When I glanced at the caller ID today I smiled. It was Tamara.
“What’s up chick?” I greeted her.
“Hey Dawg. I need a word,” she began and then paused. “I need something.”
“Ok, Well tell me what’s going on.”
“Dawg. I just feel…bad.”
“Did you sign the lease?”
“Yeah. All of the big stuff is out and all we have to do is get the little stuff tomorrow.”
Tamara is moving out of her fiance’s house. Her wedding was less than 4 months away. Their son is 4 months old.
I can share this because Tamara says she doesn’t mind me writing about it. She says my blog tells my story and since she is a part of that, she trusts me to tell hers too. All of my friends trust me in this area and I’m glad. Sometimes it’s better to take the focus off of me and share the life lessons my friends are learning as well.
“How do you feel Prince?” I asked her.
“I don’t know. I don’t know.”
“Are you feeling like you made a mistake when you got with him? Do you feel like you’re losing the best thing you ever had?”
“Yes. YES! All of that. You know exactly what I’m feeling.”
I do know. I know because I’ve been there. And because I’ve been there I know just what to say.
“Prince. You know as well as I do that your relationship was full of holes. Even with your PUSHER personality you couldn’t fill those holes. Only God can. And even with your persistence to make it work, you couldn’t make it work. Only God can. Yeah you were dealing with all of these insecurities but he didn’t make it better. He made it worse by fueling those insecurities. The man God has for you won’t do anything to make you doubt him. You will be secure in his love,” I said.
“Prince I know you’re sad right now,” I continued. “But honestly deep inside me I’m excited for you. I feel like this is a new beginning for you. You may be losing the best thing you ever had, but in losing that you will gain the best that God has for you. You were willing to settle for a relationship full of holes. Much like me and so many other women, you wanted to make it work and withstood all kinds of signals that it wasn’t for you, just because you thought your willpower could push it to where it needed to be. I’m not saying he’s not the one. I’m just saying right now, you know that you deserve more than he can give you. You know it, he knows and God knows it. Now what you have to do is be open to the change, trusting that as you continue to work on your relationship with God, He will bring you where you need to be.”
“You’re right Tee.”
“Of course I am Prince. I’ve been there. But look what you learned from this. You learned that you should never play the role of a wife in any man’s life until you are that man’s wife. You’ll never move in with a man again. You’ll never put yourself in a position to have another child from a man who is not yours and you will never again be the one who leads the relationship. As dominant as I am, I realize that and as much as I know I’m the big talker, I won’t force a man to be with me or to love me. I won’t try to guide him into doing the things a real man is supposed to do. If he is not doing those things already then I know that he is not ready for me and I won’t press. Neither will you, from this day forward.”
It’s ironic that I am having this conversation with my bestfriend when I just began exploring Your Fantasy: Ending An Unhealthy Relationship over on my other site. It’s kind of hard for me to relive those tough moments when I was involved in unhealthy relationships but now that I’m out of them, I have words of wisdom and encouragement to share.
I once wrote an article inspired by Tamara back in the day. I published it in this online magazine and I’ve seen it pop up on other websites and blogs. It seems that however we may compare our lives to others, their lives seeming so peechy keen, all around the world people are looking for inspiration to get them through a rough time.
Since coming into the knowledge of God and His infinite wisdom I have fought many battles and come out STRONGER. I can share the intimate details of the many battles that I fight through because it’s not about ME, it’s about sharing the lessons and empowering others. You can judge me for decisions I’ve made but the truth, the healing truth, is made magnificent in my recovery.
And just as Tamara will recover, so will I. And so will YOU.