Sleepless in Miami

I can’t sleep at night (Can’t sleep at night)
And I wonder why (I wonder why)
Maybe God is… trying to tell me something

My nights are restless lately. Plenty of time to sit and plot. No resolutions come just…analyzations of my past.

My soon-to-be 1st grader was just enrolled into the gifted program. I must have kissed him a million times and I even took all my change and bought he and his brother chicken sandwhiches from Wendy’s as a treat.

A pure blessing from heaven, I was able to buy my 3rd round of antibiotics to fix the damage the 2nd round did to my colon. After just one pill I felt better.

Whatever it is that antibiotics do, worked very well and ~knock on wood~ I haven’t had any diarrhea since this afternoon. If this med sticks then I can officially say that my 16 day rumble with my colon is over.

I don’t sleep well at night lately. As you have probably guessed I have a lot on my mind.

It was the weirdest thing. Today I broke out in this weird rash. I don’t know, they looked like red, raised bumps. I was itching all over my arms and calves and my torso. The discomfort went away and came back a couple of hours ago but I tell you, all of this craziness has me worried so much.

Ofcourse I had to go look around the net to see if I was gonna die and I found that I must be experiencing HIVES. They look just like the pictures. I haven’t eaten anything funny in the past few days and the hives started BEFORE I took my new medicine.

My Mama says I’m stressed. I say, “I can’t wait for this to be all over.”

My prayer is for good health for myself and my sons and the opportunity to be a light to my boys. It feels as though all the chips are stacked against me.

Lord, please forgive me if all of the is caused by something I did or didn’t do. If you were to speak to me I would listen. If you were to tell me what to do, I’d do it. I just want to be a good mother and friend. I won’t mess up again if you would just…you know…guide me. I don’t know what to do.

My most powerful hope is to be a woman that my boys can respect and admire in turn allowing them to respect and admire other women.

I feel like I’m under a microscope when it comes to my sons. I’m always afraid to make the wrong move and ultimately mess up their personalities in the future. I know so many men who hate their mothers and can’t form healthy relationships with women.

I don’t know what I’m doing most of the time with my sons. Things are more difficult because I don’t have anyone to share in the decision making. It would be great if I had someone to ease some of the pressure or to affirm me, but…I’ll deal with what I have for now. I tell ya, a little affirmation could go a long way.

Now I see why good fathers remind their children to thank their mother for everything. ~smile~ We NEED to hear it.