I’m The T-Lady

JB gets on my damn nerves!

He’s so damn rational and that really pisses me off sometimes. Dude, take a RISK! He’s so damn stable. I don’t see how we have anything in common, except for the fact that we both LOVE writing.

And he’s so fine…

The other night I was talking on the phone with him and he goes, “Remember that night we went out to Sugar Hill? Remember when we were leaving and we passed that big guy on the stairs?”

“Yeah.” I replied absently while sitting in my car so I can get a signal.

“Do you know who that was?”

I sighed. “Who?”

“That was Bonecrusher. The rapper.”

“Yay..” ~yawn~

“He spoke to us. Did you hear what he said?”

“No,” I asked, suddenly intrigued.

“You don’t ever hear what anyone says! Geesh! He said, ‘Ya’ll make a nice couple.’ “

“For real?”

“Yeah. That’s what he said.”

“Did you respond?”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“I was trying to decide if I should ask for his contact information or not. You know, being that I was about to start my new job as a music editor and all. I figured it would be a good idea to get his information.”

“Why didn’t you?” I asked incredulously.

“Cuz I was so into your stank ass!”

“You crazy. I ain’t going nowhere. You should have gotten your story. Next time GET YOUR STORY!”

“Man…can’t win with you. But isn’t that interesting? How many people can say that a celebrity complimented them? Most celebrities that I have met are way too into themselves.”

“You would know. You’re the one whose met them all.”

*****************************

Today I woke up feeling better than I did when I went to bed.

I was watching this show called Scrubs with the Professor last night and at the end, the Hispanic (?) Black (?) chick found out she was pregnant and everyone was so happy!

“A little bit of you,” she said to her man, the guy who played on Clueless.

“And a lot of you,” he whispered back as they embraced.

I couldn’t help it… I…. I….bawled!

I couldn’t stop crying…

~whining through my tears~ They’re gonna be so happy…Kids are so much of a blessing and if you have kids…enjoy them… This is so hard. So hard. I’m so lonely. I want my kids. I can’t even use my phone. I can’t talk to my friends. I don’t have them as a crutch. JB is always there but he won’t let me whine and act like a baby. He tells me to get over it. He wants me to be tough. He reminds me that I’m in Houston by choice.

I am.

But that doesn’t mean I don’t hurt. ~crying~ I wanna kick it with Tamara. I wanna see my friend while she’s pregnant. She probably gonna forget about me. I want Mimi. I want a hug. I want Kim. I want Ruby to come and help me figure this out. Where’s Ruby? ~still crying~

So I went to sleep crying and looking at JB’s picture on Myspace. He’s so damn difficult. I wish he would just act like I tell him to act. He’s so resistant. But he’s so fine. And secretly I appreciate the voice of reason in my ear although I know he’s probably against everything I’m doing. But he doesn’t scold me. He says he appreciates the difference in our thought processes.

I’m glad.

I need a job… I feel like this is deja vu. I feel like I’m back in Miami again. Struggling. Only I’m not struggling as much.

So I woke up and stretched all of the grief from the night before away. Today I will not stress myself. I will continue to introduce myself to editors and pitch my column across the country to any publication I can find. I will apply for more jobs in person. I will get my car detailed and find a barber to get a haircut.

So off I went to get my haircut. A chick I met at the Breakfast Klub recommended this dude in the 3rd ward and he’s actually very close to where I live. 5 minutes away.

I stepped up in the spot and smiled. I love going to Barber shops. They are always full of men clowning and I love to clown right with them.

“Hi, I’m Ms. Tee,” I announced confidently as I walked in, looking every man in the eye. “RaRa from the Breakfast Klub sent me your way.”

“Ok, Ms. Tee have a seat. You have one in front of you and one in the chair. The wait won’t be too long.”

“As long as ya’ll not disrespecting women, we’re gonna have a good time!” I reply flippantly.

All of the men laugh.

I love being the center of attention. When I know that all eyes are on me I put on a show. I can be very…um…what’s the word? Bitchy…but not in a bad way. The way I do it challenges men. I know this. They feel like they HAVE to tame me. They have no idea, they can’t. I’m unbridled and I love it.

The dude cut my hair very nicely. Not as good as the barber in Riverdale back in Georgia, but good enough for me to step out looking fresh. Or as the Houston people say, Cappin’.

Come on. You KNOW I was up in the barber shop asking all kinds of questions about Houston culture.

