I know you’re probably thinking, Whats going on with your blog? yep, hooked up with an old friend Marvin who I coaxed into changing some things around here. He’s still working on it but I GUARANTEE it’s going to be great!

I’ll give his contact info when it’s all done so you an get your web site hooked up too.

I’m going back to Miami this weekend and after some expert coaching from Ruby, I have a gameplan for getting me a job. I only have one interview lined up for Friday morning but hey, one interview, if it results in a YES, is all you really need. LOL

I spoke with my old friends Andrija and Kenya tonight. Andrija is a guy, he lives down south in Miramar and teaches at an innercity school in Miami. He hates kids though. Isnt that funny? He says his home will always remain a kid-free zone.

Kenya is still in Brooklyn living the life and chasing her dreams of being a CEO of a company. She is so creative and encouraging and it always gets me excited just talking to her.

So, I’m feeling great and looking good too. Baby daddy acting like he got some sense. I can’t believe how far we’ve come. No, there’s no hope of us ever getting back together but it’s so good to know that he supports me and is down for me. Finally.

I’m making my plans for some fun in the MIA. I always have my whole weekend booked way before I get down there. This time I’m gonna hang out with Dianna and see Andrija, and ofcourse I gotta scoop up Anna with her broke foot. I hope to be celebrating by the time I get back on Monday.

I’ll check you all later.


Pass the popcorn

I can’t be drunk cuz I havent drank anything? I must be tired from work or just tired from all this stress I’ve put myself through this past week. I apologize to everyone for taking you on an emotional rollercoaster with me but you know how us Cancer’s do it.

While I’m at a major crossroad in my life I am not afraid. Everyone has to make a life changing decision sometime, or else you’ll get left behind.

I dont expect Miami to be my saving grace. I dont expect it to be perfect. I do expect to get reaquainted with my family. To know them as an adult. To experience Miami with a lot more freedom and from a different perspective.

Who knows, things may not line up for me. I may not get a job at all. I may be sitting right here come time to renew my lease. Whatever happens I am willing to accept it as a part of God’s plan.

I’m not pressed anymore. I’m not pressured. I’m not burdened. I feel like I’m watching a movie waiting to see how things turn out.

Dazed and Confused

Well, I made it to Miami and I know this sounds weird cuz I’m usually so confident but I’m scared out of my mind. I have two job interviews tomorrow that I have to find by myself and I’m not used to driving around Miami. I know I’m whining but I feel like a little kid.

Wish me luck.


Taking the plunge

For those of you who haven’t kept up with my blog, let me fill you in. After a long awaited trip to my hometown and being extremely dissatisfied with my current job situation, I decided that I would try to get a job down there to pursue my dream of becoming a writer and motivational speaker. Through my long distance job hunt, I arranged two job interviews and drove the five hours to Miami late Thursday night so that I could spend all day Friday on the hunt for a job. This is the tale of my life-changing weekend.

I arrived in Miami around midnight, nervous and tired, but excited because I knew my Mama and stepfather were gonna be so happy to see my sons. They basically drooled over them and forgot that I was even there, so it was easy to slip out the door around 2 a.m. and go hang out. He, he.


The next morning I’m over at Anna’s house getting ready for my interview and she’s looking at me like I’m an alien because I’m asking her for directions to the newspaper office that is in my old neighborhood.

“I can’t believe you’re acting like you never even lived here,” she said to me with a stank tone, her eyes wide and penetrating.

“Dawg, whatever,” I responded. I’m just trying to make sure I find the place, I haven’t been around here in years.”

So she gave me the keys to her car and off I went on my way to my interview for a community newspaper in Miami. I had inquired about a staff writer position and they said that they were in need of writers so I sent some writing samples and they wanted to meet with me.

Because the office is understaffed I had to wait an hour before I was even given some attention. I looked around and was impressed. The office was a lot nicer than I expected it to be, given that the paper is 75 years old and it is an independent black community newspaper. The office manager told me where the staff writers office was located and I ventured back to say Hi to my old friend Hansen, who I met when we were both in the journalism school at UF. He is now a staff writer at the newspaper.

