Wow. An old friend from elementary school posted this pic from her 11th birthday party at Six Flags. I remember that day, we were all school friends, neighborhood friends and we pretended we were cousins too. It was all about love back then. What happened to that? At what age do we begin to be competitive with other women instead of being friends with them?
I know myself and I know that I am not too friendly with other women because I don’t really want to hear them complaining about life all the time. I want to hear good stories, I want to learn new things. I don’t want to hear about every little thing that upsets you and really it’s mostly stuff you’re doing to upset yourself. I’ve noticed women create drama in their lives so they can have something to talk about. It becomes like a competition to see who has it worst. Sorry, I used to be like that but I don’t want to be in that competition anymore.
So no, I’m not friendly and I’ve learned how to have fun by myself and how to be alone and I’m good with that. Things don’t upset me anymore like they used to. I’m not afraid of things like I used to be because I’ve been to the bottom so I know what it’s like. It doesn’t scare me anymore.
Whenever anyone says something to you, you can pretty much gauge how they feel about themselves by the energy behind what they are saying. Like, if someone tries to say something insulting, you can tell that they are hurting. They want you to hurt with them. It seems to be a natural reaction to being hurt that I can’t grasp onto. I can’t get upset about it anymore, I just imagine what they are probably hurting about and then I try to send them extra love energy.
If I’m hurting, I keep to myself. I don’t answer phone calls or go anywhere where I’ll be around people because I don’t like sending that energy out. I wish others would recognize the same, but really, who am I to try to make people mature?
Tonight I’m feeling really peaceful. it’s almost Monday, which means I get 3 days off from work. It’s not like I’m going to do anything special, it’s just, I enjoy being home during the day by myself. If I could, I’d let the dogs out to play, but then I don’t want to be responsible if they run off or something. Watching them play relaxes me.
I don’t know. It’s weird but, seeing so many people interact in a chaotic way makes me appreciate myself more. Like, I don’t have to be uptight about anything. I am nothing, I recognize that. My existence is nothing, so I’m not under any pressure to be great or meet anyone’s expectations. I’m just chillin and doing the things I love to do- all the time. It’s a very simple life and I enjoy it. I’m a waitress, I come home and I hang out by myself. No added drama at all. I don’t bother anyone and I love that it’s like this.
Are you happy right now? Are you frustrated by life? I know, there are some things you feel you NEED to happen in order to be happy or successful but really, once you let go of NEEDING that thing to happen, you’ll have way more peace.
At the root of everything, that is what you want- you want peace. You may think you want a new car or a better paying job but you really want peace of mind. You can skip the steps it takes to buy this or achieve that and just decide to have peace right now.
~sigh~
It would be so nice to meet some mature women who understand this and aren’t bogged down by the need to create drama in their lives. I’m over that. I’m too old for that. I want laughter and smiles and fun.
And NOTHING has to happen in order for you to be happy- all you have to do is:
Stop demanding that others be what and who you want them to be.
Stop demanding that you become who you think you should be.
Stop deliberately exposing yourself to things or people that irritate you. You’re hurting yourself on purpose for entertainment. That’s silly.
Stop comparing yourself to others- just because you would NEVER do that, doesn’t mean it isn’t the right thing for someone else. Your way isn’t the only way. Accept that.
Just relax. Be who you are. Allow others to be who they are, even if you don’t agree. Stay away from them if they irritate you, you do have a choice.
Just relax. Show people you feel good about yourself by allowing them to feel good about who they are.
I’m on another vibe right now. I feel high without taking any drugs. I had a good night at work and no one can take that away from me. It was totally a surprise because I hate working the swing shift and tonight, I got to work with my favorite manager, this cool ass Haitian chick and one other girl who is so mellow, I forget she’s there sometimes.
I had a great night and I’m hoping to have some good dreams too.
All my love to you.
~hugs~