I am being challenged. I am being changed.

Right now there is so much going on in my mind that i lose sleep over it. I recognize myself but I dont.

I know that it is time to step up in my walk with God. I know there is more, a higher level to achieve. I know that a lot of my growth will come through the relationships that I am a part of but I dont know how to start.

My Pastor says to prepare my heart to receive the women of God that God wants to bring into my life. However, my preconception of women of God scares me to death. I picture them as holy-rollers who can’t talk about anything but the Bible, look down on other ppl who arent as saved as they are and having this weird kind of preppy school girl fun. All slumber parties and giggles and matching t-shirts. The In-Crowd at church. I am afraid that by joining myself to them I will become just what I always thought was so annoying.

“Wel, Praise the Lord!” being spoken behind every sentence, ridiculous grins plastered across their faces at all times. Just cheesy.

And with my two oldest friends things are slipping away. You know, the ppl you would run to with every detail of your life, ask their advice, be encouraged. I never thought it would come to the day where I am questioning if my two bestfriends should be such an instrumental part of my life.

It’s always been Ms. Tee, Tamara and Anna. No matter where we were. No matter who else came into our lives. It was always us three. Lately Ive been feeling so disconnected from my two best friends. And its so weird because we never needed a physical connection for us to love and bond.

I feel like whenever I talk to them they dont understand where I am trying to go in Christ. I dont believe they want to sabotage me and get me away from God, they just advise me based on what they know of God, but I’m trying to go much further in obedience and purity. I cant turn to them and expect to be provoked to righteousness. I cant give them my heart anymore and it hurts so much.

I want us to walk through this together but we are all on different pages and I feel like I am losing them. I know I compromise when I am around them, not because they encourage me to, but they allow me to.

I realize that we all are still growing but I never thought we’d grow apart. I feel so disconnected from them, to the point that I question the foundation of our friendships. Were we really as tight as we thought we were?

If I am not a part of my trio, then what am I a part of?