I have a one track mind.
All I think about is inspiration, motivation and success. I tend to shy away from random conversations because most people don’t want to talk about such things. I don’t know who the latest rap artist is. I don’t watch television dramas. I don’t even know who Paris Hilton is currently dating.
I’m grateful that I have the friends that I do, they think along the same lines as I do. We’re not focused on men or toys, we always talk about God’s will for our lives. Because of this it’s not easy for me to make friends. If we can’t talk about God’s place in our lives, then I have little left to discuss.
Sometimes I want to turn on the television but then I think, “There’s nothing on.” Sometimes I want to read a book then I think, “They’re all full of drama.” Even most blogs don’t interest me because I’m not that interested in other people’s lives. Soap operas bore me to death.
I guess you’d call me boring or self centered. I just call me- ME.
I’ve started reading the Bible again. It took a while for me to see the important message behind all of those drama filled stories. While I seek God wholeheartedly I always find Him. I see Him in the breeze. I see Him in the trees. I see Him in the conversations that I have with my friends.
I’m lonely tonight but I guess I see Him in this situation too. I’m never REALLY lonely because I have lots of friends who care about me and my phone or IM never stop ringing. But it’s these late nights, when everyone has gone to bed that I sit and thank God for loving me and never leaving me even through all of my bad judgements.
I remember long ago that I longed for a closer relationship and now…here in Dallas, He is pretty much all I have. I’m grateful that I’m not desperate for attention although I’d love some affection right now. It’s becoming easier and easier to accept my celibacy and I no longer yearn to be touched by a man.
I’m wondering what tomorrow will bring as my many friends call and speak their blessings over my life, proclaiming what they believe God has told them about my situation. It would be a lot easier if all of them had the same word from God, but none of them do. It just reaffirms that I have to be strong in making the best decisions for myself and even though I am learning to get a grip on my emotions, I still follow the peace in my heart that I know is from God.
Let me go spend time with Him. I love it late at night when I’m lieing awake and I just talk to Him and ask Him to show me the way to personal fulfillment.
It’s funny how I’ve been on this journey, with my one track mind and all. I have been searching for an opportunity to grow and I just realized– that place won’t be found in an office building or the security of a paycheck. The journey IS my opportunity to grow and I welcome it with all of my heart.