Let Me Handle My Business-Damn! –Jay-Z

I woke up to the sound of my phone chiming. It was Kim texting me at 5am.

Bitch, I’m sleep.

Damn. Now you woke me up.

The dueling thoughts from the previous night came flooding back.

Do I want to stay in Houston? The drama. The trauma.

Hmmm…..My spirit is saying….

Fuck that. I’m here now. Might as well see what’s shaking.

I have nothing to lose and everything to gain. Like Kenya loves to say, “It’s equally likely that you will have tremendous success or failure. Just do it.”

That’s right! It’s equally likely.

So I’m gonna believe that I can fly.

I hop out of bed with a smile.

LET’s GET IT!!!

Ok, so the plan for today is…. food..housing…income….Work it.Today I will go into town to one of the most popular restaurants and apply for a job as a waitress. I saw their HIRING sign and it would place me in direct contact with the Black business leaders and cool people in this community. Plus, if I work it right, I can get connected AND use my looks and charm, I mean, customer service skills to get me some damn extra money to cover these bills.After that I’ll find a food stamp office and get my application on. FOOD STAMPS!!! ~shake that thang~Now for housing? Hmm….I do have an option or two so I’ll check those out and see which one is the best fit. All I have to say is…my Houston readers are showing me so much LOVE!!! They’re sending me tips, contacts and leads…It’s wild how the internet connects, heals and empowers in such a grand way. They are empowering me to prosper and in turn, sharing in my dream and I am so grateful.I hop into the shower and go to the trunk of my car to get some nicer clothes than the few outfits I have been recycling over and over again. I choose a pair of simple gray slacks and a black sweater. I’ll wear my hat and glasses to finish off the look.I mapquest the directions to the restaurant and email them to myself. I ask Nancy about a foodstamp office and she gives me directions to one in a nearby city.I eat a quick bowl of cereal, give Junior a tickle and I’m out the door. As soon as I start my car I begin to feel better. Come on…You know what did the trick…It’s my baby Kanye. Through all the traveling. All the hopes. All the failures and all the thrills. The city may change, the dude in my life may change but one thing that hasn’t changed is the CD I play when I’m on the road. LATE REGISTRATION.~sigh~It inspires me.I reverse my ride and turn up the volume. My finger absently pushes the button on the CD player. I need some #3. My body relaxes as he sings to me, “You’re gonna touch the sky BABYGIRL!”I need to hear that Kanye. You’re great.Then I fast forward to the next cut I need to hear as I zoom on the expressway. #13. I’m vibing to my baby’s voice until he says those magical words:People askin’ me is I’m gon’ give my chain back (uh). Aww shit! WHen you hear this, you KNOW Jay-Z is about to come thru with some SERIOUS INSPIRATION! At this point I press my foot on the gas and turn the speakers all the way up.Here’s motivation JAY-Z style!Yep! I got it from here ‘ye damn!The chain remains, the game is intact, the name is mine I’ll take blame for that. The pressure’s on, but guess who ain’t gon’ crack? Ha, ha…Pardon me I had to laugh at that. How could you falter when you’re the rock of gibralter? I had to get of the boat so I could walk on water. This ain’t no tall order, this is nothin to me. Difficult takes a day, impossible takes a week. I do this in my sleep, I sold Kilos of coke, so… I’m guessin’ I can sell CD’s. I’m not a businessman I’m a BUSINESS– man! Let me handle my business, damn!I listen to this verse at least five times in a row. The first time I hear it I’m proclaiming it for my life. The 2nd time I hear it I’m crying. The third, fourth and fifth times I hear it I’m banging on the steering wheel and feeling invincible!I’m on I10 going east, then I hop on I610South, then 59 North toward Downtown. I know I’m headed somewhere near Montrose but I don’t know exactly where. The mapquest directions are messed up. Wow. I’m not afraid to get lost anymore. No more crying on the side of the road. I just…do what I have to do to figure it out. Being in Atlanta prepared me well for this.I pull over and pull up the map on my sidekick. Um…I don’t know what I’m looking at. I call my little sister who is at work in Miami. “Teenie, can you give me directions to this restaurant?”A minute later she tells me, “You’re close. You’re 5 minutes away.”I find the restaurant and walk confidently up to the door where there’s a fine looking black man in a very nice winter coat holding the door open. The line is long and the place is bustling. I walk up to the front counter and ask for an application. The young lady hands me a paper and I sit down to fill it out. When I’m done I survey the crowd. Damn…I guess all the Black people in Houston are…right here in this restaurant. Nice looking men too.Non DL brotha looking men too!Damn! Yummm… But not really. I mean, they are after all…men.I hand in the application and head out quickly. I have directions to a foodstamp office in Katy but since I’m downtown it might be a good idea to find an office down here and wait it out until the end of the work day.I find the little internet cafe that Ruby and I found when she was here and I walk in and plug up my laptop. A few clicks later I’m scribbling directions in my notebook and packing everything up. Too bad that I got lost and gave up on finding the damn office. I called Nancy and she helped guide me back home by taking Halcombe and jumping on 610. When I get there I go to my room to return emails and when I’m done I go downstairs to play with the kids while she cleans. We play every game I can think of. Well, every game that is not physically demanding. These kids want to play hide n seek. I’m like, “No.” They want to play tag. I’m like, “No.” But I do read them a story. Teach them how to do the snap dance and I even have little Christina doing the Heizman on that hoe. We bake a cake for their mom’s birthday.We watch TV. I do a few loads of laundry in the meantime and then Nancy brings out Christina’s play makeup which both kids decide they want to apply all over my face. So I’m sitting there feeling like Celie in the Color Purple when she noticed, “A storms coming” but I laugh because this is an interesting experience and I have to embrace it for what it is.The pizza man arrives and we chow down on Pepperoni pizza and then I load the dishwasher and clean the counter tops and their Dad comes home. It’s 8:00. I’m off. I slip off to my room and close the door.Ahhh.. Time to rest.I want to talk to Tamara but I know she’s busy.She’s always busy. I called her the other day at work and we only spoke for 10 minutes before she said, “Girl, that’s AJ on the other line I have to go.”I was so upset. Who is AJ? I don’t care if they are getting married this year! ~rolling eyes~ She just met him! I want to talk to my friend. I don’t know what to do about JB. I don’t know what to think. I think he wants me to be his girlfriend. Well. I know he does. I don’t know how to handle that. I haven’t heard anything like that in forever. I need to talk to Tamara so we can figure out what’s happening. She always knows the right thing to do. We usually figure stuff out together. But she’s busy. Cuz she has her own life and I’m not priority anymore. I’m feeling jealous and hurt and insignificant. Everybody is living there own life. I have to live mine too. People call me stubborn and unrealistic but at the end of the day, everyone who has an opinion about a decision I make, will go to their crib, close the door and won’t be thinking about me.I have to live for ME.You have to live for YOU.Don’t allow others to make your decisions. Be fearless. Trust yourself. Be bold and make a move.And if you have a man, do a good deed…call your friends and say Hi. They miss you.