I woke up this morning…chest all heavy…determined to get on the bud and go to work. Then my phone rings and its Sylvia and she says, “Tee. You need to go to the hospital. This is no joke.”
So I hang up and call my friend Jenn. She comes in her black jag to pick me up and take me to the ER. WOW> Everytime I see her I can’t believe that we’ve become friends where I can call and ask for help like that but we are…
So I go in..tell them just what I need..I need an oxygen treatment with some albuterol. Nothing else. And I need some prescriptions for a new inhaler.
An hour later..my hands are shaking from the oxygen and the medicine and the steroids they gave me to strengthen my lungs. I remember dealing with asthma a LOT when I was a jit. My Mama says she smoked during my entire pregnancy cuz she didnt care..but would then cuss me out when she had to take me to the hospital because i was having an attack..
My Mama raw… She don’t give a fuck.. She does what she wants…and she is who she is..fuck the craziness….
While I was there I had a lot of time to think… And I thought about how everything changes from one minute to the next and you never know…
How I’m without a car in this moment..but it could crank up at any time. I just need to keep trying… But its raining again. Sucks. How I should never have driven in the storm. I just..really needed food and medicine and was starving and trying to get better..But you can’t really go back.
Today i rested a whole bunch after going by to check on my car. Its still there. Still won’t start. So I came home and slept..and slept.. my body still hurts and my breathing is a little labored but MUCH better than this morning. My friend told me they stopped smoking. I was so happy!
I mentioned stopping smoking to them a while ago and we all said we should..but they (a couple) actually did it. And I’m gonna follow suit. To be honest, I don’t have the best breath due to so much dental work that needs to be done PLUS I smoke so thats why I don’t get to make out often. No one wants to come near me. Plus..my friend says if I don’t eat well, its all affects my hygiene.
Today I was reading (oh snap..LOL I just remembered I was reading some erotic literature- MY PORN OF CHOICE) but I learned something. I learned that in the caveman days when we were afraid or felt in danger our bodies would emit this odor from our armpits and our crotches to keep predators away. It made me think of the times when I was in stressful situations and I felt like this…SMELL come from me and I couldnt stop it for a while.. My friend helped me with that too…
I think…my body is wired for the caveman days. You know..I have that fight or flight thing going on with men and then I used to deal with that ODOR thing that I was super embarrassed about but is really innate to humans
Blah… Don’t I just…suck? I keep thinking about my cute stud friend. Its a mixture of frustration and intrigue. She’s so unusual. I just wanna keep her and question her about her life and look at pictures from when she was little and meet her parents and family so i can see what kind of environment created this type of girl… Cuz she’s so unusual.
but…the socialized chick in me is saying DONT SWEAT THAT HOE! She got a girl.. She aint payin u no attention. She doesn’t want to be your friends. you’re just a time filler because her girl can’t get to her. But…I haven’t really thought of her in a sexual way..
I just like her personality. What the fuck kind of girl is she? I don’t understand. Ok. Let me stop lieing. Today..for the first time..I wondered what it would be like to sit in her lap and make out with her… I know..Im bad. I been a bad girl though…
Funny thing is..She said I could blog about her…I hope she wants to make it a good story…