While basking in the afterglow of our first intimate experience, my head on Steve’s chest, his fingers lightly tracing random patterns on my bare back, I realized something very profound and I decided to share.
“Steve,” I whispered.
“Hmmm?”
“I feel safe with you.”
“You do?”
“Yes. And I’m sorry I ignored you for the past month. I was scared. I am scared.”
“Let me guess,” he began. “You’re afraid of ‘us’, right?”
“Yes. I am.”
“I spent so much time sweating over the happiness of my friends that I didn’t really believe it for myself. In a way I kinda thought they deserved it and I didn’t.”
“You deserve more than you know, Baby Girl.”
“You think so?”
“Tee. I don’t ever want you to think that I’m with you for any other reason than the fact that with you in my life, my life is better. You add something that was missing before. And the crazy part is, I didn’t even know it was missing because I was happy when I was single and I was all about working and making progress. But now that I have you…I don’t know man, it feels like I’m really moving forward in life.”
“Man…this is so unreal. I feel like calling Tamara to talk to her to make sure I’m not dreaming,” I sigh.
“You can call Tamara and when you’re done I’ll be right here. Shit…man, I’m just trying to be here with you, that’s all. Can we keep it that way?”
“For how long?” I ask.
“For as long as we both shall live,” he said and laughed.
“Shut up!”
We giggle and I tickle him, but he’s not ticklish so it doesn’t affect him at all.
“Tee?” he asked in a serious tone as he pulled me from the living room floor and gently guided me to the bedroom.
“Hmmm?”
“What do you want?”
“What do you mean?”
“What do you want to happen right now?”
“Tonight? Or in my life?”
“In your life?”
“Well, that’s easy,” I began and flopped down on the bed, pulling him closer to me. “I want to hear back from the show I applied to, you know, the producer position. I think that would be an ideal gig for me and a great asset to my portfolio. I want it to pay me more than enough to find a nice safe home for me and my sons and then I want my sons to have a smooth transition back into my home. I want that job to be flexible, yet interesting and I want them to be appreciative of the skills I bring to the table. I want it t be my segway into the next phase of my career. I also want my sons to be proud of me..And I want all of this to happen within the next couple of months.”
“Is that all you want?”
“All? You don’t think that’s a lot?”
“Of course not. You’re very talented and even if God doesn’t have THAT position for you, something great is on the way. You speak it all the time. You believe you deserve it. You’re constantly helping others to believe in themselves, nothing but great things are coming for you.”
I sigh. “Steve, I love it when you talk like that.”
“Well, I learned it from you. You and my Mom. It’s like you guys read from the same book or something. I believe in you, Tee. You ARE that best selling author, that TV personality, that radio show host. You are that woman that will inspire so many through your life.”
“Aww..Thanks Steve. That means so much to me. Cuz I know that right now, I don’t have so much to show for all of my dreaming and fantasizing and even through all of that, you still believe the best for me. I need that and I really do appreciate it.”
“You deserve it, Tee. I only speak the truth. But guess what? I have good news.”
“What?” I ask, eyeing him to sense the vibe of his news. His facial expression doesn’t give it away and I punch him as he remains silent. “Boy, you better tell me!”
“Well, my Mom asked about you the other day,” he started.
“Uh oh….What did you tell her?” I was a bit nervous about his response because I had been ignoring him for the past month, not taking his calls, or returning his emails or texts.
“I told her that you were doing great and she asked me to let her know when she can come down to meet you and your boys,” he smiled at me.
“Shut up! Oh my gosh! I don’t know if I’m ready for that, Steve.”
“Well, get ready because I’m thinking that she can come for the 4th of July weekend. What do you think?”
“Um…Well, I planned to go see my boys over that weekend, you know they’re with their Grandma in Gainesville for the summer. I miss them soo much!”
“Well then, I guess we’re all going to Gainesville then.”
“What?”
“Yeah. We can do that. She’ll like that. I think it’s time.”
I couldn’t believe it. I wanted to cry, laugh and run away at the same time.
Was this for real?
It has to be.
But it feels like a dream come true.