Limbo Limbo
I guess I need to watch more TV.
I didn’t hear anything about schools being closed because of the freezing temperatures and the roads being covered with ice. Damn…this is TEXAS. But I should have known something was up when I had to melt the thick layer of ice on my windshield before I could drive my car.
Today was a day of planning for me. I tied up my loose ends with young CEO who will probably NOT play a major role in the development of my business simply because…ehhh…it’s not a good fit. So after that was settled I set goals for myself. Time to kick it up a knotch and develop alternative strategies which I explored but won’t share for fear of jinxing my progress.
After I handled those things I went to visit Joel Osteen’s church to see if they had any information or resources to help me figure out what I should do next. The office was open but the secretary said that no one had come in because the roads were closed. I sat in the lobby for more than a half hour while she tried to convinced me to make an appointment for the next day but I wouldn’t budge.
She offered to pray with me so I would feel better but I was like, “Naw. I want to see a Pastor.”
I don’t need the physical presence of a prayer partner to appease my emotions and make me feel like things will be okay. I pray for myself and the prayers of my friends are evident. I’m not dependent on someone holding my hand to affirm that God is with me, although I used to be like that.
My relationship with God isn’t so emotional anymore. God is God. With or without my tears and all the yelling and falling out. He doesn’t really care about all that. He wants a life servant; someone whose life reflects His love and His light.
Child.. I’m still trying.
After I came home safely…thank God… I went back upstairs to my room to do a little more research and lie down because honestly, I’m not feeling too well. I need to see a doctor pronto and I could have gone to the ER in Louisiana but I was being lazy and I just wanted to enjoy my time with my friends.
So that’s next on my agenda. I have to find a doctors office in Houston who will see me with no insurance or money. Sounds fun.
After my little rest, which wasn’t much of a rest because….I have lots of friends and everyone has to check up on me, the kids burst into my room asking me to play. So I did.
We all sat in the living room together and watched Sponge Bob while I showed them my Sidekick and allowed them to play on my laptop until 2 year old Junior broke four keys off the keyboard. ~shakes head~
All I could do was laugh at him. He’s so funny and cute. He speaks like a caveman. “Me Do! Me Do!” When he wants to play, “Me turn!” I know it’s only been a couple of days but I have fallen in love with these jitterbugs.
The 4 year old little girl Christina looks just like Britney Spears to me! And she’s brilliant! Yesterday I taught her how to play those little hand clap games we used to play when we were kids. She caught on fast and soon we were clapping and snapping and laughing in perfect rhythm.
In the midst of our play Nancy calls me into her home office to talk.
“Did you do you hair?” I ask her as I enter and take a seat.
She smiles. “Well. I took a shower today and I didn’t yesterday so that’s why I look different.”
We laugh.
“Well, I know that you are kind of in limbo right now wondering what you are going to do and I don’t want to add to the confusion a minute longer,” she spoke sincerely. “By getting to know you and your goals I’m not sure if this position would be a good idea for you. You need more time to work on your life plan. You have a lot to accomplish and I don’t want to interfere with that. I think it would be best if our family goes with the other person.”
I smiled. I agree.
“I understand,” I told her. “You have to do what’s best for your family.”
“Will you be able to find a place soon? The other person will be here on Monday.”
I laughed on the inside considering the double digit figure in my bank account. I eyed the resource pamphlet sticking out of my purse. “I have a few options.”
“Will you go back home?”
Home.
Where is that?
“I’m sure I’ll be fine,” I assured her. “I’ll let you know.”
By dinner time I was feelng great. Sometimes when things don’t work out you HAVE to know that it is for the best. And this is one of those times.
We all sat down to the kitchen table to enjoy a meal of stew beef and cornbread which Nancy’s husband says reminds him of the kind of food you eat when you don’t have any other food to eat. “It’s dry. It doesn’t have any taste. It’s disgusting,” he says while eyeing the cornbread.
Nancy’s family consists of her husband, two kids, her elderly father who is so cute, and her older sister who is a trip. We all sit around the dinner table making jokes and talking about whatever.
The family has had a problem with squirrels eating away at their roof so they bought a metal cage to trap the critters and they plan to release them instead of killing them. Nancy’s father who is about 80 years old is in charge of the project. His job is to count the critters and release them. The only complication is, he also catches a few rats in the process and he will calmly drive into the next neighborhood and release the rats there.
After dinner I help clear the table and load the dishwasher. I then clean off the counter tops and say goodnight to the kids. I go into my room and close the door. My phone rings and it’s Kim.
Wow. I feel like I haven’t spoken to her in ages when she is the one person that I made sure to speak to at least twice a day.
“What’s up girl?” I squeal.
“Nothing girl,” she says with a laugh.
“Why does it feel like we’re growing apart?”
“I know,” she agrees. “I feel it too. But don’t worry girl. I believe this is just a season for us. I mean, we couldn’t keep going like we were going, one of us was going to get married one day and we can’t be so dependent on each other.”
“I guess. I’m just used to it being me and you sharing all the details through whatever. Now, the only person I speak to everyday is JB.”
“I know Tee. But honestly, I thank God for JB being in your life right now because…for real..I don’t know if I could handle hearing about what you are going through on a day to day basis. I think it would be too much on me. Maybe it’s the season for you and JB to connect through all of this. You are doing something that I could not do, Tee. And it hurts me to watch you but I know it will pay off. But I’m glad you and JB are friends and maybe God sent him to be your anchor during this time when I can’t.”
Hmmm… JB is cool.
“Kim, I honestly believe that this is a season of healing for me. Being here with this white family and feeling connected to them. I feel welcomed by them. When we sit down to eat dinner I can see our reflection in the bay window and I’m blowed. They don’t hate me. They’re not judging me or pushing me away. At least I don’t think. So far, I really like Nancy and it’s really only GOD who would have me in such a great home during the coldest winter of my life.”
“Girl!” I continued. “You should see their pantry! I opened the door and almost fell out. It was overflowing with food. They must stock up for natural disasters or something because I have never seen so much food in one house before. I have not had to spend a quarter on anything since I’ve been here.”
“See,” Kim says. “That’s how good God is. I know you may not have a lot right now in your account and it seems scary but you have not gone without. You’re in a position right now for God to show out and He has! Think about it. Every move you made; from Atlanta to Louisiana to Houston, it’s all been covered. No, you can’t do a whole lot, but you made it each time with change to spare. That’s God!”
“I miss you Kim.”
“I miss you too girl. But we’ll be alright. Everything has its season. Let me go ahead and go to bed cuz I have to be at work early tomorrow.”
“Bye girl.”
We hang up and I lie back and look out the window. My car is parked out front and I can see it clearly. I love my red car. Although I’ve had it for months now I am still amazed everytime I drive it. When I first got it I called it G.G. (Gas Guzzler) because I was shocked by how much gas it took to fill it up but now I think the intials should stand for God’s Gift, because it truly is.
My phone lights up and I giggle when I see the caller ID.
“Hey JB,” I coo into the phone and snuggle beneath the covers.
“What’s up Lil Shawty?” he asks in his cute little Southern drawl. “How was your day?”