This weekend is an anniversary for me and my college friend Sylvia.
This coming weekend is the 11th anniversary of the day we started undergrad, it’s also 11 years to the day that Princess Dianna died. It’s also Sylvia’s 29th birthday weekend and It’s also 11 years since Sylvia’s ex boyfriend shot himself.
Sylvia sent me an email reminding me about the anniversaries and as I read I was whisked away 11 years back when I was just 18 and a freshman in college. I met Sylvia around the 2nd week of school and she was going through a lot of changes, most notably, she was in a new city with no friends, but then, her boyfriend shot himself and died so she was dealing with that.
I remember being with her, sitting outside of Trusler Hall on the steps and listening to her cry. I cried too. I didn’t know him or her but I felt like damn, we’re trying to make this a better life for ourselves and we’re so young and look at what we are going through. I didn’t know what to say to her or how to comfort her as she dealt with that, cuz man, I was fresh out of highschool and I was so young and I had never dealt with a close death.
Honestly, to be so young, Sylvia and I went through a lot together.
You haven’t heard me mention her name in a couple of years because we stopped speaking. It happened just as I was about to move to Atlanta. It was God’s plan because Sylvia would have NEVER been able to be my friend throughout all that I went through during that year I was away. In fact, her disgust with the choices I was making for my life is what caused us to stop speaking.
But I contacted her to check on her after all this time and she apologized and told me how much my friendship meant to her. I felt the same way because even though she is a little nutty, that’s what I love most about her. I’m nutty too so we vibe well.
Now she says her mindset has changed about the choices I make for my life and she appreciates the type of friend I have been to her and she doesn’t want to lose me forever. I agree.
I know it’s disconcerting when you see your friend going through a rough time. You get emotional and you just want to rush and save them but being a true friend doesn’t mean saving them or even trying to criticize someone into seeing things your way. Being a friend means being right there with them through all of their life lessons, allowing them to learn on their own time and offering help if you can.
When Sylvia’s boyfriend died, I couldn’t rush the healing process, I just sat there with her and listened. When Sylvia wanted to do Kappa Sweetheart, I didn’t want to do it but I went with her to the interest meeting anyway.
It’s about supporting your friend.
And when your friend says she has a dream that one day she will inspire the masses to live a radically different lifestyle, even if you think she’s crazy and should just get a desk job like everyone else and live…don’t say that. Tell her that she can do it and offer an encouraging word every chance you get.
I promise you, simple words like, “I believe in you,” man, they are like Spinach to Popeye.
And my friends have been my spinach all along.
As long as I’m breathing I’m working hard to pay them back for loving me in the way that they do, even though sometimes we have to take a break to grow.
I hope Sylvia gets through this weekend cheerfully.
I’m so glad to have my friend back.