Looking At Myself

God, you know I may be overzealous at times.

I just…don’t know what to do with myself.

I don’t want to stand in my own way with being who I am.

Sometimes I just don’t know what to do with myself.

At times I feel like a leaf floating in the wind. I can’t figure out how to change the wind to go where I want to go. All I know is that I have a destination and a pure heart’s desire to get there. I’m not perfect. I have strong emotions coupled with strong desires and intense passion for life and writing. I try so hard everyday to please God with my life. I try to be truthful to who I am. I’m not into games or manipulation. I want to be the truth. And truthfully give.

I just want to give my gift. I’m trying to do what I love to do. I’m trying to give this thing inside of me. I have so much to pour out. I feel like I’m exploding with creative ideas and passion and power and I can’t find room to contain it all. I just want to give my gift. I want to give it hard and give it strong. I want to just be able to sit back, not have to think about bills, office politics or not being able to see my kids. Imagine what I could do!

I’m excited that I’m finally at a place where I don’t allow other people’s opinions to move me. I don’t need to get a general consensus before I do anything anymore. I don’t need everyone’s opinion because no one would ever make a decision in the way that I would. And I’m okay with that. I’m okay with not going with the popular choice. I don’t want the popular outcome anyway. I’m not trying to hurt anybody, I’m just trying to do what I love to do.

When I get nervous about wondering if anyone would ever see my gift and allow me to give FREELY, I remind myself, “And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose”

I believe I am included in that.

And one day…somehow I will make way for my gift to be given in this world. All of me…will be well appreciated…one day.