Month: January 2005

2005?

Doesn’t really feel like a New Year although my boys and I had so much fun bringing the New Year in. By 12:12 we were all knocked out. Sorry I missed all those New Years phone calls, but it’s all love.

This holiday has been amazing. I hung out with my two bestfriends in the whole world so many times, I could probably go half a year without seeing them again. See, I’m not a high maintenance friend. A phone call a month and maybe a visit a year and I’m straight. I have too many homegirls to do that daily blab on the phone thing. Although I do have one friend that I IM everyday, my chick Dianna.

But THIS holiday I had so much fun with my family and my friends families. You know how your bestfriend’s family throws a party and you know it’s gonna be so much food and cute cousins to flirt with, well that’s how it is with my girls.

Christmas Day

On Christmas day I woke up late. I had just got home around 9 a.m. Let’s just blame Anna for my late night. I knew my Mama wasn’t cooking so I called Anna to see if any food was ready over her house. She said she’d call me when it was. I chose an outfit. Nothing fancy. Just a simple summer dress, it was kinda warm out and I got the call from Anna saying I better get there quick.

I grabbed my little sister, (she was hungry too) and we rode down to Brown Subs where Anna lives. We both almost cried when we saw the turkey, ham, mac n cheese, collared greens, green beans and millions of pies. Food is sooo good!

We hung out a little after we ate. We didn’t want it to seem like we just came to eat. LOL! But ofcourse my other bestfriend Tamara had invited me to her house for her family’s Christmas party.

On the way there we drove through my old neighborhood, Liberty City. We rode by my old middle school, ahh, Drew Middle, and we drove by the meat stoe (yes I said meat STOE, not store) and we drove by the Pork N Beans projects, my highschool sweetheart used to live in those projects. When we got to 62nd and 12th ave I got this devilish thought.

Suprise for my Baby Daddy

My baby daddy told me that he would be at his grandfathers house which was in the area, maybe I should stop by and..you know…say Merry Christmas to my sons who I wouldn’t see again until they came back on New Years Eve.

I turned the corner and spied my baby daddy’s truck. True, they were there. Now when he and I were together I had visited his family several times. They all knew me but ofcourse I had not seen them since we broke up. My little sister laughed as I parked in front of his truck and got out.

“Do I look straight?” I asked her.

“You’re straight.” she replied and laughed.

As I walked up to the gate there was a young woman standing there. When she saw me approach she smiled and greeted me.

“Hi. You must be (baby daddy’s girlfriend- we’ll call her Hyper Chick).”

I smile and bat my eyes at her.

“No, I’m not, but hello to you too.”

I keep stepping past her and knock on the door.

When the door opens I can hear a collective gasp go around the room. I step in as if I’m on a stage and my sons run past me to hug my sister. Darn kids!

“Hello.” I say. It was more of an announcement than a greeting. I hear my baby daddy’s voice say, “Is that Hyper Chick?”

I see him turn toward the door and frown. I immediately began hugging and greeting everyone in the house, including my son’s paternal grandmother. I’m wondering why they look so shocked when it hit me- whoa- they all must have been waiting for Hyper Chick to arrive and here I am THE BABY MAMA, waltsing in without an invitation or any advanced warning.

Ooh!

One of my baby daddy’s aunts ask me to sit down and join them for their Christmas program. I smile and decline. I know what she’s trying to do. I saw her in a drug store a few months ago and she went on and on about how much Hyper Chick annoys them and they don’t like her because she’s too “hyper”. Her words, not mine.

Out of the corner of my eye I see my baby daddy and his Mama making a beeline for the door. Are they trying to go outside to warn Hyper Chick that I was there?

No, not on Christmas Day. I wouldn’t have started anything with that chick. Prolly would have just given her a stank look and kept walking.

Why the stank look, you ask?

There’s a bit of history between she and I.

She began dating my baby daddy while he and I were still living together and I was pregnant with our first child.



