Dear God,
It’s been nearly a year since I moved back to Miami from Dallas. I appreciate the safe arrival and the time I’ve had to spend with my sons. Since I’ve gotten here, I’ve been praying for the same three things.
1. A stable, abundant financial income from my creative works.
2. A beautiful home for myself and my sons.
3. That my sons would be returned to my car under grace in perfect ways.
I have not seen the physical manifestation of any of these things yet, I somehow believe that they are near.
I’ve been trying. You know that I have. I’ve grown a lot in my faith and endurance too. I don’t hurt as much as I used to and I know I have you to thank for that. You’ve taught me that my NOW is more important than my future. How I feel about my future impacts my NOW because if I am fearful about my future, I experience the fear and discomfort NOW and when I’m excited about my future I experience the happiness and joy NOW.
So I’ve been learning. And I’m still doing well in school. I never thought that I would be in grad school for one. This still blows my mind. I’m becoming a therapist…who woulda thunk it. WHile I’m learning to help others heal and challenging my own beliefs about myself, please lend a helping hand by sending people my way who will validate these new truths that i have developed.
I know, I know, faith is a determined belief despite the circumstances…I get that, it’s just..I’d like my reality to reflect my beliefs about who I am a little more..please.
Bless my boys. I miss them so much. I don’t like being away from them like this and even when they get back, I don’t know where I will be. Just make it okay for us. I’m sure it will be, it’s just you know me, I’m a brat and I’m a fool sometimes. I don’t want to be anywhere that I am not wanted and I’d rather have a home of my own.
For so many years I begged you to tell me what’s wrong with me. For years I begged you to show me what I was doing so wrong to make my BBDD hate me and to make my journey so tumultuous. I get it. I wasn’t doing anything wrong. My BBDD hating me has nothing to do with me and everythng to do with how he feels about himself. My journey is tumultous because it has to be for the line of work I am trying to do.
It would be so nice to have some of that upswing though. Some stability, some overflow, some safety and of course some love. Surround me with people who love and appreciate me, not just on the internet but in real life too. I’m tired of telling horror stories about my dating experiences. I’d like some good stories to tell too.
Bless my friends. They bring me joy. If it wasn’t for their good stories and positive romantic relationships, I would have probably went crazy by now. Thanks for bringing that into their lives, their peace flows over to me.
Ima go now but not before I say, thanks for teaching me that my past does not define me. My present does not define me. I define me. And I say, I am beautiful, blessed and positioned to prosper and if no one else sees it, I do.
My sons will be blessed every day of their life and I am so glad you gave them to me.
I trust you to guide me. I’m here, listening, moving and showing love to whoever comes my way.
Your Girl,
Ms. Tee