“This is supposed to be the next hot spot,” I tell them. “No one I know has anything bad to say about Houston. Now I’m a journalist so tell me about your city. Let’s start with the radio stations. What should I be listening to while I’m out here?”

Everyone smiles and one guy chimes in, “You gotta listen to Wash Allen. That boy is silly!”

“Wash Allen,” I repeat as I take out my sidekick and input the notes like a true journalist. “What station is he on?”

“1430 AM. It’s a talk radio show. Them boys be talkin bout problems and shit.”

“What time is it on?”

“From noon to 2pm.”

Ok. “What about slang? Let’s learn some local slang words,” my fingers itching to begin typing on my sidekick.

They all laugh.

“Hey,” One of them says. “I’m from Tampa originally but now I go to Texas Southern University. When I came up here these niccas ain’t know what a jit was!”

I laughed.

“What is it?” one man inquired.

I laughed even louder.

“A jit is short for jitterbug. It means young person. Or if someone is acting like a child, you say, “You actin like a jit!'”

A young man walks in. I smile and him and say, “Hey, you’re a jit!”

Everyone laughs.

Over the course of my time in the barber shop I learned several slang terms.

While I was meticulously describing the haircut that I want and showing him the pictures from my Myspace page, the barber looked at me and assured me, “This ain’t my first rodeo.” I was like, “Whuh?”

That translates to This isn’t my first time doing this. LOL! They crazy!

“So..,” the barber asked as he gave me a round edge. “What else do you do in Miami besides High sidin at the beach?”

“Whuh?”

High Sidin translates to Stuntin (Looking good; shining; profiling)

I notice a young man walk in with a tattoo on his neck. “What’s that on your neck?” I ask him.

“Its a scorpion.”

“Are you a Scorpio?”

“No, but my T-lady is.”

I wrinkly my nose. “What’s a T-lady?”

Everyone laughs. “Top lady,” two men say in unison. “Your top lady is your Mama.”

Ohhhhh……

“Ooh,” I squeal in appreciation as I admire the progress of my haircut in the mirror. “Damn, I’m fine!”

“You’re gonna be cappin tonight,” the barber says.

Cappin translates to Getting EXTRA, EXTRA Fly. “You put your Gators on. Your linen suit and you step out!” the barber explained.

~raises eyebrow~

Gators? Linen suit?

Okkk…

All In all I had a great time meeting a few Black men. Before I left two men gave me their phone numbers so we can hang out. ~wink~ And the barber followed me out to my car to give me a..what was that? Oh, it was a year planner for 2007. I didn’t understand why he would do that at first until I noticed that his number was printed on the front. He was nice though…so I’m going to call him.

Then I went to find a car wash because my car was filthy. I rode up Almeda until I saw this self car wash place like the one I used to use in Georgia and I was hoping that I’d get the same treatment I got in Georgia by playing the damsel in distress role.

I pulled up and put in my quarters, smiling at all of the men nearby.

I drop the hose thingy and get soap everywhere. “Aww man!” I gasp loudly. “I never get this right! I DON’T KNOW WHAT I’M DOING!” I say sadly.

“Don’t worry about that pretty lady,” the guy next to me says as he walks away from his beautiful silver Impala. “Let me take care of that for you.”

“Really?” I reply, faking surprise. “For ME? You are sooo nice! Thank you SOOOO MUCH!”

I stand back and allow him to do his thang. I text JB, “Hey boy, I’m washing my car, what are you doing?”

When he’s done I take his number because he seems like a nice guy and he has very nice rims on his car. LOL! Sorry, I’m from Miami. Call me shallow if you want but I LOVE a man who pulls up in a nice ride. It turns me on!

So by the time I get home and dye my hair, I’m tired. All of the men want to take me out tonight but I don’t know who to trust and I don’t know what these guys are like.

I’m having a hard time deciding so I call JB and tell him about my day.

“You betta go out and have fun Shawty!” he says. “It’s Friday. I know that’s what I’m about to do!”

I want to go out. But I don’t know about these men…

I know. I’ll go out and I won’t drink anything. I’ll just look and see who these people are and how they kick it.

I’ll let you know what happened. Let me go pick one guy at random and tell him I’ll join him.

I promise I’ll be as safe as I can be. And I’ll text all the guy’s info to Ruby or Kim so they will know where I am.

Let me go get dressed!