She continued dating him after he dumped me when I was pregnant with our second child. I would have to go to his house and see her there with my son and his daddy. All the while I was still in love with him and carrying baby number 2. That really hurt.



That hoe TRIED me at my children’s dedication at church. While we were IN CHURCH. I cordially walked up to her and extended my hand saying “Hey, let’s not be bitter today.” To which she responded, “Don’t play fake with me. I’m not scared of you so you just better stay out of my face!”



My baby daddy invited me to Orlando for a party he was throwing for my son and forgot to mention that she was going to be there. I got over it. Didn’t speak to her though. She called herself trying to confront me about whatever. Come one now, I was about to fight, cursed her out! I look like the crazy baby mama once again.

Honestly I have nothing against her. My sons say she is nice. I’m sure she’s sweet. I just think that had she been some new woman that he met AFTER we broke up for the second time I would be a bit more open to it. But because I know she was there while I was pregnant, man, I lost all respect. How can you date someone who has a baby on the way? I don’t care what the man tells you about how she was a one night stand, how he doesn’t love her or whatever, dude, there HAS to be someone with some hurt feelings in the situation.

Woman to woman, how would you feel if the shoe was on the other foot?

I would NEVER do that. Unless I am desperate and want to hold on to the only man who has ever paid me any attention.

Ooh.. I didn’t mean to make this post about this mess. Sorry. ~cringing~

I mean, this is OLD news. 2005… no more baby daddy drama ( I hope) and no run-ins with Hyper Chick.

I’m trying to write about the holiday parties.

Tamara’s party

Well, after we left their house, (no sign of Hyper Chick) we went over to Tamara’s house. Tamara’s family is different from Anna’s. They try to be a little more elegant about things. Evryone was dressed up and sipping champagne and playing games while at Anna’s house everyone was watching the Lakers play The Heat.

My lil sis and I drooled over the appetizers in the kitchen. Strawberries and chocolate. Cherries. Some crazy stuff we never heard of. Since Tamara is Trinidadian, there are ALWAYS crazy looking foods that seem so weird to me. But I am pretty open minded and I’ll try anything once.

I make plates for my Mama and around 10pm I’m done partying and sipping on egg nog.

New Years Party

I spent New Years with my own family. I just happened to stop by my aunt’s house on Saturday evening to say Hi and let her see my sons and when I get there there’s all this food and liquor.

“Uh, this looks like a party.” I say to one of my aunts.

“Every year Linda has this party for her birthday. Go home and get dressed and come back.”

“True.”

Ain’t no party like a family party!

First of all, my family is so wild! I mean my female cousins will KNOCK U OUT if you try them, but they’re so cute too. I always admired them because they have the whole Miami ghetto fabulous look down. Hair weave tight! Nails done right! Outfit like whoa! Always in fashion. I was never like that.

Actually, if they weren’t my cousins, we prolly wouldn’t be friends. That’s how different we are. But fact is, we ARE cousins, so don’t try me because I’ll call em and they carry blades. LOL!

Man, I have not enjoyed myself more. My cousin Bookie was the bartender and when I walked up she announced, “My job is to make sure everyone here is COMPLETELY DRUNK!”

We’re all in the living room dancing and laughing and just vibing off of being togther. We’ve seen each other grow up, mess up and wise up and now we’re just a bunch of grown-ups with our kids, trying to hold it down.

I love my peeps. I am so glad to be around to enjoy them for while.

There is ABSOULUTELY nothing like having friends and family around. Just that fact makes my days brighter and my reality easier to cope with.

Much Love in 2005!

Working Hard or Hardly Working?

A sista will be scarce around these parts due to extreme hours of work. Or maybe I’ll find a way to blog from work, who knows.

My shortest post ever. Wow. This one’s for the history books, ya’ll.

Well, they done did it!

My friends Stephanie and Jason are finally getting married. They met almost 10 years ago and went through the ups and downs of college and growing up and moving on with their lives. I knew it would happen, but I didn’t know it would affect me like this.

