I know I said I wasn’t going to do it again.
But I did.
And I don’t feel bad about it.
Last night I laughed to myself as he walked me back to my car. My body felt airy, my face was shining and my chakras felt like they were all crystal clear.
I gave him a hug and he looked down at me and asked, “Are you really gonna stop talking to me after this?”
I gave him one last squeeze before opening my car door and then..driving away.
I deleted his name from my phone immediately and then relaxed on my ride home. He called and we chatted but I already knew that this would be the first and the last time for us.
One more one night stand. I think I’m the queen of the hit and run.
The crazy thing is, I don’t feel bad about it. But I feel like I should feel bad about it because society says I should be in a monogamous relationship by now. But I’m not. And I’m not even sure I want to be anymore.
If only I could get past this guilt about being abnormal in the sense that, I choose the men I want to do it with and we do it, and then I don’t want to talk to them anymore in life. And I’m fine with that. I don’t expect anything more.
I’m always safe. I haven’t been pregnant or on a pregnancy scare since I had my last Boo Boo. But when I listen to Tamara and she’s trying to tell me about the experience she has of being intimate with someone she cares about…I don’t understand it and I can’t relate…but in a way I want to know what she’s talking about…but in a way I don’t really care…but I kinda do…
For me, sex isn’t a necessity and it sure ain’t emotional or loving. Sex is fun sometimes. Like last night…Last night was pure fun. It was like taking some cold & cough medicine and waking up feeling FINE.
I’m still smiling. I’ll never forget him. Who am I kidding- yes I will.
But…Am I missing something?