A half hour later the office manager calls me to start a series of tests. She tests my copy-editing and my copywriting skills and I am asked to wait another hour while she handles the business of the office. It’s already noon and I’m looking at my watch and thinking, “My next interview is in 2 hours and I don’t even have the directions yet.” I tell her that I will come back later in the afternoon so that she will have time to grade my tests and speak with the publisher, to see if she will offer me a position.

I’m driving back to Anna’s house and it’s soooo hot, a Miami type of heat that I find so appealing. That heat that makes you want to sing, so I sing along with the radio that’s playing all the old joints like, ‘Oochie Coochie, La, la, la” and ‘Booty shake.‘ I’m bopping my head and bank head bouncing all the way back to Anna’s house feeling so alive and so free and so good to be back in the place where it all began.

I just have a minute to grub and get dressed before I’m out the door about to face one of the biggest fears of my life; the expressway.

Look, I don’t mind driving around Gainesville where the furthest I drive is to my church 20 minutes away and the most congested road I travel is Archer Road which takes about 10 minutes to travel from one end to the next, but Miami driving is a whole different story.

I didn’t even learn to drive until I came to college so I ain’t used to those crazy drivers down there and Anna is definitely one of them. They don’t signal when they change lanes, they don’t drink THEN drive, they drink WHILE they drive, they speed like their on their way to perform surgery and I can’t believe they drive like that considering the po-po’s be adamant about filling their ticket quota every night.

So here I am, a gentle baby kitten, making a right turn on 62nd avenue to face the HUNGRY LION, I95 South. My car merges into traffic and I look into my rearview mirror and freeze up. There is a sea of cars all around me, honking, changing lanes and whizzing past. It reminded me of that movie Clueless, when Dionne accidently drove on the freeway. That’s exactly how I felt. I remembered Anna told me that I was going downtown and to follow the signs, but it wasn’t a straight shot like I usually do, if I know that I am going to have to turn right I usually stay in the right hand lane.

But this monster had about six lanes and signs pointing everywhere. I had to check my mirror and move over, check my mirror and move over. I knew I had to get off on Exit 2 but it seemed like these exits had numbers AND letters, I didn’t know what to do. My whole body was shaking, I was gripping the steering wheel at 10 and 2, and I felt tears in my eyes. I took a chance and took Exit 2b, which veered off into a maze of other expressways that felt just like I was riding a rollercoaster, all the huge downtown buildings were towering over me, hiding the sky.

I got off the exit and looked at my directions. I should have been on SW 8th street. I was on Brickell Ave. With no cell phone and no sense of direction I began to cry. This was my biggest fear; getting lost in Miami. I drove around and around until I saw SW 8th street and then stopped for directions at a gas station.

“I’m lost,“I told the gas station attendant, who looked at me like he was amused. “I’m trying to find Brickell Bay Drive.”

“Cojd;lsiwkrm;ajk,— he said in Spanish to his co-worker. He turned to me and said, “You’re on the right street, just go down 5 lights and you’ll be right there.”

I thanked him and drove down past 5 lights and feasted my eyes on the beauty of this area. The buildings were huge and grand. Everyone was dressed impeccably, driving their Beemers and Escalades and Jaguars, looking like they are all on their way to a meeting. You know what, I have to admit, I didn’t see ONE white person the whole time I was in Miami! What a culture shock. They’re everywhere up here in Gainesville, but I did not see ONE in Miami. That’s crazy.

Anyway, I finally see the building I need to go to but I end up parking a few blocks down the street and I have to walk back. The building is huge, and proper. The back door to the building opens up to the beach, literally. You walk out the back door and you walk onto the beach. The elevators are polished and marble. I catch a glimpse of myself in one of the mirrors and I frown at my puffy eyes and wrinkled shirt.

I go all the way up to the 29th floor and open the door of Hastings and Hastings personnel service. I take all of these computer tests, fill out a million forms and finally meet with the Vice President of the company who tells me that I am a hot commodity in Miami because of my experience and computer skills. But because I don’t live down there, she can’t set me up on any interviews because most employers want to meet quickly to fill temp positions that usually lead to permanent positions.

