I’m back in school again. I had no idea classes were going to start so quickly but last week, one of my former classmates emailed me asking if I had class that night.
So I went ahead and got my self together and I started class last week. I’m only taking two classes this summer, this semester I’m taking Marital Therapy and we discuss different approaches to helping people during their marriage.
Today’s class was especially enlightening because we discussed the limbic system and how when it is damaged by a break-up it causes people to experience depression and it physically harms their bodies. Their reaction to this pain is to act out and try to hurt the other person in the relationship, even if they were the one who initiated the break-up.
So if your ex is being extra mean to you, now you know why, they are hurting and they can’t deal with the pain but to transfer it to you. I think it’s subconcious.
Another point we discussed is the fact that most therapists don’t know how to handle marital problems. A lot of them are individual based therapists who focus onthe single person and don’t know how to counsel the couple as a pair.
We treat couples as a team, as one system working together toward a common goal. Individual based therapists only know how to help the single person achieve their personal goals and should not be engaged in Couples Therapy because these are not two individual people, this is a unit.
We also discussed some therapists who try to counself couples but their own view of marriage is biased or neutral. If you are looking for a marriage or couples therapist you should ask the therapist what they think of divorce and if they treat individuals the majority of the time or not.
Some therapists will focus on the problem and try to get the person to leave the marriage inciting therapist induced marital suicide. If your goal is to save your marriage you should ask the therapist if they can make that your focus.
Man…I also learned something very profound about myself. Since I don’t have a therapist anymore, I’ll have to ask my professor what he thinks.
I realize that I don’t like to work in groups. Sure, I can do work that involves me playing my part and passing along my own finished product to other group members, but the social interaction part makes me physically ill. I don’t want to meet on the weekends or call anyone on the phone to discuss. I make it a point to let people that I am working with know that the best form of communication for me is by email.
What am I so afraid of?
Why can’t I casually socialize anymore?
I spoke with Tamara about the situation and she said the way I’m describing myself is not the Tee she knows. I wish I was more like Anna. She can go anywhere and talk to anyone. I can’t do that. When I’m in a situation that doesn’t involve me doing my specific job, I freeze up and go stand in the corner hoping that no one tries to have a conversation with me.
I think I’m still afraid to let people know who I am because I think they will think I’m weird. I am weird in a way and I’m more comfortable with people who already know that about me and have accepted it.
The weirdness comes from the fact that I am always trying to help improve the lives of those around me. I can’t have a conversation about random stuff, I don’t really have an opinion.
Ahh..I’m useless in general chat conversations, all I talk about is being better at whatever it is you’re trying to do.
I need to get help to get over this because it’s affecting my schoolwork. When I enter class now, I get this pain in my heart and it doesn’t go away until I am driving home and finally able to relax because I am alone. I hate group projects and group interactions because I think I’ll have to share a part of me and like I mentioned before, my personality can be a bit overwhelming for people.
Tamara challenged me to try to discover the importance behind being able to relate to people.
“You’re a research person, Tee,” she said. “Once you figure out why it is important to connect, you’ll be able to do it.”
I hope so.
I don’t like feeling like this.