Passing Through My Past

On Thursday morning I can’t resist just one more quick hug and kiss for my boys. As much as they make me want to scream, I feel naked without them.

I stop by their Dad/Grandmother’s house and smooch them up before I get on the road.

I hit I95 and my leg is shaking…the right leg which isn’t good because I have to use it to drive. I call Dianna at work and she keeps me company for about an hour. Then it’s just me, my Late Registration CD and the road.

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So I drive.

And drive.

And drive.

And drive.

And drive.

And drive.

I’m sleepy.

My leg hurts.

I’m sleepy.

I gotta pee.

I need gas.

Back to driving.

I drive.

And drive.

And drive.

And drive.

And drive.

What am I doing out here in the middle of nowhere?

What am I doing going to Atlanta?

What if they think I’m weird in Atlanta?

Why am I so scared?

Five and a half hours later I arrive in Gainesville exhausted but excited to see my good friend Tonya. White people are everywhere and I smile to myself. GOOD OL Gainesville! GO GATORS!!!!!

I plan to go to her place and stay for the night and leave again the next day. When I get there she’s still at work and she allows me to follow her to her apartment where I take a nice shower and fall promptly asleep.

She wakes me up and tells me to get dressed. “Do you feel like Soul Food?” she asks.

“No, I don’t feel like going anywhere. I don’t want to see anyone. I want you to cook for me.”

“Get over it. Get up and get dressed.”

“You get on my nerves hoe.”

I get up and get cute. Although my son has passed his ring worm on to me and it made a big round mark on my FACE ~grrrrr!~ I’m trying to feel confident. We agree to go out to dinner to meet Tonya’s new “friend”.

Sometime in between the last conversation that she and I had and now, she has decided that she doesn’t like him anymore. ~sigh~ I’ll never get her ass down the aisle if she keeps this up.

We meet up at one of my favorite restaurants- THE SUPER CHINA BUFFET!

~shake that thang~

I love that place!

We have very interesting conversation including his presumption that I’m a D.I.T. (dyke in training). Hmm…Just because I think all men are assholes, I have a man’s haircut and I call my close friends my life partners he thinks I’m gay.

Hmm….I kinda see his point…but…he ain’t have to say it like that.

After dinner we head back to Tonya’s so that she can change her clothes. I managed to get in touch with my old friend Donnell and he tells me he’s bartending at a club tonight on University. Besides Donnell, my old “work it Daddy” will be there and it will be fun to see his sexy ass again.

So we head on over to the spot and the parking lot is empty when we get there. “work it Daddy” is in the parking lot and he comes over and says Hi and smiles at me.

We both get out of the car and sashay up to the entrance with only our ID’s in hand, obviously expecting not to pay. We smile at the cute doorman as he hands us a wristband and we freeze.

Hell naw!

Hell naw!

Hell naw!


Our mouths drop open.

Dude is a pastor… Or he was… What the hell is he doing working at the club?

“Well, look who it is,” Tonya says sweetly and looks at me. “Do you know who that is?” she asks him and points to me.

“Sure do. It’s Ms. Tee. How are you?”

I glare at him.

We walk by without another word and once we are inside we have to take a breath. We both had this conversation, “If we ever see that man on the streety we were gonna bum rush his ass!”

I felt my body start to tense. But all that went away when I saw my boy Donnell behind the bar.

I walked over, reached out and hugged his neck. felt so good to see him again.

He was always so nice to me even after he broke up with my sorority sister. This man is hands down the BEST cook I have ever met. People come from near an far to taste his homemade gumbo. His cornbread tastes like heaven and when my sorority sister was pledging and I was her big sister, they would throw parties for us and she would have him cook.

MMmmmmM!! Now you KNOW I got love for this man. My mouth waters right now as I reminisce. Geez! I think I’m a little moist. ~shivers~

Anway, he makes us a drink and I sip it slowly and survey the room. The club is empty which is perfect for me because I wasn’t in the mood to be hit on by guys anyway. My “work it Daddy” comes over and talks to us. It’s nice looking in his face. We just look at each other and giggle for most of the night as Tonya shakes and shimmy’s for the guys watching her booty.