“Look,” Jill says, “I’m not telling you what to do, but you need to get down here. It’s job season, you’re well qualified and you will be employed.”

I take all that in just like I took in the marvelous view of the beach that Jill and her staff take for granted. I had not even SEEN the beach in a year and there it was, for their enjoyment and they could care less.

I head back to my car, tired and grumpy but I knew I had to be back in Liberty City, to meet up with the publisher of the newspaper before the office closed at 5pm. It was 4pm so I had a minute but I didn’t know where I was. One thing about Miami, everything is like a grid. Avenues and streets intersect and as long as you can count, you can figure out where you need to go. So, I find SW 7th avenue and figure, “If I ride this bad boy long enough, eventually I’ll end up on the north side.”

So I ride and ride and ride through all of these Spanish neighborhoods, all these chicos staring at me. I’m just looking and dancing in Anna’s car and smiling at my people. A half hour later, I am on NW 54th street back in Liberty City where I grew up.

I go into the newspaper office and am told that the publisher was in a meeting. So I sit and sit and sit. When she finally comes over I am shocked. I expected a little bitty, old lady with glasses and I am greeted by a vivacious redbone who looks a bit like me. She’s precise, nails done, outfit perfect, lipstick fresh even at the end of the day. She sits down and talks to me like we’re homegirls.

“Now, if you had come in a week earlier you could have been on my staff of writers, but honey, I have enough writers right now, but let me see if I can work something out,“ she said.

“Let me say, any need you have in this office, I guarantee I can fill,” I say to her with confidence. “There will be no regrets about hiring me. You have no idea what’s about about to happen.”

She looks at me and smiles and I say, “I’m so serious.”

“Well,” she says. “I was looking for someone to develop my Faith and Family section. That is a very important section that we don’t dedicate enough time to. I need someone to help bring that section to what it needs to be.”

I look at her and smile like I know a secret. “You’re looking at a woman who has made it her mission to encourage and uplift through the written word, not only is it my passion, I love God and I don’t mind sharing what is going on in my heart and encouraging others to grow in the Lord. The fact that I am raising two sons alone, mirrors so many people’s situations that many will be able to identify with me. My readers love me because I am honest, I am descriptive and I speak the words from their hearts, when they didn’t even know they were feeling it.”

“That is exactly what I was looking for. Man, you writers. One minute I’m completely at a loss and the next minute, I have too many of you. But, I see you have some experience in sales, what about a sales position?“ she asks me.

“Well, I can’t work on commission I have two sons to feed.”

“Well, how much plus commission do you want to make?”

We negotiate a price that is EXACTLY what I was hoping to make.

“I just want to make sure that whatever position I fill, that I can do it with excellence,” I tell her earnestly.

“Well,” she says thinking deeply. “We’ll work something out. I have a need in marketing too, but let me tell you, if you give me 6 good months of maybe not doing exactly what you wanted to do, but just getting your foot in the door, you will be in the right position to do exactly what you want to do once the need arises.”

“Well what will I be doing?” I ask her.

“Let’s just say, you’ll be working very closely with me,” she says and smiles. “But let me think about it a little bit and figure out exactly what I want you to do and we’ll iron out the details later.”

Fine with me.

So, I haven’t gotten the final word from her yet but even if she totally changes her mind I still have the personnel agency to fall back on not to mention the other jobs that I have applied for. So, what do you think? Is this amazing or what? Not only am I poised to make EXACTLY what I wanted to make, I’m working in publishing, I have an opportunity to write and I have my family and friends around me.

But wait! I ain’t through yet.

So after this hectic day I go home and relax a bit with my sons and Anna and I decide to hang out. I’m getting dressed when Mimi calls me and tells me that she is coming over.

When she gets there she tells me that she has found a car for me. Her brother is a car dealer and he just bought a nice car from the auction that he wants to sell. We go out and test drive this 2001 Mitsubishi Galant with low miles and she tells me that she talked him down on the price to $4500! Since I had already been saving for a down payment for a car I had almost all of that in my account but she said she talked to him about my situation and the fact that I am moving and he says I can pay $3500 now and the rest when I get settled in.

