We See What We Choose To See

Is it true that we see what we choose to see?If so, is my negative relationship with my BBDD just a figment of my imagination? I mean, he says the words he says but, is it my perception of those words or the value placed on those words REALLY my desire to see what I want to see him-to paint him as a tyrant and me as a victim?Do I want to be a victim forever? Do I want to start seeing him in a different light? Was it me all that time choosing to see him as the demi-god who ruled over my life and defined who I am? I think that is what happened. I wanted to see him as my ruler. I wanted to give him power over my life so I gave it to him. I wanted him to treat me the way he did because I allowed it and I innately felt that was what I deserved. I will only allow treatment that I feel I deserve. No one at any job that I may have will ever interact with me in a way that I feel I don’t deserve.I created him being the boogey man in my life because I felt like that is what I deserved.I created it. I pushed him into that. I first accepted it. Then I fed into it with my fear, feeding his attachment to this role which he played so well. Then I continue to feed by believing it and enforcing it. I was such a weak fool, needing his criticism because it was the only way I felt I could face myself in a world filled with so much praise for my many gifts. I connected myself with the one person who saw me as the opposite of who I am. And I forced him to see me in that way because I trained him to treat me that way by leading it, and accepting.As I write this I am emotionless. I feel as though I’m writing about someone else. I remember when his friend came to visit and I guess he wanted to show him my house. When he came inside he immediately began barking orders at me and I jumped so high because I was deathly afraid of him.of HIM!Laughable now…now that I see him as some peon. Well, not really a peon, just not worthy of my time and attention. He was once a giant in my life, now he’s an ant.And his behavior didn’t change. My perception of him changed. Which affected my behavior. Which affected how I interact with him. Which affected how my value I put on his words. Which dethrones him from the place as king of my life.I see what I choose to see in every area of my life. When I wanted The PRez to be in love with me, he was. When I wanted to see the best in my girlfriend, I did when everyone else saw the negative..and she turned out to be just as shady as everyone who warned me but NO- that was my friend and she doesn’t treat me like that so she is WONDERFUL!I see what I choose to see.It’s perception and value and it all starts right here in my mind. The world is exactly the kind of place I imagine it to be. Filled with creeps and jealous hoes or filled with miracles and synchronicities that fulfill my wildest dreams.I see what I choose to see…So allow me to choose wisely.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *