Marvelous Creation
Hmm…My birthdate is 7-2-79. My favorite number is 27.
Coincidence?
Absolutely.
Yep, I made it to 27. ~looking around~ Nothing really looks different to me. But I kinda feel like something is happening and I can’t recognize what it is. I hope it’s good. LOL!
Today is my youngest son’s birthday. He turned 4. I took cupcakes and capri sun’s to his school to celebrate and thank God, he enjoyed it and it made him feel special. I really couldn’t afford to do that, but you can’t ignore your child’s birthday. It’s a sin.
Then we all came home and hung out a bit while I battled the monster that is the after effects of a bout with my lactose intolerance. I don’t know WHY I had that bowl of icecream last night. Wait…yes I do, it was delicious. But dealing with these mind numbing cramps cancel out the pleasure of strawberry icecream. I swear this pain feels worse than child birth. The cramps I get last just as long as contractions.
My 5 year old heard me screaming and cussing during one of my cramps and he came over to me and patted my hand. “Breathe,” he told me. “Breathe. In. Out. In. Out. Push. Push.”
I could barely slap his little hand away in annoyance and after a couple of seconds I began to listen to him because his coaching actually helped. ~smile~ He is so wonderful.
Oh no! Here it..comes…I am never eating fucking icecream again. This is horrible. ~crying~
BRB
Damn…I feel a little better. Where was I?
Late at night when I put them to bed I walk around my beautiful home and smile. The airconditioner feels so nice. It’s semi-clean too. I mean, if you squint your eyes. Today is the 5th and I still don’t have my rent money. I won’t even mention the other bills that have piled up while I am still searching for a job. ~sigh~
What’s going to happen to me? Will I lose it all?
I can’t help but think of Yolanda and her birthday timeline. All kind of drama happened to her during her first 36 years on earth. I’m sure there were times when she thought she wouldn’t make it through. But after reading all of that in hindsight, things don’t seem as stressful as they may have seemed while she was going through it.
That encouraged me. Even though right now things seems so harsh and scary, it will only take one moment, one phone call, one breath, for everything to change for the better. And then this heartache will be a distant memory and I will be facing the next battle with even more strength.
This is not permanent. I will find my place in this world. I will not give up. I will not shut down.
If Bobby Brown can make a come-back, so can I.
“Life isn’t about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.”
George Bernard Shaw