When Anna calls me this morning I’m on another phone call and I can’t answer. We play phone tag throughout the day and when we finally reach each other I’m in my car on the way to my last therapy session.
I jabber away about all the silly stuff that I’m involved in and random nonsense and Anna listens but I can tell that her head is really somewhere else.
“Ok, I’ll let you go to your appointment, call me when you’re done,” she says.
I take the elevator up to the counseling center and I go in to meet my counselor. As soon as he shuts the door I smile and says, “Today will be my last therapy session.”
He smiles and claps his hands.
“And today I’d like to share with you what I’ve learned since I’ve been coming here.”
“Sounds good to me,” he says.
“First I learned that when the negative thoughts seem to overwhelm me I have to learn how to balance my thoughts which will lessen my anxiety. Then I remember you telling me to try to limit my ‘buts’. You know when I mention that something good is happening and then I turn around and negate it by saying “But this is happening too…” I’ve gotten rid of most of my BUTS too. I’m still working on that.”
He smiles at me.
“I’ve also learned to relax by creative visualization and breathing excerises. And..umm..the situation with school is better, but that got better with time. Next time I’ll remember that any new activity that makes me nervous will get better with time.”
I asked him a few more questions including one that my friend asked me to ask, “When someone is experiencing a repetition of thoughts surrounding a particular negative event, how do they stop it. My friend says she keeps picturing the negative scene over and over and over everyday and it makes her feel bad.”
“What did you say to her?”
“Well, I told her about saying STOP when she sees the image or has the thought. And she says that has worked for her. I also told her about timing the negative thought and giving it a limit, like say 15 minutes to think about the topic and after that she has to think about something else. She says she’s so busy watching the clock that she forgets to think about the thing that was bothering her!”
He laughs.
“Good advice. You did well. I think other people use a rubberband and place it around their wrist. When they have the negative thought, they snap the band and the prick of the band snaps them out of it.”
“Ooh, I’ll tell her that!”
“One more thing before I go…What do I say when someone is emotional and is talking about someone else and how they treated them and the person is being ridiculous because of their emotions?”
“Ok, well, first of all, you can’t give rational advice to a person who is on an emotional high, they can’t connect with it. First you listen to them and let them vent. Then you empathize and let them know you understand where they are coming from. And then…when you see that they have calmed down a bit, you can offer them the rational advice. But you have to do it when THEY are ready.”
“Thanks so much for all your help!” I tell him as I shake his hand and leave.
And yes, my counselor was so georgeous, sometimes it was hard to concentrate! I definately feel the theory that patients often fall in love with their therapists. I can see why. You have a person who is non judgemental and who is right there with you as you go through the craziness in your life. It’s definitely attractive.
When I leave I head over to the clinic. Since I have no insurance I need a free one. I get in to see the nurse and she confirms that I have another UTI. This is my second one, the first one landed me in the hospital because I didn’t know what was going on and I let it go for too long and it turned into a kidney infection. So now I know what to look for and she gave me a prescription for antibiotics.
GO AWAY UTI!
Anyway…Anna finally caught up with me as I forced myself to go to class tonight. We had been playing phone tag…AGAIN…for the rest of the day and she finally caught me at 6:30.
“You on yr way to class?”
“No, not yet, but I’m getting dressed. What’s up?”
“Well, I’m feeling good, but not so good,” she began.
I sat listening quietly as she explained.
“My job…they let me go,”
Let her go where?
“They didn’t reknew my contract for next year so basically in a couple of months, I’m out of a job.”
Whoa!
“But I’m not upset,” She explained. “I know I can find another job. The problem is, I still have to work there for two months knowing they don’t want me to come back. And it’s not my work, I KNOW I did my work, they say it was budget cuts.”
I sat quietly, allowing her to finish. See, Anna is the strong silent type, but sometimes she doesn’t want to be like that. I was sitting there trying to read her aura, trying to feel her vibe to see if she was really okay.
I smiled as I realized…she was. She is.
“I have a plan. I checked into massage therapy school and if I start now I can be done by the end of this year.”
“Dawg! That was your dream for so long!”
“I know! And look what happened. I would have never left teaching to follow it, but now it seems that I can do it, if God will make a way. But I refuse to believe that my life is going to be rough. I refuse to believe that God has anything besides great things in store for me. Life HAS to be good, I give too much, I sow too many seeds. I’m just gonna see what He does.”
See?
That’s why Anna is my friend.
Speaking of friends…
Tamara blessed me the other night. She called me up and said, “Girl, let me tell you how good God is. This is the first time in my entire life that I’ve been depressed. I’ve never had to deal with anything like this, but look what He does..He has YOU start school for therapy and you’ve helped me so much. All the things you tell me to do, works. I don’t know what I would have done if you hadn’t started school this semester. This was right on time for me….I just wanted you to know that.”
Yes, Tamara has been going through a rough patch emotionally this year so far. She’s been dealing with the emotional angst of her last relationship ending, having to see him with another woman around her child, financial crisis AND she’s in love with someone new and she’s having a hard time allowing him to be there for her since the last two men who promised to take care of her walked away, leaving her with a child and nothing else.
But this man is different. She can tell it, I can tell it, everyone can see. Still, she’s torn between healing from her last relationship and fully embracing this one while she seeks to establish herself, independent from any man’s help.
And my sister…
She is blessed. She is still working for that elderly woman in Boca and loving it. She doesn’t do much, she’s a companion and she’s saved all kind of money and keeps herself looking nice, just like she always wanted to. Just like I always knew she could.
She’s in love..again.
The new guy, his name is Adam and he’s very sweet to her. Just today she called me and told me that his mom called her to hank her for being such a good influence on him and giving him focus.
And Kim…
Kim’s doing okay. Somehow, she’s made it this far in her new condo, she finished her MBA and she still hasn’t found a job yet. She still has her car, her bills are paid..All I can say is THANK GOD. Kim is doing well.
I don’t know about this boyfriend of hers though… I’m getting mixed signals from him. I want to believe that he’s a good guy because he treats her well, it’s just…something is telling me…he’s not the one.
I could be wrong. The last time I had that feeling was with Tamara and it was so hard to tell her because her man wasn’t abusing her or belittling her in any way, it’s just..I had this feeling.
Well, it’s my feeling so I’ll keep it to myself..for now…