Live from Miami, Florida

And five hours later she arrives in Miami, tired but excited to drive her new car and settle into her new home.

How can a five hour drive seem to put me in a place that seems worlds apart from where I have come from? I know that less than 24 hours ago I was in Gainesville eating icecream with Mimi, while I cried my eyes out and proclaimed my hopes for the future. Now, that moment seems so far away. Like it happened years ago instead of last night.

On my last night in Gainesville I got my lil brother to watch my sons while I went to church to say goodbye to the people I knew. As I stood in the back of my last college service I surveyed the crowd and noticed that most of the people there were there before I came. They had all made our church their home and our members their family. I couldnt imagine any of them ever leaving and until 4 weeks ago, I couldnt imagine myself leaving either.

My church was a cool place to be. There was no strut your stuff agenda at my church. It was really about receiving from God and loving each other like brothers and sisters. No one cared who was best dressed or who drove the nicest car. No pressure to look nicer than anyone else. I could show up precise one day and then the next day come rugged with no makeup and a baseball cap. I would probably get teased a little but I wasn’t judged for it.

So I tearfully said my goodbyes one by one before it was time for me to go. Then it actually happened, I came face to face with the man I held so close to my heart for almost two years, but never said a word to him about it. I had to say goodbye to him too.

With a hearty hug and a promise to keep in touch, I now have closure. I have a peace. Whatever will be will be. It’s not up to me. It’s up to God anyway so there’s no use worrying myself over it.

And right now I dont have time to worry about it because sister girl doesnt have a real JOB! Im trying to calm my panicky heart, but from up there in Gainesville, sitting in my own crib, eating good and burning up the unlimited long distance it was much easier to say I TRUST GOD.

I wish I could just flash an empty wallet like Stacey Dash did in the All Falls Down video with Kanye West and have a wad of cash pressed into my empty palm. DAMN THOSE VIDEOS!

I spent my last 60 bucks on groceries today and my lil sis gave me some spending money which I will use to buy diapers and register the boys for daycare. I know its natural to have a little anxiety when you’re in a situation where you can’t see how you’re gonna make it through, but man, I got the shakes.

I’m scared. I am. But at least I’m not alone. My parents got my back and most importantly God has my back. He’s not going to lead me here without provision for my vision. Everything in my heart WILL come to pass. I WILL write, speak and uplift. Today is just the beginning step.

Once I get over this fear I can step up and claim what is mine.

Ahhhhh… I feel so much better. Boy I tell you, more than just an interesting story for you to read, for me writing is like virtual therapy.