Everything happens for a reason…

Do you really believe that or is it something you say to yourself to soothe your aching heart when you can’t explain why things don’t go the way you plan them?

My trip to Houston put this theory to the test.

I watched as the thermometer in my car dropped steadily as I headed West On I10 toward Houston. It was MLK Day so there was no real traffic. It rained for most of my drive but it was manageable. I made it into town around 7pm and I didn’t have to refuel my gas tank until I made it to Downtown.

I called Nancy and let her know that I was on my way.

I was uneasy about the situation, not just because this was a white family that I would be living with, but because I emailed Nancy right before I got on the road and she called me saying that her husband had found someone else that he wanted to consider for the position and they wouldn’t be able to give me a firm answer until the next Tuesday. “But you’re welcome to stay with us for the week,” she offered.

It raised a red flag because she had already told me that the position was mine, now she was reconsidering. Since I didn’t have anywhere else to go I had to keep moving. I found her house easily this time and when I parked my car and removed my laptop and purse I saw two little angels jumping up and down at the door.

I smiled to myself and gave them hi fives when I walked in.

The kids were too excited. They wanted to play. They wanted to show me their toys. They wanted me to see them jump and sing. I laughed so much! Two little blonde haired blue eyed kids. Adorable.

I was introduced to Nancy’s husband whom I hadn’t met the first time I visited. He seemed to be a real smart aleck. At first glance, you would think he’s too sharp for Nancy who seems to be on the more quiet side, but after a while I could see how they kept each other happy. They have similar personalities whether they want to admit it or not.

I read the children bedtime stories just like Mary Poppins would have and then I retired to my quarters for some rest and phone time with my Mama, my lil sister and then JB.

I sat for quite a while, staring out of the window at the street below, feeling like Isaiah in Losing Isaiah when his real Mama took him home and he woke up like, “What the fuck?”

It’s 35 degrees here. In the daytime.

I have NEVER experienced anything like this before.

I didn’t cry myself to sleep…I just felt peace. Like whatever is supposed to happen, will happen and I should be grateful that on a cold night like this at least I have a warm bed to sleep in.

The next morning I woke up early but didn’t leave my room until I heard Nancy leaving to take her 4 year old daughter to school. I quickly showered and decided that I would start my chores by spending the day doing their laundry. And I really spent the entire day doing load after load and folding them and attempting to put them away. Other people’s unmentionables ya’ll. It was a very humbling experience. I didn’t really see Nancy much although she is a stay at home Mom. I spent the rest of my time on my laptop sending out resumes and praying for a miracle.

It seems that young CEO and I did not come to an agreement about the terms of my employment and the offer was rescinded. Honestly, I think it was for the best because I had no peace about the hours they wanted me to work and he said he felt that I wasn’t excited about it, which was true, but only because the monthly stipend I would earn was not enough to cover my bills which would force me to get another job which would force me to spend less time building my business.

Remember that?

Wow. Funny how such an exciting idea that I used to be so passionate about is now the furthest thing from my mind. I’m still passionate about it, it’s just…damn. I gotta eat to live. I kinda wish I hadn’t talked so much about it because now everyone who calls is asking how my business is going and I have to honestly say, “It’s not.” I have to secure the basics first before I can get back to my dream. Did I make a wrong turn somewhere?

I have yet to solidify shelter or income— but I’m here.

I remember telling young CEO, “I have no money right now but I promise that I will see you in Houston next week. And when you see me, you have to know that God is real because there should be no way that I can get there based on my current situation. It seems impossible, but if this is of God, He will make it possible.”

I’m here.

Full of hope and charm and …scared too.

But I’m here. Waiting. Pitching myself to publications. Shooting my resume out.

The family that I’m living with has offered “Just in case” things don’t work out- that I could sleep on their couch until I found a place.

Imagine that?

Ms. Tee living with the Cunninghams.

But they’re not so bad.

And even if they were- God used them to provide shelter and food for me- at least for a week until the person they want arrives.

I actually sat down to dinner with a white family ya’ll. That only happened once before while I was in college and it blew my mind even then.

I’m nice and cozy in my bed. My belly is full and there are plenty more snacks where that came from.

Even if I don’t know where I’ll be tomorrow or the next— I can’t get down about it.

I have to keep looking up.

Cuz when I look up— maybe I’ll see God and He will show me the way.