Right.

Right.

Right.

You don’t ever feel like you want to just…do the right thing and be righteous?

Whatever that means…

I mean…I’m a seeker of peace.

For real. I find myself wanting to have complete peace about any situation I am in. It’s weird but I feel like my body may be talking to me. Think about it, when I am stressed, my period is irregular. I kept getting “the flu” last year and it was really my body telling me I had a damn kidney infection. I just wouldn’t listen.

I’m thinking about how my body looks and whether or not I want to improve that. I’m really accepting of my body and all the jiggles and squiggles but it won’t hurt to improve my conciousness of how food affects my ability to have the energy I need to rest well so I can work hard.

Anyway…I’m starting to feel like an old lady. I’m so tired all the time. I sit up here with GrandMama Kia and obsess over the story I wrote and the first column I submitted to the newspaper here. I think I did a good job with both stories and JB asked me to read the feature story to him over the phone while he was on his way to a show. He didn’t really have any comments. He just said it was good. Since he’s an editor I respect his opinion, I’m still eager to read some of his work though. I don’t think what he did at the magazine was indicative of what he can really do and I’m eager to see if I’m right. But he kinda grilled me on the focus of my column. I had so much more to think about before I wrote my introduction.

Man…tonight I was hanging with Kia and I was telling her all about my future life. She was laughing! It’s even more funny because ever since I’ve been in Houston, I’ve been meeting people who are just like me. Weirdos.

Yeah I said it. I kinda knew I was weird before but seeing my drive and ambition and tunnel vision and quirkiness in others makes me want to throw up.

I don’t know how to take all of this. There are other people just as weird as me out there? I am really meeting them and I am really seeing myself for the first time.

I’m blowed.

I am a weirdo. Scary?

Man…I’m still praying and going for mine. I’m still asking God to open one of the doors I’m trying to get into. I keep trying. I keep trying.

That’s alright though.

I’ll get through.