People I know are getting married…Wow.

As I perused her wedding website my heart dropped. I’m getting old. People are getting married. People are building homes. Why do I still feel like a jit?

Honestly, the thing that really bothered me was the fact that Stephanie and Jason are mutual friends of me and my baby daddy’s. He and I had the same circle of friends while in college. So, my baby daddy is going to be in the wedding. So I know I have to see him there. I don’t want to be within 2 feet of that man.

Can you believe it’s putting a damper on my excitement for my sorority sister? I don’t hate my baby daddy. But being in his presence puts me on the defensive because I know he’s always talking smack about me.

Surprise, It’s a Miracle!

UltraMag received such a wonderful blessing I had to showcase it.

I am so happy for you chica. I hope for all the same things you hoped for. Because you received your blessing, I know mine is on the way. Thanks for giving me hope, making me cry and smile.

Much Love,

Tee

You Can Hate Me Now

I’m walking into my night job and I’m happy as usual because I like being there. I pass by this group of Black women and I smile and say Hi. They mumble their response and look away. I raise my eyebrow and stroll on. Must be having a bad day…



In the morning I drop off my sons at their school. Two Black female teachers that I have never met are standing outside. “Goodmorning,” I say. One walks past me without saying a word. The other says “Goodmorning.” and rolls her eyes.



I walk into a room full of people I don’t know well. One woman immediately starts to whisper to her friend and guestures toward me. They laugh. When I am within range of this woman I smile and say Hi. During our conversation she makes all kind of catty comments about women with afro’s and even the mentions the whole “house slave” thing.



I once had a friend tell me, “You know, after knowing you, I sometimes forget you are light-skinned.”

While generally, I’ve never had a problem with women I didn’t know, I can’t understand how someone can stereotype me because of the color of my skin.

In school I was always treated like I was someone special. EVERY YEAR, by EVERY teacher. I was always the teachers pet, always the class helper, etc. When I got older, around middle school I began to learn more about skin color differences and how guys treated light skinned girls differently (better).

As always, my nature had me rooting for the underdog, and I began to resent being light skinned. I couldn’t accept that I was just “sparkly”. Every time I won an award or a guy liked me I chalked it up to them just trying to give me favor because I was Red.

I hated it. If FOR ONE MINUTE, I thought a guy liked me because I had green eyes, I don’t care how fine he was, I wouldn’t give him the time of day.

In highschool I would sit on the bus stop with my girls Tamara and Anna, all 3 of us sucking lollipops with our legs crossed and matching sunglasses. As guys would approach me or typically in Miami they just yell out the car window, “Hey REDDD!” I would think to myself, “Would they still holla if I was darker?”

I think it goes back to my self esteem issue. For some reason I couldn’t allow myself to celebrate how great I was. I made up excuse after excuse for why I was successful and why people liked me. I didn’t allow myself to accept that I was great.

Over the years I actually tried to make sure that every woman knew I wasnt stuck up, especially dark-skinned women. I would be extra friendly and extra happy. I didn’t have any light skinned friends because I didnt want to be a part of a group of girls that were sterotypically cute. Does that make sense? I know its weird, but I didn’t want to be in the light skinned group. I felt like I had to apologize for being who I am and looking the way I do. And to prove I was cool, I stayed away from those who people deemed siddity and stuck up. I developed my own resentment for light skinned women as can be recognized in my steadfast Alicia Keys hating.

But seriously ya’ll, I’m so tired of dodging. I’m tired of ducking. I’m tired of hiding. I’m tired of trying to downplay my personality just so the next woman will feel better about herself. I’m tired of trying to prove to women that I’m still down even though I’m Red.

This grouping by pigment is too much! I mean, you don’t even know me and you already you decide you don’t like me. Or you just met me and already you decide you want to be my friend because we have the same skin color and level of cuteness.

