I am a Pulitzer Prize Winning journalist.
I just had to state that out loud before I begin this….If you don’t profess it, it takes longer to have it. Be ashamed of your dream and it will be ashamed of you.
I’m on some real shit tonight. I’m on some this is a new beginning type of joint.
I recognize my weaknesses and I accept them as a part of me. Those I want to work on, I will. All others will be taken as that “special” part of me. Who am I to judge myself so harshly all the time? I take special tender care to make sure that those around feel GREAT about who they are…why not focus some of that attention on myself?
I felt so sexy today. I was done up in some simple shorts and an off the shoulder top and random sandals to match. I had my headband pulling back my AFRO (Yes!) and I felt like a muthafuckin QUEEN!
You couldn’t tell me NOTHING!
Bitch…I KNOW I’m beautiful! I felt great!
I went and picked up my boys with my head held high. I felt like a princess with her two little princes. They got their report cards! You know my babies did great. They always make the honor roll. My baby was student of the month. Their Dad is doing such a great job with them. Oh. and their stepmama too. I saw her last month. We didn’t say anything to each other but I saw her at my son’s little show (they’re little actors). She looked beautiful! I thought to myself, “He should get her pregnant more often.”
I recognize that my sons have another woman in their lives who plays the Mama role and I take nothing from the honor she should get for being there for them like she has. I wish our relationship was better because I would really like to get to know the baby. Maybe its the part of me that thinks I will never get to have another one with A GOOD experience this time. Or maybe it’s just me honoring my love for him by loving his seed like I love my own. I already love that baby. I don’t even know why. I’m not supposed to care but I do. I don’t want more children with him or anything…I don’t know.
If I were to tell you about my latest adventure you’d probably roll your eyes and say, “Oh Ms. Tee it’s time to grow up. That adventure shit is old.”
Not for me.
I don’t know man. I feel as though sitting in one place for two long is agitating. My body starts to ache and I feel uneasy if I feel I’m getting too comfortable. I like to start a project and then build it up and set it up and polish it up…and maybe even start it up to show everyone how its supposed to run. But by no means will I ever stay to maintain it for a long period of time. I mean, there are so many other things in the world to do.
I want to travel, especially with my kids. I want to show them the world and allow the earth to be its own teacher. I want to expose them to different kind of people, different kind of beliefs so they will not be stuck in the mental box that most western people are in. I want them to learn that we are all one.
I want to change.
When I think of change I think of internally. Now, I know I’m a good person, which basically means I don’t steal or fight or do mean stuff to people on purpose. At the same time, there is still a war going on within me. I can see my future successes so clearly but in the ONE area I’m studying and trying to become an expert at, I still fail to believe in romantic love for myself.
I swear… It’s like a curse. I used it as a reflection question in class during our role play and my partner said to me, “You’ve brainwashed yourself. All you have to do is correct it.”
I looked at her with my eyebrow raised. Later I told her, “Um, if someone has a problem and even if you think its so simple, just magnify it to meet the client at their level. If the resolution of their problem would be a miracle then you have to treat it as a miracle too. It’s important to them.”
But she was right though.
It has to be my choice.
I’m gonna make it my choice and I’m gonna figure this shit out!
Anyway…a new guyfriend is calling. He makes me laugh… ~smile~