Am I up to the challenge?


100 things about myself. Let’s go.


100. It took me 6 1/2 years to finish college.

99. I hated college.

98. At first I loved college. Until I met my baby daddy.

97. I majored in magazine journalism.

96. That was a GREAT major.

95. I took economics four times.

94.The professor finally took pity on me and passed me.

93. If I’m not interested in a subject I suck at it.

92. I don’t like to suck lollipops anymore.

91. Actually I don’t eat candy at all.

90. Sugar is too sweet for me.

89. My sons are sweet.

88. They make me want to have more sons.

87. Except I have no desire to date.

88. I’m really afraid that no man will ever be satisfied with me.

87. So I’m confused because I want to be loved, but I don’t really believe it will happen.

86. I never stop believing that I will be rich and famous one day.

85. I don’t even have any doubts about that at all.

84. But I don’t know how it will happen and I get excited about the unknown because I figure any minute my destiny could come knocking at my door.

83. I got saved four years ago.

82. That was the best day of my life.

81. Everyday after that has been hard.

80. I know it is because I haven’t truly died in my old spirit and leaned totally on God.

79. I keep hoping that my good actions will please Him and He will be satisfied me.

78. I guess that goes back to believing that unless I am 100% obedient to a man, he will not love me or be pleased with me. But God isn’t like man. I have to keep reminding myself of that.