What can I do if you don’t think you are as pretty as I am? I look pretty because I TRY to look good. If you tried you would feel better too. I’m not going to let your rudeness bother me anymore. You don’t want to speak to me, so be it. You want to whisper about me, go ahead. It’s you who are missing out on knowing a cool azz chick and possibly having a great friend.

I’m tired of feeling sorry about the way I look.

Hate me if you want to. Child please, I already have great friends. Friends who are secure enough to hang with a cool chick, cuz they’re cool themselves.

2005 Blog Awards

Let’s all nominate each other. Don’t make me have to have my own awards again. LOL

Click here to nominate me for whatever. I like the Best Writing of A Blog or the Best Topical Blog or the Tagline Blog or nominate your favorite blog. You have until tonight at 10pm. Let’s represent.

Love,

Tee

The Case Against Michael Jackson

I just read all about the alleged molestation charges being brought against Michael Jackson. You know what, I believe he did it.

I think Michael is crazy. Celebrities can be crazy too. In fact, I think you have to be a little bonkers to be able to handle the spotlight like that.

I once read an email forward where the author urged everyone to pray for Michael Jackson’s honesty. He made a great point. Michael’s admission to the guilt of his crime could help so many other victims. He would bring world-wide attention to the sickness of pedophiles. IF he was honest, he could be studied and he would be able to provide insight into the mind of other pedophiles, therefore allowing police and other officials to be able to identify and capture them. Just like this saying goes, It takes one to know one.



Read The Smoking Gun’s Exclusive Report

A Little of This, A Little of That

I was a little sad this morning after watching the news. But I guess that’s why I don’t watch the news, it always makes me sad.

They had specials about the mudslides in California and the relief efforts for the people devastated by the tsunami. I try not to think too hard about natural disasters because look where I live. I’m down here at the tip of a peninsula, surrounded on 3 sides by the ocean, just 15 minutes away from the shore.

But anyway…I don’t want to depress myself so let me not depress you. I’ve been having so much fun. I’m enjoying life and being extremely thankful for the little things, like my Mama who keeps my kids for me while I work two jobs. My schedule is crazy. I work this temp job that I absolutely LOVE from 9-5 and then I work my customer service job from 7pm until midnight. I love my customer service job too. When I answer the phone I say, “Thank you for calling ——, Ciara speaking. How may I help you?”

Yep, I changed my name to Ciara when I’m on the phones. Why? Cuz I got moves like that. Naw, I’m just playing. Really, I hate to keep having to tell people my name. My name is so unusual that when people hear it, they always ask me to repeat it and then to spell it.

“Hi, I’m —–.”

“Excuse me. What did you say your name was?”

“It’s ——-.”

“Reaallly? How did you get a name like that?”

“My mother was very young when she had me.”

“Oh,” raucous laughter. “That explains it! But it’s pretty. Very unique.”

“Mmm, hmm.”

I’m not trying to have that conversation 100 times a day.

I’m also looking forward to sharing some great news. I’ll keep it under wraps until all the t’s have been crossed and the i’s have been dotted.

I love you all!

One time for my girl TAMARA who is finally ONLINE! Remember she didn’t even check her email. She finally checked out my blog for the first time TODAY! Here’s what she said:

Damn Tee like that? Yea I really feel computer illiterate. That website is off da chain I have lots to read and you are so animated you make things sound so exciting that I forget that I was at some of these places.



Wow. An actual email from my bestfriend. I can’t believe it. If I can get her to start her own blog, man, that would be like WHOA! Her parents bought her a new computer for Christmas so maybe I can swing it. She is one of the most fun chicks to go out with and she is really my heart, along with Anna ofcourse. I’m so excited!

I

AM

HAPPY!!!

What a relief!

I’m back!

SO many stories to tell and a whole day off to celebrate Dr. Martin Luther King’s birthday. So in between wrestling with my son and sleeping I’ll be sure to sit and write about what’s going on in my world.

