Funky Stuff

I can’t believe my best friend TAMARA finally got hooked up.

Not with a man, with YAHOO MESSENGER! YAY! I think it was a year ago that she finally started using her email regularly and now this! What is this world coming to? This chick moved to Atlanta and hooked up DSL, so a few days ago I talked her through signing up for the YAHOO IM. We’ve been doing the PC to PC chatting for hours at a time while we do things around the house. It’s lovely!

We were discussing my blog one night and how different commentors responded to my Kanye post. I laughed a lot while she thought some people were just confused because, “They don’t really know you, Tee. You talk like that about people all the time.”

Yeah. I had to pause a minute. She’s so right.

In my eyes none of my friends are ‘ordinary people’. Every one of them are SUPERSTARS. When I think of my girls I see the magic in them I see the glory in them. I never see the flaws or the failures. The part of them that is most shiny and most admirable is what I focus on and I remain in awe of every woman close to me. It’s not because they’re super beautiful or super focused, it’s because there is a shining star in everyone and I choose to pinpoint that quality and magnify it out loud every chance I get.

When I have a friend or there’s someone I support I am without a doubt in their corner. No one can say ANYTHING negative about them in my presence because then I will turn into the old Ms. Tee who would have her ‘fits’ and go off on people.

To be supported by me means you always have someone who is singing your praises and going to bat for you when you need it most. I’ll help you dream. I’ll be on your team. I’ll be the WHOLE team if I have to be, in hopes that one day you achieve true happiness. Whatever that may mean to you.

Recently I’ve defined success as the completion of your goals. (I’m always redefining it). However significant or insignificant your goal may be, once you’ve achieved it, you are successful. Although this may seem to take the thunder out of the word SUCCESS, this concept is really a tool that will help you to celebrate yourself more. We are often so hard on ourselves that we never achieve happiness. We bog ourselves down with rules and deadlines as we seek to conform to other’s ideas of what we should be.

I believe true happiness comes when we define ourselves for ourselves. What makes you happy? Is it wearing granny panties everyday although you know your man doesn’t want to see that? Well, make a choice, are you more concerned with his happiness or yours? Sometimes it is okay to compromise for our partners. If more people would consider their mate when making decisions and have their mate consider them when making decisions, relationships would go a lot smoother. But always know that without that person you still are going to be you.

Imagine leaving a relationship and shedding all of those expectations placed on you by your ex. Imagine the relief. Whew! I don’t have to eat with my napkin in my lap anymore. Oh my gosh..I just realized that I never liked smoke, I only tolerated it because of him.

Why can’t we go into relationships knowing ourselves and being comfortable with that? We build these super perfect images in our minds of how we should be and we strive for it wholeheartedly having the desire to be perfect but no woman ever will be. So we put on the pretense that we are. We hide our flaws. We wear our make up. We suck in our bellies during sex. We hide our beer habits and our true desires because we’re afraid that if a man were to see who we REALLy were, they’d run like crazy.

I just want to be me.

Not saying to relax in your mess and succumb to bad habits, we should always strive for excellence. But in doing so, remember to celebrate who you are at all times. The good, the bad and the funky stuff because if you don’t no one else will.

I’m getting comfortable with the funky stuff. I don’t feel like I’m so bad after all.

Sometimes I feel like my way of thinking is soooo way off that no one will ever feel me. Sometimes I think I’m crazy. And sometimes, I just feel okay with myself.

One thing I do wish, I wish I wasn’t so frustrated all the time. It’s a fight to NOT define myself by society’s standards. It’s a struggle to accept that I don’t want to conform and I will not conform. Naw, I’m not one of those hairy legs and buckwheat under arms chicks, but, I feel like one inside.

~smile~