So, I wrote him a check and the car is parked at my Mama’s house right now waiting for me! A 2001 beautiful car and I have NO CAR PAYMENTS! No DEBT to pay off! I can just drive and be free.

I had been afraid to ask God for exactly what I wanted because I figured it was too much to ask for. But in my mind I said I need to make this certain amount of money and I got it. I said I needed a new car but I didn’t want to make payments and he exceeded that expectation by giving me a true blessing. All I need to hear once I get down to Miami is, “You’re approved to move into your 2 bedroom, 2 bathroom apartment with a washer and dryer” and I will literally FALL OUT!

I think that I am so unworthy of all of this provision. I was so afraid to step out of my comfort zone. I was so afraid to stand up and do what I wanted to do which is go after my passion. I almost let other people’s opinion of me strangle me. It is safe to say, God is lining all of this up for me. The word clearly says, “The steps of the righteous are ordered by God.”

Change means progress, so don’t be afraid. So here begins the next phase of my life. Join me, it’s been a blessing to have you along so far.

I spoke to the publisher of the newspaper today. All I have to say is she’s one tough lady. You know, she has to be to be able to run an operation as important as the largest black community newspaper in the South. The burden of representing the black community of Miami rests on her shoulders.

There is a whole community of people who need to have a voice and she is the vessel for the screaming masses.

She was very demanding during our phone interview. She was very much in my face and candid about what she wanted and my lack of experience in those areas. I just reminded her that I work hard and that I am passionate about the black community and about communications.

She said she wants someone to be her aid, to do what she does, go where she goes. She needs someone she can lean on to get things moving and release her from some of the mundane tasks so that she can tackle the big issues.

“I want you to work with me,” she said in a demanding tone. “Whatever I’m doing you’ll be doing. Whatever my hands are in your hands will be in.”

I think she’s looking for a protege.

Can I be that person who stands next to a woman who is such a vital part of the community and hold it down? Can I actually handle the responsibility of being in such close proximity to the woman who has a grasp on the heart of the black community?

Yeah. I think I got it.

I think I got it. I know I got it.

People, when this lady calls me tomorrow and finalizes the deal, it’s time for me to stand up and walk in my calling. I am a leader. I am an innovator and nothing can stop the motion of my stride. Long, strong and powerful.

Cuz God made me this way.

And you have power too.

Stay Tuned

Wow. I just realized that things usually come easy to me, well everything except math.

Opportunities just present themselves and I grab ahold and run with it. This is not one of those times.

I usually blow interviews out of the water. With just my passion and confidence in myself, I can make someone believe in my dreams. People have unshakeable faith in me. For some reason, the publisher of the newspaper is still undecided about hiring me.

My friend Hansen, who is a staff writer there already, called me after their weekly meeting tonight and told me that she is so impressed by me. He said she thinks that I am so pretty and I am so personable and that she said,”She could probably sell anything to a white man.”

He said she is just a hair away from hiring me and she needs something to push her over the edge. She also mentioned that the salary we negotiated is far off from what she would normally pay someone. Hansen said she really wants me there but even in the worst case scenario I am guaranteed my own column and an opportunity to help develop the Faith and Family section of the newspaper. He said those are already done deals even if I am not hired full-time.

I can work somewhere else and still write my column and encourage ppl in their faith, THAT is amazing on its own, but I want the big prize; I want to be her personal assistant. To sit right next to one of Miami’s leaders and learn, learn, learn. TO be shaped into an all around communicating wiz. To develop contacts and build trust and friendships with all the right people and eventually be able to make a difference through my influence.

God didnt give me this cute face and this sparkling personality for nothing.

I’m about to pull out all my cards to make it happen, and I ain’t playin’.

We’ll see


You ready?

I guess since I’m leaving Gainesville I can fess up to the fact that I have a crush. I’m only calling it a crush because I’m confused right now. I thought I had heard from God but you know that can be difficult at times. He goes to my church but I dont know him well. In fact when I see him it’s like Alicia Keyes, “You don’t know my name”

I played the game how I was taught to play it. My Pastor taught me that I could charm this young man into liking me and possibly end up marrying him, but if I waited and allowed God to move on His own and bring this young man when it was time, then I could be sure that it was God and not my own efforts and I would never doubt him as God’s choice for me.