Hanging out with Tonya is guaranteed fun!

After just two drinks (and a top-ff compliments of some dude) I’m feelin quite buzzed. and We dance and dancelike we are in our own living room. Before the vultures can get to us, Tonya and I decide to leave.

As we walk out we see Mr. I’m gonna allow you to set my whole life up and take care of me and I’m gonna leave you high and dry with a baby in your belly because I have absolutely no sense.

I eye him closely as we stand in the doorway. His green eyes look just like mine. His light skinned looks sickening to me.

“Why are you so light skinned?” i ask him.

“I could ask you the same thing.” he tells me.

“So you’re the one who has been hunching my friend this whole time?” I ask.

“Step away from the steps,” he tells me. “We don’t want you to fall down.”

“What’s wrong with you?” I ask him. “Why you tried my friend?”

“Have you seen her?” he says sweetly.

“My friend is out of town,” I tell him and roll my neck.

“No shes not.”

“Yes she is!”

“No she’s not. Watch I’m gonna call her.”

He calls her cell phone. No answer.

He calls her house phone and lo and behold- behold and lo- she picks up.

“See,” he tells me and hands me his phone.

“HOMIE!” I squeal. “Why are you in town? I thought you were going to DC?”

“Girl, I missed the church bus, so I’m home and you can come see me tomorrow.”

“Guess who I am with AT THE CLUB?”

“I know.”

“Girl, I wanna cuss him out!”

“Go ahead. He deserves it.”

“For real?” I ask.

“Go right ahead.

“Ok, BYE!”

I snap the phone shut with a vengeance.

“You are so stupid!” I scream at him. “What’s wrong with you? You’re dumb as hell! You had a good woman! You are stupid! You sitting up here at the club looking like any random dude that even Tonya could pick up and take home! What’s wrong with you, dummy?! What’s wrong with you?! How could you do that to her?!!”

I’m crying and shouting at the same time. Not to my friend. She never did anything to anyone. I’m breathing hard now. I see my chest rising and falling. The security guards inside tell him to step inside the club. He waves them away.

I’m furious.

I take a swing at him, my blow landing on his shoulder.

“Now it’s time for you to go,” he tells me as I continue to curse him. “Take her home,” he tells Tonya.

I’m crying and shaking.

Now I don’t ever think I deserved much from men and I never got it either, but…not my HOMIE. Not my HOMIE! She is a gift from God to this earth. No one can deny it. Men are so stupid. It wasn’t supposed to happen like that for her. She’s almost and angel. i don’t understand.

“It’s okay Tee,” Tonya says and leads me to her car. My head is spinning and all I can think about is this dude in the club while my friend is home with his baby.

I can’t. I just can’t. No one can convince me that there are good men in the world. No one.

We reach home and pass out quickly. I wake up smiling.

My little brother comes over to visit me and we spend some time playing with my niece.

After he leaves I go straight to my Homie’s house and we sit and chat a bit. Since she has to run an errand I’m delighted to get some time with my boyfriend -THE NET. I sit and chat and email a few folks.

The doorbell rings and it’s LEON!


We talk and talk and talk and talk and everytime he tries to leave I change the subject cuz I don’t want him to go. I cherish each conversation with him cuz he’s so much fun! He finally escapes and I’m left alone again.

My Homie calls and asks me to meet her at Cedar River restaurant for lunch. I decline because I don’t want to get too sleepy on the road but I tell her I’ll meet her there to give her a hug goodbye.

Our goodbye is tearful but necessary. “Listen to your sister,” she tells me. “I’m proud of you. You’re gonna do great! Go up there and show’em what you got.”

“Ok,” I mumble through my tears. “I’m scared but…I’m gonna do it.. I’m gonna make it happen.”

I exit the restaurant parking lot feeling renewed. If my Homie says I can do it, then there’s no stopping me!

I gas up and hit the road.


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