77. Some people say I have low self esteem.

76. I think everyone has self doubts but most don’t reveal it like I do.

75. But I’ll take the harsh judgements and roll on.

74. My gift is the ability to be transparent about my life and not take offense when someone judges me.

73. I never loved any man the way I loved my Pastor in Gainesville.

72. I thought he was THE GREATEST.

71. All I wanted to do was sit beside him and soak in his wisdom.

70. I miss him.

69. I have an internet boyfriend.

68. Though we rarely chat anymore.

67. I don’t chat with anyone as much as I used to.

66. I don’t miss it.

65. I have flirted with a white guy before.

64. It was kinda weird.

63. He was cool though.

62. I have two bestfriends, no, three bestfriends.

61. Their names are Anna, Tamara and Mimi.

60. Mimi is a chick that I absolutely adore.

59. She led me to Christ.

58. I cried for weeks when it finally hit me that she is getting married.

57. I felt like I was losing her to him.

56. But he is so fine!

55. Except he is light skinned.

54. I have never really been attracted to light skinned guys.

53. I like them crispy black (or not).

52. I like the contrast of their skin against mine.

51. I wear a size 10 shoe.

50. That’s pretty big for a 5’1″ woman.

49. I think it’s pretty funny.

48. I have a big nose too.

47. I think that’s funny too.

46. No one believes that I am from the ghetto.

45. They think my attitude is too different to be a Miami girl.

44. I used to admire those girls who were always up on the ghetto fashion trends.

43.  I always wanted to be hard, but I can’t fight.

42.  I’ve taken an HIV test 3 times in my life.

41. I took another one last week.

40. That walk down the hall to get your results is the most scary feeling I have ever experienced.

39. My biggest fear is falling down a flight of stairs and knocking out my two front teeth.

38. Whenever I get near a stairway I cover my mouth with one hand and grip the railing with the other.

37. I rarely curse unless I’m driving.

36. I curse everybody out while I’m on the road.

35. I’m secretly afraid that one day someone will pull out a big gun and shoot me in the face for cursing at them.

34. My mama used to curse me out when I was a kid. That’s just how she talks.

33. I promised myself I would never curse at my children.

32. And I don’t.

31. I never want to be back with my baby daddy.

30. But I still find him attractive. Shhh. don’t tell him I said that.

29. It really annoys me that his girl is so unattractive.

28. She’s annoying as heck too.

27. I admire all of my friends.

26. They are all so calm, cool and collected.

25. So different from me and my wild, emotional self.

24. For some reason they still love me to death.

23. I work for a newspaper but I never watch the news.

22. It’s too depressing.

21. I rarely watch TV.

20. I guess it’s still the college budget living attitude that has stuck with me. I didn’t have cable for years.

19. I feel good about being 25.

18. I finally feel like my life is going somewhere positive.

17. I’m an internet junkie.

16. Blogging (and reading blogs) is my favorite pastime.

15. Sometimes I feel like my life is a movie.

14. In college I watched a friend strip for a room full of ugly men, just because she needed some cash.

13. She made $200 in 20 minutes.

12. I felt sad for her.

11. We’re not friends anymore.

10. Life is like a box of chocolates.

9. If you take the time to read the candy map, you’ll know exactly what you’re gonna get.

8. I have lots of male relationships that are platonic.

7. The key is to ignore them when they try to holla at you.

6. They’ll eventually give up and love you like a sister. It works for me.

5.I have green eyes just like my mother. 

4. This is not as easy as it looks.

3. I’ll leave you with this wonderful word of wisdom that will change your life.

2. It makes me feel better even though it’s sometimes difficult to do.

1. Trust in the Lord with all of your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your path.


Are YOU up to the challenge?




I need some help.


I’m all done writing the Hidden Thoughts column.


It is time for me to move on.


I have the opportunity to write my own column every week, but I have no idea what to name it. I have to come up with a name by Monday.


You basically know my writing style. The things I discuss on this blog is what I will write about. Generally uplifting. Mostly socially observant. Being completely honest about my past, my pain and my hopes for a better world.


Any suggestions?



A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected:

                         a half-gallon of 2% milk

                        a carton of eggs

                       a quart of orange juice

                       a head of romaine lettuce

                       a 2 lb. can of coffee

                        a 1 lb. package of bacon


She was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the cashier.


While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly stated,”You must be single.”


The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was intrigued by the derelict’s intuition, since she was indeed single.   She looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about her selections that could have tipped off thedrunk to her marital status.  Curiosity getting the better of her, she said “Well, you know what, you’re absolutely correct. But how on earth did you know that?


The drunk replied:  “Cause you’re ugly.”

Step to the left…

Step to the left, step to the right

Spin around and bring it down tonight

Bring it on up, move in close

Let me see you and your partner stroll


R. Kelly ~Happy People


I was leaving the barber shop with my boys on Saturday afternoon when Anna calls me and tells me that her brother-in-law is having a 40th birthday party that evening and I’m welcome to come.


I think about it for a minute cuz I know I have to persuade Lil Redd (my mama) to watch the boys for me. I call her up and tell her I want to go out with Anna. She says she’ll think about it, which means she’ll do it so I call Anna to get the specifics.


She tells me it’s a Black & White party and everyone is going to be too precise so go and get fitted. I’m smiling now because Anna’s sister and her husband are pretty well off financially and I know that anything that they do is going to be BIG and lots of fun.


My mind starts to go through my wardrobe like a roledex.


Hmmmm. What do I have that is black and white and is off the chizzain? Oh yeahhh… Just last week I pulled out a dress I bought four months ago and I showed it to my mother.  A white linen dress that fits just enough to show off my curves, but not enough to reveal too much. It flows to my ankles and is nice enough to wear to church or a nice date.  I had been saving it for something special.


I turn my car around and my boys and I are off on a mission to find the perfect pair of shoes and some black and white accessories. 


It’s so hard shopping with two little rug rats. They like to run of and grab stuff and I end up having to spank my little one in the accessory store for pulling down an entire rack of scrunchies. ~sigh.


When we finally get home it’s almost dark and I feed the boys, dunk them in the bathtub and put them in the bed so that I can begin THE TRANSFORMATION.


Getting dressed to go out is almost as much fun as going out.  I hang up my dress in the bathroom so that the steam from my shower can loosen up any wrinkles and I get out my new accessories and choose what color eyeshadows I want to wear. I consider wearing some fake eyelashes, which definately make a big difference on my eyes because i have short lashes but i remember what happened the last time I wore fake lashes.  After an hour this guy came up to me and said, “Your eyelash is coming off.” How embarrassing!


