Body Language

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~warning~ GIRL TALK~ GIRL TALK~ GIRL TALK~ GIRL TALK~

I ended up back at the Urgent Care yesterday. Too many things were going wrong with my body and with no insurance or primary physician it was my only option.

I assumed my cramps were from the icecream I ate on the 4th of july but when I have lactose intolerant cramps they only last a few hours. My excruciating cramps had persisted for 3 days along with consistent “Dee-Area”. My body felt weak and my lips were cracked.

Soon after I arrived I was hooked up to an IV getting some fluids in my dehydrated body and I immediately felt better. When the doctor came he told me that there was still some infection in my kidneys.

“Well,” I told him as I reached into my purse. “This prescription they wrote me when I left the hospital last week, man, this stuff costs $200. I can’t afford that so I didn’t get it filled.”

“Well, the medicine you need to fight off this infection is very strong and that’s why it’s expensive. The only other alternative is to get your medicine intravenously but you’d have to stay in the hospital the full two weeks to get it.”

“Sorry. No can do. I have two small kids to take care of. You gotta think of something else. Can you give me a generic version or something? Some samples or something?”

“Yes. I can do that. I’ll send the nurse back in with your prescription.”

“Thanks.”

When they released me I went on over to Walgreens to fill my prescription. “How much is it?” I asked the pharmacy intern nervously. “Oh, the total is $33.”

Damn! From $200 to $33. This medicine shit is all about money. I would have been better by now if they had given me this prescription the first damn time.

And things have been even more hectic because as soon as I was released from the hospital I started noticing problems “down there”.

My friend Tonya calls me.

“Hey girl! Where are you?”

“Oh, I’m in Puerto Rico, on my way back,” she says.

“Ooh, any cute Puerto Ricans around?”

“Uh..No,” she says dryly. Tonya has a sarcastic twang to her speech patterns that would cause you to think she’s a bitch but she’s not. She just talks like that. You gotta love her anyway. “I’m sorry I missed your birthday.”

“Girl, forget about that. I was in the hospital for 5 days with a kidney infection.”

“Yeah. Tamara told me. How are you?”

“I’m okay girl. But now..Girl. I have this problem. It’s my….you know. Ever since I got out of the hospital it’s been burning. It’s been hot. And itchy.”

“Girl, did they give you antibiotics while you were in the hospital?”

“Yeah.”

“Girl, then that ain’t nothing but a yeast infection,” she said as if she was annoyed. “You never had one before?”

“NO!” ugh… I read about them though.

“Go to the drug store and get you some cream. In 3 days you’ll be fine. Antibiotics cause you to get them.”

As friend after friend called to chat with me I relayed the news about my new infection. It seems that everyone had already experienced it but me and everyone had their own remedy.”

Just sit in a bathtub full of warm water and swish it around down there. If you can, push your finger in there and pull the yeast out.

Ughh!

Girl, go get you some Summer’s Eve feminine wash and put it down there twice a day and it will stop the burning and itching.

That shit BURNED ME!

Eat some yogurt girl. My friend says she puts the yogurt inside of her too and it helps.

I got some yogurt but um…I’m not about to waste it on my….

You know what helps? S-E-C-K-S. When I have a yeast infection and I have secks it goes away immediately.

Ughh! When I think of secks I think of a 2 day old pot of oatmeal mixed with fried fish grease, soggy corn flakes and mayonaise. Yuck. Penis disgusts me.

I must be getting old. I have never had so many problems with my body before. Here are a few other home remedies…CLICK HERE.

It’s rough being a woman…

Wow.

Men really underestimate our strength. Lemme go get some more yogurt.

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