Guess who I just spoke with?
Sylvia ol raggedy ass. That hoe stopped speaking to me more than 6 months ago.
“I was annoyed and irritated with you,” she said and laughed.
“I know. I don’t care. What’s up with you girl?”
I am so relieved to hear that Sylvia finished her masters in nursing school and is now looking for a job. In the meantime, the man she met a little over 6 months ago is happily taking care of her and she is accepting it and appreciating it.
“Tell me what he does,” I asked her.
“Girl, first of all, I live with him rent free and while I’m looking for a job he is very understanding. He says when I get a job not to worry about paying bills and we’ll work something out when the time comes.”
“Awww,” I squeal. “He ain’t gonna let you pay NO BILLS HOE!”
She laughs.
“Tee, you don’t know how it feels that he meets my needs even before I ask him. I wake up in the morning and he’s gone to work and I open my purse and he’s put $100 for the day in it. I get to go shopping with my friends and hang out all day.”
WHAT?!!!!! That’s MY motherfucking dream! Damn!
“Do you love him?” I ask her.
“I don’t know what love is,” she replies. I roll my eyes but of course she can’t see that. I want to lecture her but she has come such a long way from being debbie downer that I am just so happy to hear that she’s so happy.
“Does he love you?”
“Yes, he does,” she says with certainty.
“Duh. I told you that when you guys first met.”
Then I told her about the project and she admitted that she knew about it because she had been reading my blog which I don’t remember giving her the link to. She admitted she googled it to see what was going on with me and to make sure I was okay.
“Did you read about me and Tamara?” I asked her, referring to my break up with my child hood best friend.
“Yeah. You were talking bad about her on your blog. I wondered if you would do that to me.”
“I was just really hurt over the whole thing,” I admitted. “I know that I have been frustrated by our friendship for some time and I used to try to talk to her and tell her that I felt like our friendship was holding us back from growing but she said she didn’t think that was true. By the time the thing happened when she didn’t buy my book and I knew that if it were the guy she was trying to hook she would have been his first and biggest supporter I felt then that she took me for granted and I guess it was my opportunity to let go.”
“Honestly,” I continued. “I don’t regret it. I mean, I didn’t cry when you and I stopped speaking because I guess I knew it wasn’t permanent but with Tamara I cried for 3 days straight and I felt like someone ripped away my security blanket. It was hard because her presence defines every part of my past but honestly, I don’t want to be the person I was when we were friends. I felt like we were helping each other be weak and I don’t want to be that person anymore.”
I don’t. I want to be this grown lady I see in my mind. This grown lady is supertight. She runs for fun and eats healthy. She gets her nails and hair done every week. She runs her own business and has performances that she does on the side just because she wants to. She is an inspiration to many and her sons are so proud to call her mom. She has a dominant man by her side who delights in protecting her and taking care of her, surprising her with his ability to please her and his priority everyday is making her smile. She also has a girlfriend on the side that she takes care of and she delights in making her smile and seeing that all of her dreams keep coming true.
Yeah, that’s what kind of woman I see myself being. Not some whiny- “I hope he likes me” kind of woman who is afraid to take a risk and has a “she’s better than me” attitude about certain women.
I aint never met a bitch that was badder than me! honestly!
I’m an all around superstar. I’ve always been. I just, needed to allow it to come to the surface.
I’m still working on it and I can’t wait to meet great friends to share that life with.