I have this uncanny ability to tell when people are shady or dishonest even when they present themselves as friendly or open.
I look for signs and I recognize them immediately, but I don’t react immediately. I wait until I see repeat signs of this behavior and then I make my judgement and treat the person accordingly. Before my revelation about taking my emotions out of certain situations and asking myself, “What is the bigger picture? What can I gain from this?” I would immediately tell the person what flaw I recognized in them, how it was unnacceptable and that I no longer wanted to have anything to do with them.
NOW– things are different because I realize that not everyone is supposed to be close to you and even those who will forever remain associates may have something positive to contribute to your life when you understand that every man (or woman) you meet is a link in the chain toward your greater good.
I’ve learned not to throw people away just because they can’t be my “friend”. I have friends. I’ll hold on to them and everyone else that comes along can just be seasonal or whatever.
Some of the ways I notice character flaws that are unnacceptable to me:
- People who deny things you haven’t accused them of. When someone does this, you can generally take it as a confession that they have done that thing. Ex: “I’m not trying to sabotage you.”
- People who always speak negatively about everyone in their lives. Even if they don’t do it in your face, you can be 100% sure that they are saying the same things about you when you are not around.
- People who gossip about other people’s personal lives, making fun of them. Once again, for someone to take the time to laugh about someone’s bad situation or misfortune, man..that’s rotten. And it lets you know that they are looking for the intimate details of your life to laugh about too.
- People who take the time to outline their good qualities. When I’m sitting there listening to a man say, “I never cheat. I’m always honorable. blah blah blah..” I am turned off because if all of that were true then you wouldn’t have to SAY it, your care and concern would be shown through your actions.
- People who don’t have friends. If you can’t keep a friend, what does that say about your ability to maintain any other kind of relationship?
- People who use sarcasm as jokes. I really hate that. Why jokingly insult me? That’s not cool or funny. I know it’s the way you truly feel but you are too much of a coward to tell me directly.
Most often it’s just being able to tell who people are by the way they treat others. Now that I have a firm handle on that, I need to develop a thicker skin about being around people that have those characteristics because I feel like I’m being fake if I sit there and smile in their face when I know good and well they could never be my true friend.
I have someone in my life right now who exhibits most of these qualities, but on the flip side of his character he also is a very brilliant businessman and loves to share his wisdom with me because he says he likes my spirit. Before I kicked him to the curb, I had to stop and evaluate the situation. What can I gain from this?
A lot. He likes me. He supports me. He refers to me as his friend because I am always encouraging and I praise his work ethic. Instead of kicking him completely out of my life I decided to just take a step back, only interacting with him when he thinks of me and making sure to let him know…in a nice way…that I don’t appreciate the ad libs. “Please let’s change the subject because this is not uplifting.” I still get to hear his wisdom and I will disregard the rest, while continuing to keep the business relationship intact.
Like I said earlier, everyone is not meant to be your friend. But everyone you meet CAN be a link in the chain to your greater good if you watch them closely and learn a lesson, good or bad, from the way they live their lives.