Dream a Little Dream

Man…

I don’t wanna be on Boulevard of Broken Dreams.

Kia is always watching that show. It depresses me. I just don’t think these people wanted it badly enough. If your dream breaks then make a new one. I don’t get it. What else would you do?

So now that I look at it all. I can see why my boys want to come back to live with me so badly, but I think it’s double sided. I bet they miss me like crazy and I KNOW they miss the fact that I catered to them and they didn’t have many responsibilities while they were with me. I was free and easy. One time I asked my boys to go clean their room and my older son popped his head out, “Can we pay someone else to do it?”

I just turned around and laughed. They get it from they Mama.

But their father is more disciplined than I am. I love that about him. He has those boys making beds and all! I laughed when I heard that. My boys even tried to “tell” on their Daddy by saying, “My Daddy makes us bathe ourselves.” They aren’t used to all of that discipline. But I know it’s good for them.

Yeah…I just loved taking care of them. I wasn’t with all that cooking and cleaning but when it came to love, affection and personal development- man…I had that on lock. When my 4 year old sees me, he immediately climbs his big behind in my lap. He’s so cute! I just cuddle him and squeeze him up. I love giving him all of my love! My 6 year old, Sugarbear, loves that too. I love that they allow me to kiss them and love on them so much. I need to give it just as much as they need to receive it.

Speaking of Love. You won’t believe what happened today. I guess after a fretful night of sleep I woke up feeling physically unfit. I felt like I was about to get sick. Throat hurting. Body aching. I got scared because last time I had these “Flu like” symptoms I was much more sick than just the flu. Damn… I don’t have insurance to go the hospital. I can’t get sick. ~shakes head~

But I went to work anyway. And ended up leaving after 2 hours. I just couldn’t stand there anymore. My body was about to shut down. I left in tears, dissappointed in myself. I don’t understand. I really like this job. Why does it hurt so badly?

I got home and called Ruby and she gave me great advice. So I went to Walgreens and bought some Theraflu, some epson salt, some rubbing alcohol, some insoles for my shoes and some Advil. She told me to soak my feet every night and wear my insoles.

Ok. I never know what to do. I’ve never had a freaking physical labor job. Dilemma..Dilemma… Damn. I love working there if it wasn’t for my body falling apart.

Then I came home and tried to rest but my mind wouldn’t let me. I feel like every second is a second wasted if I’m not writing, pitching or thinking of more creative ways to market myself as a writer. So I tell myself, “One hour of research and pitching and that’s it.” It didn’t happen. I never stopped emailing and calling. I told you I need more discipline.

Kia turns to me as I’m on the couch with my feet up, pecking away at my laptop. “Come ride with me up the street.”

I pull on my shoes and hobble to the car. I’m feeling a bit better because the Theraflu has started to kick in. We drive over to a nail shop and Kia whispers to the lady. Then the lady smiles and leads us back where Kia has a surpise for me.

She treats me to a foot massage, leg scrub and spa pedicure. I can’t believe she did that! I was almost afraid to accept her offer because I don’t like to treat myself unless I do something good. I haven’t met any of my goals here yet.

She and I stood tensely side by side while staring at the polish selection. 5’2″ and 5’2″.

“Don’t make me have to fight you,” she said politely.

“Ok. Thanks Kia.” I replied, feeling like a simp and walking over to the massage chair. But ohhh…when that lady TOUCHED ME! When she got down and rubbed my legs and feet… ooh my gosh! I almost bust one. It’s been SO long since I’ve been touched!

I miss JB. He was the last man to touch me.

~shrugs~

While I can’t control what happens in my career I can continue to pitch to editors, seek new opportunities to market myself as a writer and pray hard everyday…I do have control over my dreams.

Let’s dream a little shall we?

My Black Knight

I dream of a fine ass dark skinned Black man. He’s thinner than me and a little taller, but not by much, with glasses and a crazy sense of humor. He has facial hair because he’s a real man. He’s kind of a nerd too. He is so in love with me. He is so in love with my writing. He’s doing his thang but in his spare time, every spare moment, he’s politicking with me.

He’ll have an ownership mentality and be extremely laid back when it comes to me. My wacky emotions won’t phase him. He’s strong enough to be with a strong woman like me and he’s confident in that. He’s so successful that he comes through and sees me doing my thing, makes a solid decision (and sticks with it) and then says to me, “Baby. I see you doin’ your thang. You really got skills. I believe in you. How about you let me take care of you baby? I won’t take no for an answer. You have so much to contribute to this world, send me all of your bills. Go! Live! Be! But come back to me baby…Let me love you on those weary nights.”

He’ll write me love notes and songs. And he’ll be so fine! So fine that I get hot just thinking about him. And he’ll be ready to make some babies because as soon as I get going and can work from home I want more children because the ones I have are just AMAZING!

And he’ll KNOW who he sees in front of him. He won’t run from my intense love. He’ll love me like that too. And we’ll honor God together. With our lives. Our family. Our love for each other.

Yeah…

The Big Break

So I’m backstage with the makeup artist and my outfit is just right. I’m wearing a red top and a jazzy skirt and I have this supercute choker on. My hair is a brilliant shade of red and I look like a miniature supermodel. I can hear someone in front of a microphone speaking about me.

I’m given a nod and I walk out to grand applause and curious eyes. “Great to finally meet ya, Ms. Tee!” Oprah says to me as I take a seat on her couch. “So I hear you’re a blogger!”

The audience laughs.

“Yeah. I blog sometimes.”

“You’ve caused quite a stir with your blog, what is it- Share My World?”

“Now it’s Share My World- Houston. But before it was Share My World- Atlanta and before that, Share My World- Miami.”

Fanning herself with a cue card.”You’ve put a lot of your business out there Ms. Tee!”

I smile sheepishly.

“Everyone, take a listen to one of Ms. Tee’s entries.”

~End scene~

Look at Mommy

“Ooh Sugarbear you look great!” I say to my 6 year old son as he runs up to me smiling at the airport. His little brother soon follows and I pick him up for a quick second and give him a series of kisses all over his face.

“Ok boys…Hold Mommy’s hand okay?”

As we walk out to our car, I can hear people calling out my name. My boys are a little taken aback and I tell them that it’s okay.

“Who are they Mama? Why do they know your name?”

“Well. remember how I told you that one day Mama was going to write books, be on TV and speak to people and help them to go after their dreams. Well I did it baby. So all of these people are here because they want to meet me.”

“They’re taking your picture.”

“Yeah. It’s cool. Just smile and wave baby.”

A woman runs over with an Essence magazine and asks me to give her a hug and sign. Ofcourse I do. Before handing the magazine back to her I show it to my son. “See, Mommy wrote a story in here and look- Here’s Mommy modeling makeup for Cover Girl like I always told you I wanted to.”

As the driver opens the door to my car and my boys and I scoot in, I turn to them, “There is nothing in this world that you can’t have if you are willing to focus, learn and take a risk. You have to believe you can do anything your mind can imagine.” I smile. “Let’s go to the house.”

Sometimes dreams do come true.