Man, here goes that headache again.

You know what? I really like my job. No, for real. It’s so creative and free. I am so good at it too. Everyone keeps telling me how difficult it is working for my publisher but I don’t see it. She’s a woman just like anyone else. I think she’s cool and she needs strong people around her.

Funny how I hated my job at the VA and it paid well and I LOVE this job and it doesn’t. ~sigh~ That’s a trip.

It’s another cloudy day here in the MIA. In case you didn’t know, it rains a lot in Miami. I love it. We need the breeze from the rain because it’s so humid down here.

Today I gave my first speech in front of a group of fifth graders and their parents. When I saw the crowd I got so nervous I was shaking. Then the principal of the school came over and shook my hand and I sat down on the stage with all the teachers, right next to the principal. It was so weird being on the stage during the awards ceremony.

I spoke about the pitfalls of middle school and how I want them to develop a vision for themselves and dare to dream beyond Liberty City. I don’t think they were paying attention, but they clapped loudly so I felt better.

Since it was a promotional program, these kids were getting all of these awards and this one girl names Ashlyn got almost every one of them. She was the MC. She was the captain of the cheerleaders. She was the anchor woman of the school’s newsteam, she did a solo dance, she got the citizenship trophy, the reading trophy, the spanish trophy, the art trophy and so many more. It kinda got on my nerves until I remembered that I was that girl a long time ago.

Is that why some of my highschool teachers were annoyed with me- Because I was involved in everything?

As I watched these kids receive their awards and their proud parents whooping it up, I began to imagine my own sons getting awards and me standing there crying while trying to hold the video camera. I then imagined my baby daddy there with his girlfriend and I rolled my eyes and got back to imagining the good part.

Yeah, my sons are gonna be great. And when I have a daughter! OoooH! Watch out world! A little mini-me that looks cute just like me and likes to read just like me and wants to be just like me. ~sigh~ I can’t wait.

I know I have to wait but I want more children so badly. I see pregnant women and I get jealous. I play with my sons and it seems like someone is missing. I know who is missing, their brothers and sisters. I love my sons. They’re a handful but I wouldnt try to push them back in for anything. They’re chocolatey delicious!

I just hope Mr. Golden Boy comes along so that I can give him plenty of babies.

I’m thinking about relationships lately. I don’t know if it’s from melting everytime I read my sister Shay’s blog or if it’s just time to meet my match. I think I just desire companiosnhip. I never let myself dwell on it like this and I’m actually starting to feel ashamed.

I try to disguise my desire to be loved by focusing on my career. I figure the more money I make or the faster I achieve my goals the happier I will be and maybe I’ll be too busy being successful to think about the fact that no man has held me or loved me in a very, very long time.

I know what you’re thinking: TRUST GOD. Yeah, I know Leon. I do. I do. I know He has someone fine and talented and silly for me. It’s just…in the meantime, with all this giving and giving and encouraging others, I wonder when it will be my turn. I think I could handle a little love. I don’t even need a lot. And I don’t need it all the time.

Just a sprinkle would be great though. Sprinkle a little love on me please God.