Shower first. Lotion down. Paint my toes. Apply my make-up, being careful not to overdo the silver shadow that I chose. Eyeliner, Berry lip liner I got from Mac Cosmetics, thanks to Ruby, and Grapeful lip gloss from Mary Kay.


I’m sweating myself hard and I’m only wearing a t-shirt.  Dang girl u look good!


I call Anna to see where she is in her process.


“I’m leaving Overtown to come get you right now, I’ll call you when we get off the expressway,” she says.


Come on, you know I wasn’t going to drive myself. Anna and her boyfriend are coming to pick me up for the party. I don’t mind being the third wheel. With Anna it’s always been like that. Me, her and her boyfriend rolling deep.


She calls me and I slip on my dress and new shoes and I feel like I’m going to the prom. I had just gotten my hair done earlier that day and while the boys were getting haircuts I had the barber touch up my eyebrows, so I was ready to go!


 We drive out to Hialeah where her brother had rented a hall. I’m feeling good as i watch everyone step out of their cars wearing different variations of Black and white.


This crowd was not your typical club crowd. This was officially a “grown folks” party. Nowhere in the room did I see a man that I felt needed a haircut. No pants hanging off their butts. All of these guys were too precise and smiling at me like, Wazzzzuppp.


I tell you it really resembled that R. Kelly video. You know the one where everyone is wearing white and stepping on the dance floor.  I wanted to dance but you all know I can’t dance and I hate to be on the dnace floor and have to turn all of the guys down. I have rythm. Yes I do. But my stamina is really low. I can shake a lil something, but only for a couple of minutes. After that I get tired and want to sit down.


I’m getting old. 



I never had so much fun sitting down before. I sat in my seat throughout most of the party dancing and singing loud and having a good time by myself. I know, I’m such a nerd. Anna’a mom was sitting with us and she was just laughing and laughing at me.  Anna’s mom is so beautiful. And she knows it. She had the nerve to wear a dress with a peephole in the front! I just shook my head and laughed.


If you aren’t from Miami you ain’t gonna feel me but if you grew up round my way you know what a Miami bass beat does to you.


As soon as you hear that beat your butt immediately starts thumping. It’s like a heartbeat that radiates through your entire being. Looking back it all started with the song Doo Doo Brown.  Those booty shaking boys that like to get down and slang that thang get the party started like no other. There were quite a few of them there. But most of the music they were playing was old jamz that i had never even heard before. All the old people were on the dance floor, shaking their bellies and sweating their curls out.


There are a few hundred people at the party and more are arriving as I leave. There is a picture booth set up in the corner, lots of free food and the DJ is hot!  Anna’s family knows how to do it right! 


I’m home by 2:30 am and go right to sleep. My boys wake me up at 7am as usual and I try to persuade them to go back to bed. Yeah right. They want breakfast. They want to play. They want to go to the park.


I’m in the kitchen making their breakfast with my eyes half-closed. I know that in a little while I have to get ready to go and visit another church in pursuit of a place to fellowship and worship.


I haven’t given up on that. It’s a bit frustrating as I continue to visit church after church but I know one will be right for me and my sons. This church isn’t. It’s full of old people and I had been at the church for over an hour and they STILL hadn’t gotten to the WORD. I already was tired and feeling like my energy level was on E.


What ever happened to the church services that last less than two hours? There doesn’t seem to be any churches like that here. I’m not complaining about spending time worshipping God but unless it’s sincere worship it’s really a waste of time. Sometimes I think some churches waste a lot of time making noise so they can appear to be hyped up. I miss my church service in Gainesville.


But as Ruby would say, I digress. I just have to remain faithful in looking. I’ll let you know how it goes. 


You’re in for a treat!

