Man…
I finished one of my classes today. When I walked out of that classroom I felt so much RELIEF and pride in myself. My presentation went great. I didn’t know how it would go but I give myself a few stars.
I spoke with Sylvia tonite. We talked and talked like we had never missed a beat. It wasn’t until we got to the part where I told her I was outside talking to the sun that it felt like someone scratched a record.
“Wait a minute?” she interrupted me. “You were talking to the Sun? Isn’t that Pagan?”
I laughed. “No. It’s just talking. I love how the sun feels on my skin. It feels like a hug. It feels like love. SO I just lie there and talk to the Sun as though I am speaking to a piece of God. God is in the Sun.”
As I explained to her my beliefs about how what you focus on is what you’ll attract into your life she seemed dumbfounded. I told her about energy work and how my friend and I practice sending each other energy. She was silent.
“You do only use it for good, right?” she asked me.
I laughed. “I’m still the same person at the core. My beliefs about my reality have changed and mostly my attitude toward how I view my life. “
See..When Sylvia and I were friends initially, she and I were the WORST complainers and downers you could ever meet. Everything was so tragic and horrible. It’s like we THRIVED on talking about bad stuff was.
I’ve changed. SHe hasn’t.
But I’m not gonna give up on her. As long as she’s willing to talk to me she’s gonna get the same therapy techniques and spirituality teachings that all of my other friends get. She’s in for a very rude awakening. I help shift mindframes from negative to positive by challenging your words, your focus and your thought process on situations.
I honestly didn’t know I had it in me but I help so many people. Yeah, I know, here on this blog is the raw, uncut Ms. Tee. I show my emotional side here more than I share it with my own friends or family.
For the most part, I’m just not negative about life anymore. I see life as full of potential and conspiring to give me great surprises around every corner. I really look at it as if it is an adventure. Certainly not a punishment that I am obligated to trudge through hoping for some unnamed end which will lead me into something MORE than I have now.
I feel so good right now. I swear…if DEEP doesn’t deserve a reward for dealing with me, I don’t know who does. SOmetimes I just flip on him because I’m feeling emotional and he knows how to deal with it. He reminds me of Tamara, except Tamara would never be so bold to say the things he does, but I know she is thinking them.
I miss my sons.
In the front of my mind I want to be sad and depressed because nothing is moving as quickly as I hoped it would…but at the same time, I’m just so grateful for life. Man…for real. I’m so grateful for life and breath and the fact that I am able bodied enough to do what I do everyday. I’m so glad to be alive.
Alive.
Whatever the wind may blow, wherever my shadow shows, wherever my yellow brick flows- I’m in good hands.
Goodnite.