Maybe it’s the ample time that I have to question everything or maybe it’s the frame of mind that I am in or maybe it’s my evolving spirituality but I don’t know…I find myself questioning EVERYTHING these days.
Is she really my friend?
What do I really want?
How do I really want to live?
I’ve even asked the question, “Am I really a Christian?”
I tried to have this conversation with one of my friends but she was offended that I would even ask. So I had it with another friend and she asked me, “Do you believe that Jesus died on the cross for our sins?”
“Yes.”
“Well, that makes you a Christian.”
“But I’m not sure WHY I believe that. I think I believe it because someone TOLD me I should believe that. It’s like someone telling me that the sky is blue, I believe that because I was told to believe it.”
Without downplaying anyone’s religion, I believe that a religious choice is merely what we choose to believe. If that is the case then no one is wrong about their choice of religion or spiritual practice.
I’m not tring to push aside my Christian background, I just want to understand why I believe what I believe. I hate to be a follower. I’m not the chick to just take someone else’s word for it. I have to investigate and find the truth for myself.
Am I doing what I feel is right for me or just doing this because the majority says this is what I’m supposed to do?
Am I living my life for ME or living it according to the standards that a bunch of people who have no connection with me have set in place?
What is important to me in a friendship? Am I getting that? Am I giving what I wish to receive?
Why? Why? Why?
My mind is filled with questions and I’m seeking the answers.
I don’t know what will come from all of this but I do know, that however I choose to define myself, if I define myself at all, it will be just right for me.
Because my opinion is the only one that matters.