My girl Mina has sent me all of my old emails, stories and poetry that I have been sharing for over a year and I will share some of them with you as I go back through time. Ya’ll didn’t knwo I did poetry did you?

Well I do.

Check this out. It was written while I was battling with racism issues.


Black & White

Wrong & Right

Dark & light

Who started this fight?


This discourse

It originated

Although perpetrated

As a simple


But who defines

The worth of my life

By a color

Of pigment

Websters says

I am




Flip quick

It’s a trip

White means

Quite the opposite



The color of pure snow

We were labeled


To boost their self-esteem

To make the tragedy seem

Less significant

As they rose to the top

My back, a footstool

What fools

To think

That by their words I am confined

No more shackles

But still in bondage?

Never that

Cuz I got

A new definition for Black

Black is the color of forgiveness

Black means infinity

Black means a struggle

A strong back

A strong mind

The color that compliments everything

Kings and Queens

Though they make it seem

As if my image

Is a tragedy

Don’t believe it

I won’t

It’s all up to me

The label you’re stuck with

You choose to receive

What’s within me

A desire to see

My colorless world

Seep through

To you

If you choose

To dismiss

Their definition

And define yourself

For yourself

By Ms. Tee

Listen Up


I realized that you guys can hear my little news report online. If you are up early on Wednesday morning the news program called Morning Glory begins at 8 am. My report, which only lasts about a minute comes on about 4 minutes into the show. So, if you go to the bathroom you’ll probably miss it.


Tune in! Laugh at me while I enjoy my one minute of fame. LOL


Go to


Let me know if you get a chance to hear me.



Brenda, you’re really a comedian! Smart aleck!

Ya’ll I’ve been so busy all week. My younger son has been sick too. Being a manager is not glamorous at all. I basically spend my time taking care of the needs of the staff. The maintenance man called off today. And since my publisher had a meeting with the mayoral candidate and then another meeting with the county manager, guess who had to clean up the conference room and get it ready? That’s right, me.

The light bulbs blew in our editor’s office. And guess who was standing on top of his desk screwing in new lightbulbs? Me.

The receptionist quit. So guess who has a five hour shift answering the main line? You got it.

But through it all. I love it. I see that my publisher is not a tyrant like some people make her out to be. I’m learning so much from her about running a business and you all know I’m very eager to learn. It’s like she told me when I first started. “The Miami Times takes care of those who take care of The Miami Times.”

It’s a lot of work and very hectic, but I love it.

On another note, my baby daddy finally got his web cam hooked up so he can chat with the boys online. It’s so weird looking at his face after all this time. I keep thinking, “Do I know you? DId I really spend YEARS of my life with you and bear your children?”

Since we started having kids we have not done anything together as a family. So it is unusual for me to see him interact with the boys. We keep very seperate lives when it comes to our children. We don’t fight anymore, but it’s like he’s a distant cousin or something.

I always thought true love lasts forever. That no matter what happens, if you TRULY loved that person, you could always be friends. Romantic love is so fleeting. It is based on emotions.

Real love is different. Real love allows you to forgive and move on. Real love allows you to overlook a person’s quirks.

I’m hot. Not sexually hot. Not “it’s hot in Miami” hot. But I think I have a fever. My body aches. I have too much going on next week to get sick. I’m still planning the job fair at my office. I’m still trying to make sure that everyone is made aware of the new policies and procedures. But I’m so tired ya’ll. 

My fantasy is to sleep in for two days in a row. In my own bed with fresh clean sheets and no kids kicking me in their sleep. I want some privacy. That is what I miss most. There’s no where for me to go to be by myself.  This is hard living but I know I’ll appreciate it more when I get my house. That is my goal. To buy myself a house instead of moving out and renting an apartment. Why waste all that money on rent when I can just stay here with my Mom a little longer and save up for my house?

It makes sense to me. I’ll just have to endure.

Anybody wanna come over and hook a sister up with a massage?

I’m just tired. I need a break.