I hate being paranoid.
I hate the fact that wherever I go when people stare at me I’m thinking about what their motives are and I’m on guard. People stare at me all the time. It’s like a ripple effect when I walk down the street. When men look at me, I’m wondering who sent them and why. When I see a man on his cell phone walk past and he gives me a backward glance I’m wondering who he is alerting to which direction I’m walking and what they are planning to do to me.
I notice EVERYTHING.
I even feel like this when I am at home behind closed doors. I hate it. I hate not ever feeling safe in this world.
I wish.
I wish.
I wish.
I could realize that sense of safety in this lifetime.
I could finally feel protected and cared for in this lifetime.
I could find a place to be where I know that no one is after me to hurt me.
Fear is faith in evil. The expectancy of bad things.
Why do I expect bad things to happen to me?
~go deeper~
We often expect what we feel we deserve. Why do I feel I deserve bad things to happen to me?
~go deeper~
Is it because regardless of my financial class I have always been a woman of privelege, believing I can have and attaining everything I ever wanted? Is it the fear of my own innate powers?
I’m going to figure this out.