I had a relaxing day. I actually COOKED myself something to eat. I watched a movie called Interstate 60 and although it took a minute to get good and it was a bit contrived, I still enjoyed the lessons it taught me.
Everything that happens is inevitable, the main character had to learn. He also learned to follow his own heart instead of doing what others told him to do. I also learned that there are consequences to every wish, I mean even the most perfect desire has its downside. That led to me thinking about my future and the amount of people I hope to reach through my writing and coaching and I wondered if I would ever consider success to be a burden. Does anyone ever regret their success once they have it?
I did the final read through of my engagement story with the couple. It turned out much differently than I anticipated. I remember my publisher in Houston saying the same thing about my writing style, she remarked, “Your style is a mixture of styles.” It is. I comfort myself by saying that it’s the internet and there’s no style manual for internet writing so I’m okay.
I also did an interview of an old friend of mine who is well on his way to accomplishing his dreams. He wants to make sure he is financially secure so that he can take care of his family. We also talked about being single and abstinent and how it’s time to do things differently than we did them in the past. He admitted that he didn’t want to be “out there” anymore because he wanted to experience the fullness of love & secks.
I told him about my crush on The Prez and his disinterest in me. Since that post where I released my emotions about how I felt I have had the strangest feeling about it all. I feel like I’m finally letting go. I can’t force someone to see who I am and want to be with me and I don’t think that God would send me someone that I had to prove myself to. I guess I like him because of the way he has taken on such a lofty challenge at such a young age. I think more than liking him as a person, I just had this idea in my mind that I could help him shine with my encouragement. The truth of the matter is, I don’t really know him and I have no idea if he’s right for me. I guess the fantasy of being with someone that I can see is going in the same direction as I am fueled my infatuation.
I feel like I’m getting over it now. All I have to do is forgive myself for being so foolish. Ruby used to remind me, “Tee, you love PEOPLE.” It’s true, I want to be an asset to everyone’s life and when people share their dreams with me I feel like it’s my responsibility to help make them happen.
There’s a pattern that I see as I write these love stories. I see now that the connections are made between two people who are in the same places in life both profesionally and spiritually. Even with Kanye and his fiance, they have the same love of fashion. It takes a common passion to unite two people and I’ll wait patiently until I find that perfect match. No more trying to make prove myself or wreckless fantasizing on my end.
I have been working so hard on my website. It’s the closest I’ve gotten to really enjoying my career and accomplishing my dream of using my gift to help people achieve the success I want for myself. I have so much peace and excitement about it all and the happiness I feel when I’m working from home, doing interviews in my underwear and staying up late to write, lets me know that this is what I was supposed to be doing all along.
I’m feeling melancholy right now, thinking about the mistakes I’ve made in the past. But all of that is erased in my mind because I know that I am on the divine plane and God is directing my path.
I’m training myself to forget about what I thought was lost and to look forward to a bright future filled with FURNITURE, LOVE & LAUGHTER and a little bit of kinky secks too.