff like politics. He was a good conversationalist. But at the end of the night he asked me if I had a good time and I lied and told him yeah. Then he said that he thought I acted bored the whole time so I lied and told him that I found him very interesting.”

“Then what happened?”

“Then I lied and told him I’d call him soon and I left. He’s a F—king LIAR! I can’t believe he did that! That’s all I could think about. How the HELL are you gonna lie about your HEIGHT! Like, did he think I wasn’t going to notice that?!”

“I don’t know dawg. I mean… it’s only height.”

“But he’s a LIAR! Come on Tee. You know I hate liars.”

“Me too, so… I guess I feel you. He was probably insecure.”

“Whatever. I’m never seeing him again.”

“Ok, well, on to the next.”

So we sift through even more replies and she emails some and doesn’t really find anyone that she clicks with. After a few more phone conversations with strangers I am telling her that she is really shocking me by going through with this. She’s more passive. She’s used to guys hitting on her. She has to be proactive in the online dating scene, PLUS she had NEVER tried it before. She didn’t have a page on BP or anything. She was a complete INTERNET virgin.

I try to encourage her and that’s difficult for ME since I’m not really feeling the dating scene right now. But I know without a doubt that my friend’s greatest desire, besides becoming a pharmacist, is to be a wife and mother. And I know she doesn’t really have that much faith in men due to a rough relationship history, so I applaud her for still trying. Some women, like me, have simply let go and turned our focus to other things.

She meets another guy named John and she enjoys their phone conversations. The only thing, he won’t call her back until weird hours. He said he had two jobs which kept him busy and that his parents were in town from out of the country and he couldn’t take her out right away.

Then he just stops calling her. We both assume the worst.

“He’s probably married,” she says. “And he can’t get away from his poor wife so he can’t take me out.”

We forget about him.

Finally after another dramatic episode with one of her ex’s I refuse to let him take up any space in her brain. “We’re going back on Craig’s List and we’re going to see if any guys placed ads and if he sounds nice we’ll respond to it.” I announce.

She reluctantly agrees.

I’m on the phone with her reading ads to her and she’s giving me the yay or nay to send a reply and her picture. After about a half hour of reading we call it quits and wait to see if anyone responds.

Again she emails some of them and start the communication process. One guy writes and asks her, “Have you had your birthday spanking yet?”

She immediately deletes his email. One guy sends her a picture of his naked penis. For the most part the men seem normal, but she is very particular about men’s looks and I encourage her to be more liberal.

She starts to talk to one of them regularly. He’s Turkish. 26. Owns an online business and he makes her laugh. She agrees to meet him at a Turkish party that one of his friend’s was throwing.

I’m home waiting for her phone call to tell me how it went.

I fall asleep before she calls and I awake to this message.

“I had a good time. He was kinda nerdy looking but he was very nice. I think I’ll go out with him again.”

YAY!!!!

For the next 3 weeks they talk everyday and see each other about twice a week. She says he’s funny, sweet and he takes her out to very nice restaurants and tells her she’s pretty and he likes her.

WINNER!

I’m so happy I could float. But I’m also a little jealous. Now when I call her I get, “Girl, let me call you back I’m on the phone with my Turkish man!” and she laughs.

Yeah she has someone else to occupy her time now and I have a hard time sharing my friends but dammit if this works out and they decide to have a relationship- MY GOODNESS- she’ll finally have someone treating her well and maybe she’ll get that baby she’s been craving.

“Are you guys together yet?” I ask her week after week. I desperately want to write about it on my blog.

“No, we’re just friends. But he’s nice to me. He makes me laugh. He’s so smart and that is so sexy. Only thing, well, he lost his virginity when he was 20. He doesn’t have much experience with women. And he’s foreign so I’m afraid he’s just dating me to get his green card.”

“Aww shut up! You are so negative! Can’t a man sincerely like you and think you’re pretty without having an ulterior motive? He’s treating you very well. You find him attractive. What’s the problem? Just let go and let him be nice to you. Don’t sabotage this girl. Besides…you want a baby, he may want a green card, it’s a fair trade if you ask me.” I laugh.

“But I don’t want a baby from someone who is gonna leave me high and dry.”

“But as long as I’ve known you you’ve ALWAYS expected that from men anyway. You never expect a man to stay. Change your expectations.”

“Ok. We’ll see. He is kinda funny though with his little accent. I don’t know.”

Today she calls me while I am taking a nap. She’s known for leaving very detailed, emotionally charged voice messages and today is no exception.

“Girl, I have decided to leave him alone.” she begins.

I cringe as I listen to the sadness in her voice.

“Last night he called me and asked me to marry him. He said he just found out that he is about to be deported. Call me back.”

I step outside with the phone and sit down cross legged on my porch. I lean back against my door and sigh. My heart drops.

No. No. No.

I guess I had been putting my hopes in her happiness because I wanted to see if it could actually happen. I guess I was hoping to see that there are men out there who will be sweet without ulterior motives and if she could meet one then maybe I could stop pretending like I didn’t want one too.

But he’s a pretender just like the rest.

I call her office and get her voice mail. She calls me back.

“Yeah girl. I’m so upset right now. I could hardly sleep last night and I have my 2nd interview in a few hours.”

“What did he say?”

“He said he liked me a lot and he really needed to get married. He asked me to do it as a favor. I told him that God wouldn’t like that, especially since we didn’t love each other. He offered to pay all of our bills for our apartment-“

“Wait. You mean, he’d want to live with you and everything?”

“Yeah girl, he really wants to get married and he says he has to get married by next month or he will be sent back to Turkey.”

“Damn. Damn. Damn. I’m sorry chick.”

“Yeah, I told him that we couldn’t talk anymore. He says he has one other option but he’d rather marry me because he likes me.” She pauses. Takes a deep breath and continues. “My worst fear right? I KNEW IT. I predicted it. That’s it. I’m never dating again.”

“But you had some fun times with him didn’t you?”

“Yeah but if a little fun is going to get me THIS result then, I’d rather be by myself. I can’t take feeling like this anymore. I’m always good. Good to them. That’s it. I’m going to be single forever.”

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”