He Irks Me

So I get a call from my biological father on Friday night.

“Hey Tee, I’m in the area. I want to know if I can stop by.”

I hesitate. Then think to myself, Just do it, get it over with. “Sure.” I say to him. “Stop by.”

I put on some clothes and wait for him. Once again I feel obligated to entertain him. This man gets on my last nerve. ~rolls eyes~ He disgusts me actually.

He knocks on my door and I let him in. It’s his first time visiting me in my new place. I show him around and he tells me he loves my spot and compliments me on my decorating skills. We then sit down in the living room. I sit on the love seat, he’s on the couch.

He starts by reminiscing about when I was younger. He always does this. This infuriates me. This man was NOT a part of my life until I turned 23 years old and he wants to act like we have memories together.

“I remember when you were in middle school, you won this award. I was so proud.” he says. “I had people watching you. I was making sure you were okay. I used to ask your aunties for pictures of you. I would pay up to $50 for a picture.”

He’s acting like this was something to be proud of.

“So basically, you were my first fan. Admiring me from afar, right?” I challenge him and roll my eyes.

“Regardless of what happened I always loved you. You were in my heart.” he responds.

“WhatEVER! Dude, you were a grown man! If you wanted to be a part of your child’s life, you could have!”

“It wasn’t that easy. YOUR MAMA…”

I roll my eyes. This dude is SUCH a punk. He’s always talking about how my Mama would curse him out and threaten him. This dude was SCARED of my Mama! Ughhh…

“Look, my Mama was a LITTLE GIRL when you got her pregnant. You were the grown MARRIED man with 3 kids already. If you can start businesses then you can figure out how to go to court to win the right to see your child!”

We go back and forth a little bit. He’s trying to explain why he wasn’t around. “Your Mama doesn’t play Tee. I wouldn’t want to go up against her.” I’m telling him he’s weak for being scared of a WOMAN. He’s pissing me off. Then he actually says, “So you wanna go out to dinner or what, Tee?”

“NO!” I reply quickly. And then we sit in silence. But my thoughts are hot like fire! First of all DUDE, Why the hell would I want to step out the door with you? Look at you! You look like shit. You come over here with a dirty ass shirt on, wrinkled jeans and those shoes- you need to throw them shits away! Oh my GOD! Why would someone who is genetically linked to me be such a MESS?! Ughh. I would NEVER introduce you to ANYONE I know unless I had to. In fact, my own children don’t even know who you are. You disgust me on the highest level. You child molesting, running away from your responsibilities, yucky, stupid man. Ughh! I don’t see how anyone ever laid up with you.

I wish I could get my Mama to come cuss you out one good time and then maybe you’ll leave me alone since you have always been so afraid of her. ~shivers~

“I always believed things would turn out how they were supposed to. You’re doing well for yourself, Tee.”

“I sure am. Yeah, Maybe it was a good thing you weren’t in my life. Who knows what kind of a NUT I would have been if I had actually KNOWN you.”

I then asked him to leave me some money so I can order me something to eat because I was hungry. He did and he asked me AGAIN if we could get together sometime. He wants to know my sons.

“Sure.” I lie. Yeah-fucking-right.

After meeting his nasty ass TWO of my girlfriends have told me that they feel uncomfortable around him. Like he would try them if he had the chance. ~throws up~

See this is the thing. I KNOW he’s my biological father. And if I had some kind of relationship with him growing up then maybe I would not be so judgemental but um, I don’t even know this dude. And honestly I am extremely picky about the people I am around and THIS DUDE, wouldn’t make the cut. So just because he’s my biological father(sperm donor) I am supposed to lower my standards? I don’t think so.

You know, if he died I don’t think I’d cry.

I don’t think I would.

I know I wouldn’t.

I wouldn’t.

I don’t want anything from him. I don’t want his emotional phone calls. I don’t want his business. I don’t want his attention. I’ll still take some money though. But when I get straight, I don’t even want THAT.

Damn. If you’re going to be my father, can you at least be someone to measure my future husband against?

See, I’ve noticed there is a shortage of REAL MEN. If you’re wondering what are the characteristics of REAL MEN, lemme hip it to ya.

REAL MEN are responsible. They have stable jobs. They are not afraid to do what is neccessary to survive. They do what they know is RIGHT regardless of whether they want to do it or not.

REAL MEN do NOT depend on women to take care of them.

REAL MEN do not place the blame on others for their misfortune. How dare you blame HER because she has two kids by you? I’m sure she did that all by herself….right.

REAL MEN do NOT argue with women. If you’re a man who ever thinks to himself, “I’m gonna set this bitch straight” in anticipation of a verbal battle, LMAO! Basically, you’re a BITCH! Men don’t go back and forth arguing with women! HELLO! That’s what bitches do. And I’m also talking to you if you think it makes you look good to degrade a woman. The type of men who will sit down and try to verbally abuse a woman are the weakest men alive because they have to resort to vicious words because they can’t get a grip on their own emotions.

REAL MEN don’t run from mistakes. They stand tall and face the consequences. Bad credit, bad relationships, poor choices- doesn’t matter. A REAL MAN will stand and admit his mistake and then forgive himself and work to make things right again.

REAL MEN are leaders. Excuse me. Who the hell is going to follow you if you don’t have your shit together? And don’t even try to PRETEND like you can lead when you don’t even know where you’re going. Don’t drag anyone down with you. Figure that shit out. Make a plan and stick to it.

REAL MEN can recognize a good woman. They aren’t out looking for the hot thing. They understand that a woman who is a good friend to them will be a good mate for life. They don’t dismiss the “good girls” in favor of a woman playing games. They understand that a woman who isn’t about games is in reality THE BEST CHOICE.

REAL MEN are like sunshine. You look forward to seeing them and they brighten your day. A confident man who is secure with himself will actually make you feel GOOD about yourself. Positive people project positivity.

REAL MEN fear God. A man who can recognize that THEY ARE NOT GOD and can bow and respect someone higher than themselves is a man to be admired.

~sigh~

I feel better now.