My life is a miracle.
And I’m so tired. I was up til the wee hours of the morning working on my latest article. This process is exhausting, yet invigorating. When I look at my article and adjust the vocabulary and analyze the quotes that I’ve gathered, I’m trying to organize them in a way that makes them get my point across. Along with succint transitions I’m usually able to accomplish this but I’m always nervous after I finish writing because I ask myself, What could I have said to make it more easy to understand?
I called my sons this morning to talk and they said they were doing homework. They asked if I had homework too and I told them that I had lots of homework to do.
These therapy classes are taking a toll on me because they force me to confront issues that I thought I had gotten over. I feel like I’m the one in therapy but I know it’s going to be okay.
I find it difficult to discuss what’s really going on in my mind because no one I know is on a similar spiritual path and when I try to discuss things like lucid dreams, energy projection and life after death my friends just pause and say, “Ohhhkay.”
At least I don’t get bashed for where I’m headed spiritually. Last night Kim was watching Joel Osteen and she said, “He really lines up with your beliefs, Tee.”
I laughed. “I like how you said that, Kim. ‘Your Beliefs’.” That was Kim’s way of saying that she doesn’t believe what I believe but she accepts that I am going to be me.
It would be nice to have someone to speak to about spiritual evolution and philosphies that are outside of popular Western beliefs. It’s wild though when I’m coasting around the internet and I find people who have experienced the same things that I have experienced but I cringe when I realize that they are generally psychics or some type of healer or something and I don’t know what to do with all of that becaue my Christian background taught me that these type of people are not of God.
I remember when I was driving one time in Dallas and for a few seconds I saw myself surrounded by a big ball of white light and energy. It was like a bubble all around me.
I laugh and I sigh at the same time because you can’t talk to people about these things or they will think you are crazy. Did I go crazy after spending all of that time alone? Was I crazy for doing all of that and making the choices that I made? Why do I question everything so much? Why can’t I just accept what other people say as truth?
Yeah I know..Black people aren’t usually into this energy healing metaphysics astral projection stuff. Sometimes I feel like I’m sitting high on a mountain and everyone is in the valley partying. I see their party and I want to have fun too but at the same time I want to be where the music and the mayhem can’t distract me from communicating with my higher self.
Do you believe in Angels?
I’m trying to. At the same time I can’t shake the contradiction that God is God and He really doesn’t need any help from anyone. Or does he?
It’s not like I have a manual to follow. Read chapters 1-21 and do everything it says and you’ll go to heaven in the end. I laugh at myself because it would be more easy on me if I went that route but…I’m more inclined to discover my path for myself regardless being led solely by my own intuition which can’t be checked and affirmed by anyone on this planet.
I wonder if you need validation from someone here to let you know that what you are thinking and believeing is the right way to go. Can you discover peace without following someone else’s lead?
It’s so funny that no one really knows the truth. Truth is always a matter of perception. Hey…that’s what my presentation is about for my human growth and development class. I have to do a presentation on how perception affects our behavior which is interesting because it’s what I have been studying on my own for the past 6 months.
I see death so differently now. To me, it’s not an ending it’s a continuation of who we are and who we are is a spirit encased by this physical body.
One of my old classmates from highschool was shot last weekend. He was a young police detective and he was found dead in his car.
Another of my old college friends passed away last Saturday as well. I feel like I’m being insensitive because I’m not really sad about it. I have this feeling that he’s okay and the family he left behind will be okay too. Is that wrong for me not to be grieving?
I sit and I send out vibrations of positive energy for those who were closely connected to the spirits that left their bodies. I sit and I stare off into space with a smile. I focus on the thought, “You are going to be just fine.”
I hope they feel me.