Stay Tuned and I’m glad you stopped by.

Ms. Tee

Party Over Here!

Wow, now that I’ve moved to my new url I actually FEEL like I’ve moved somewhere new. Like I just got a brand new apartment but with all the same furniture. Isn’t that weird?

I went to 3 parties this weekend and had a very, um, emotionally charged time. You know I had to share.

Party #1

I’ve been working this customer service job at night that was very laid back until I actually started WORKING. I mean, customer service is not as easy as you think. People are calling you and writing emails asking for your help with their problems concerning the service you provide. So, you have to know EVERYTHING about the company and its services.

Training lasted for about a month and I was loving it until I actually took my first call. Then I realized that I wasn’t as knowledgeable as I thought I was and that bothered me. Usually, when I take a job it’s a job that I have plenty of experience in and am comfortable with. Having never worked a job like this I felt challenged because the computer programs, the language and the service was all new to me. I’m so used to shining at work that I became disheartened that at this job, I was barely keeping up.

But I promised myself that I would keep trying until I got better and all it really takes is a little practice. The real story behind this customer service job is my interaction with my co-workers.For a little history, I got this job through my friend Dianna who has worked there for over a year. I always liked to tease Dianna because from the pictures and stories she told me her job was like the girl’s job on Baby Boy, you know, his first baby mama. Where she sat in this cubicle on the phone and had static with her co-workers over men and random mess.

Funny how after teasing her about the job, I was now working there. But Dianna works the day shift so my experience would be a bit different from hers. The interesting thing about this job is the different personalities that ecompass the call center. In my past work experience, I had never worked with young people and certainly not young Black people. You know what comes with working around young people? DRAMA!

Dianna warned me that it would be difficult not to get caught up in all the he say, she say, but I was not hearing her because I had never been a part of a gossip circle and even in highschool, never had any enemies.

So after I finished my one on one training it was now time to be thrown into the masses and see what everyone was like. I was often paired with different reps so that I could train with them. There are so many amazing characters there. Each with their own little story to tell and you know I’m the one who is going to ask plenty of questions. Everyone seemed nice, except for a few women. I had to remind myself that damn, everyone is not as friendly as I am and not everyone is as open as I am. Even though Miami is in the south, you can not consider Miami to be Southern, because the typical southern friendliness is nowhere to be found here.

Last Thursday night was my night job’s office party. I was a bit nervous about going because I don’t know anyone in the office like that and they are all very cozy with each other. But my girl Dianna told me to go and have fun. So I meet everyone at this restaurant on Biscayne and when I walk in, no one really notices or they act like they don’t. LOL! I told you I don’t have any friends there. LOL!

I say Hi to our boss and walk over to the bar. It’s an open bar for all of us. I order an Apple Martini and sit down. I hear my name being called. I look across the bar. It’s Dianna! YAY!

I walk over to her and try to give her a hug. I spill my drink all over her. Oy! Sorry chick. You’re wearing black, it won’t show.

We go to the bathroom and clean up and I’m feeling like the biggest dork. I already don’t want to be there and now this mess! She assures me that I’ll have fun if I stay and I let her talk me into it. I tell her to go back to her other friends and to check me later.

I find a seat at the corner of the bar and sit down like a duck. QUACK! I order another drink and sip slowly, looking at everyone and feeling out of place. By this time people are getting pretty tipsy and some stop by to say Hi to me.

I order another Apple Martini and then a shot of vodka. Dianna comes over and I can tell everyone is feeling right. All of a sudden everyone is best friends with everyone else and we’re all hugging and singing and laughing.

We sit down to dinner and it’s amazing how much bolder I get when I drink. I’m talking to everybody and asking questions.

This one girl walks over and I hear her talking to someone else about being a lesbian. This girl is really cute. I’m so surprised. I ask her if she’s serious.

She points to her girlfriend. “We’ve been togther for two years and I’m very happy.”