So I was obedient. I rarely spoke to him. We never became friends. I tried really hard NOT to let him see the majesty that is in me. I stayed far away. Now that I’m leaving, I kinda regret that. He seemed like he was a cool person. Like someone who would have been my friend. Well, thats the way things go in my church so…

At the time Pastor’s advice made perfect sense because now I can see why people cheat and continue to look at other people even though they have someone. They never got that confirming word from God so they are always wondering if this is the best person for them. They used so many tricks and lies to get the person that they dont know if the person will truly like them for them.

I want to know that I know that I know that my husband is the best God had for me. I dont want it to be because of my ridiculously stunning legs or my winning smile, I want it to be the word of the Lord and I want him to be in love with me too.

Today my heart is heavy because I am leaving this guy behind. But I trust that if this was really God placing him on my heart then it will come to pass. If not then I am at a point where I can accept a no and be excited because God could have someone even better for me.

But I dont know. True love has always been a fantasy to me. Really farfetched. I have more faith that I will win a Pulitzer Prize than I have that I will get married. Having someone accept me and love me would be the greatest thing but… I dont know. Is it really possible for someone to look at me and just…adore me?

Something is about to pop off

Ok. Calm down girl.

Yeah Im going through a bit of anxiety today. I signed my resignation papers which makes it official; I quit my job.

I do believe it is time for me to move on. I do believe I am doing the right thing for me and my family. I have complete peace about that, but let me tell you it’s not easy stepping out on faith.

Yes, I quit my job without having another one lined up. That sounds crazy but I know this is the right time. Daycare was about to increase by $900 a month, student loans are about to pop off in 2 months. If I stayed I would have been stuck in this job that I hated just because I have bills to pay. Stuck. Stuck. Stuck.

I dont want to be obligated to this town or this job when I am unhappy here. I am so grateful for the support of my family. My mama is a lifesaver and my baby daddy know he has flipped the script. I almost told that nicca I loved him the other day. Not that romantic love, but that “I can really see you got my back” type of love.

I made my move and I’m expecting God to direct me. I realize I’m putting all of my eggs in one basket by hoping for this one specific job. God may be trying to bless me in a totally different way. Now dont think Im not still out there looking for other jobs; Im not stupid. But from right here, that position at the paper is the best thing I can see, not the pay, just the opportunity it represents. But maybe God wants to blow my mind.

Maybe that’s why the publisher hasn’t called me yet. Maybe God has a different plan but I’m so stuck on this one because that’s the best my natural eyes can see.

I dont know. Do you know?

All I Need


Man! It feels so good to go to work these days knowing my time there is almost up. I be relaxin, not stressed and looking forward to my last day which is next Wednesday.

Remember the movie Sarafina? That’s my theme song!

“Freedom is coming TOMORROW!”

Ahhh! Free from the bondage of Medical Research. Free from feeling like something is wrong with me because I can’t get my feelings to line up with how my Pastor wants me to feel about the church.

It’s going to take some healing I know, to be free from feeling like I have to please men in order to go to heaven.

Last time God spoke to me, HIMSELF, I asked Him, “Lord, I have all these dreams in my heart but I don’t know how I will accomplish them because they’re so big.” Immediately I heard in my spirit, “I will guide you.”

I trust him to do just that. I’m in the running for some guidance and direction and I trust that God has my back and my front because in all of my decisions I strongly consider Him and ask for His counsel. He wont allow me to mess up.

Oooh, this song just wont get out of my head.

Trivia: Who was the best R&B/rap duo to make a love song?

Yeah you got it? Mary J and Method Man’s ‘You’re All I Need’


You’re ALLLL I NEEEEED, to get by-ighhhhh

You’re ALLLL I NEEEEED, to get by-ighhhhh

Shorty, im there for you anytime you need me

For real girl, it’s me in your world, believe me

Nothing makes a man feel better than a woman

Queen with a crown that be down for whatever…

God is all I need to get by-ighhhhh.