This morning Tamara called me to give me a wake up call. My heart was aching so much that I didn’t sleep much last night so I texted her asking her to wake me up at 8:30.
I know what time my old director gets in so I gave her a few minutes to get cozy in her chair before I called. When she answered I almost hung up but I took a deep breathe and asked her if she had a minute so that I could share some things with her. She said she did.
I explained to her what I have learned since leaving the website.
How none of the other jobs I have seen even come close to matching what I had at the website. How I didn’t give myself a chance to learn how to operate in the corporate environment because I was being immature.
How the opinions she gave me made sense (I really didn’t want to admit that) but at the time I was close minded to them because I don’t like people to tell me what to do. (she laughed at that)
How more than anything, I realize now what I had and value it more.
I asked her if she would consider allowing me to come back again and prove myself. I promised to be dedicated. I apologized for leaving so quickly and I told her that I want to make Dallas my home. I also shared that I had never been more satisfied in a job than I was when I was there.
I thought she was going to be catty but she wasn’t. She was nice. She did tell me that coming back on in a full time capacity may not a good idea but she will consider me for a freelance position she is thinking of creating.
I was satisfied that she at least heard me out and maybe…by me going to her and correcting my mistake…maybe God will open up His blessings for me and provide me with another opportunity to show what I have learned. If God wants me there, He will take me back. If not, I’m open to becoming a blessing to another company or team.
When I hung up I still felt sick. Not really because of the phone call, but moreso because I try to do the right thing ALL THE TIME, so knowing I did the wrong thing hurts me to my heart. It feels like I failed.
But I really believe that all of this was divine. I had to learn this lesson so that I will be able to handle even more responsibility in the future.
I’m itching for the chance to be a leader again. I need more projects, I need more responsibility, I need to get up off of this bed and use my leadership skills. I need to be in charge again. ~sigh~ The next opportunity will be from God and I will not mess it up. I promise.
This evening I went to Irving to attend a meeting of the Irving Black.Arts Council. I took this picture while I was waiting for the meeting to begin.
I sat with the board members and listened as they planned their calendar for next year and explained their plans for the remainder of this year.
They asked me to join but I said, “I’m still feeling out this city to see if I will stay but I really enjoyed your meeting.”
I wish I could help them. I know I could but I can’t commit myself without knowing if I will stay. It’s funny that I’m trying to keep an open mind about leaving when I know that I love this city and I don’t want to go.
God, release the channels of opportunity for me here. Show me the way of prosperity. Guide me into the perfect situation for the perfect pay and appreciation. Allow me to show you that I have learned and I have grown.
They started the eviction process today but here I sit in perfect peace. Now that I am focused and ready for my promotion, I am certain that God will bring it to pass.
PS- Please be patient with me in responding to your emails. I try to answer every one of them in a timely manner so I’ll get back with you as soon as I can. Thanks for writing!