“So, you just, don’t want a man at all?” I ask her.

“Nope,” she says and smiles.

All of a sudden I am little embarrassed.

“I’m sorry, I’m just…curious.” I say to her.

She gives me a look, smiles and walks away.

Wait. Did I just tell a lesbian that I’m curious? LOL! Oh my gosh!

I wait until I feel like I can drive and then I leave, taking one of my cute co-workers with me. We’ll call him Donald. Now Donald and I had been sorta flirting off and on for a minute but it wasn’t that deep. I thought he was very cool. I liked talking to him.

When I get back to his place he invites me in and I go, reluctantly.

When we step in his roommate comes out of his room and I’m thinking, “He looks familiar.”

It turns out his roommate works with us too. As usual, me with my whole over analyzation, is thinking, “So, I’m here late at night with this guy at his place and his roommate who works with us is here too. What if he tells everyone I’m sleeping with this guy? What if I’m labeled the office hoe?”

I don’t have any experience dating/chilling with someone that I work with but I’ve heard the horror stories and I don’t want none.

I leave quickly and head on home.

Party #2

So it’s Saturday night and my cousins have invited me to a WAITING TO EXHALE night. Supposed to be some drinks, food and fun. I take a couple of fruit platters and get cozy on the floor as we listen to Fantasia’s CD.

This is my first time listening to the CD and I kinda like it. Then this song comes on about Baby Mama’s and before I know it, I’m crying. Damn, that hit home.

After some food and some laughs we all get deep and the topic of the night is, yeah, you guessed it- MEN. Now my cousins and their bestfriends are sharing about why and how they cheated on their men and what keeps the men coming back.

At the end of the night, I’m fine to drive home so I do and get some much needed rest.

Party #3

My friend Andy calls me to invite me to his breakfast party and I decide that I will go. His party starts at 10 am on Sunday morning and I’m a little nervous about driving to Broward County by myself but I make the trip in less than 15 minutes thanks to some good directions.

When I get there he and his friend are cleaning and I pitch in by vaccuuming the floor. Andy is making sausages, grits, bacon, eggs, biscuits and serving cocktails early in the morning. By 10:30 the house is packed and we’re all grubbing and listening to old school jamz. It’s a 25 and over crowd.

All of a sudden I hear Endless Love and my emotions are flipping. I’m having flashbacks of my children’s father and I find myself wondering what I did that was so wrong for him to leave me. I feel guilty about feeling this way because he treats me like crap but I did really love him. I did whatever I could to make him happy. I was very open emotionally and sexually. I don’t think there is anymore I could have done. Again, my sensitive self takes over and I’m crying. LOL! I’m so emotional.

I go into the bathroom to calm down and instead I just let it all flow. I cry harder than I’ve allowed myself to cry in a long time and it feels good. I’ve always been afraid to cry over him. Crying over some man who doesn’t treat you well is just plain dumb. So, I guess I’m dumb then. I didn’t realize that I was still hurting this much. Still feeling rejected. Still feeling like I wasn’t good enough for him.

And then I cried over the could-have-been relationships that I have enountered since my second son was born. Nothing ever materialized and I always chalked it up to the fact that something was wrong with me. “I’m just too much.” I’d tell myself. “If I could just hold it in. Be a little less like myself sometimes. Be a little less emotional, a little less sexual, a little less eager to please, then maybe someone would accept me and not walk away.”

I dream of the day when someone will look at me and say, “This girl is crazy…But I can’t get enough of her.”

I clean myself up as best as I can and I re enter the party. Everyone is writing on tiny blue slips of paper and we’re about to play a questions game. Andy places everyone’s questions into a clear pitcher and one by one we all take a turn reading a question and everyone gets a chance to answer it. The questions ranged from spiritual to music, to sexual to important life decisions. This was clearly a great crowd of people.

The question I asked was: What is your heart’s desire for 2005?

My answer: Financial Stability