Celibacy Celebration

I’ve been having problems sleeping.

On Sunday I went out to take pictures of one of the people who will appear in my next feature story and when I came back I called Tamara. We chatted for a little while and she invited me to dinner at her place. I’ll take a quick nap, pack some clothes and head down there, I thought.

When I woke up it was storming and it was after 8pm so I wrote a little bit then I sat down to watch some TV hoping I’d fall asleep by 1am.

I sat dumbly in the dark for hours on end. I was about to cry when I saw the clock read 7:00. At 7:30 I called my editor and left a message saying that I would be late for work because I wasn’t feeling well. It wasn’t exactly a lie because I have been feeling dizzy and nauseas this past weekend.

I guess I drifted off shortly thereafter but I managed to wake up by 11 and drag myself into work. I had a very productive day. For the first time it seems that I will meet my production deadlines. Everything seems to be making sense to me now and I believe I’ve developed a good working relationship with my colleagues.

I finally logged off my computer at work tonight at 7:20, said goodbye to the stragglers and walked out to my car.

“Hey!” I hear a voice call out behind me. It was Cancer, smiling and walking toward me, his camera satchel slung carelessly over one shoulder and his laptop carrier balanced on the other.

“Hi,” I smiled weakly. He makes me very nervous. For some reason, he looked nervous too.

“Um…Thank you for the card you gave me. It really brightened my day,” he said.

This morning I sent one of my friends a ‘thinking of you’ card in the mail and I noticed that I had an extra one that was inspirational. On the front it said BELIEVE. I knew that he had been kinda struggling with his confidence in chasing after his dreams so I addressed the card to him with a message that read: Don’t be afraid of success because it is just a natural part of your destiny.

I slipped it into his camera satchel as a surprise before I gave it back to him.
“No problem,”I responded to his gratitude.

He looked at the ground. I did too.

“Tell me something?” he asked, still staring at the concrete. “What is it that you want to do with your life?”

I looked directly at him, but he looked away. “I am going to be a motivational speaker, a best selling author and travel all over helping people to recognize the gift within them. It’s what I love to do most. It delights me that I can actually see something great in someone and help them to bring it out.” I shrug. “I just love celebrating people.”

“Wow.” he mumbled. “I think we need to talk sometime.”

“No problem. Just let me know,” I said and turned to open my car door.

“How about lunch tomorrow?”I heard him ask and I turn around and smile.

“Sounds like a plan.”

By the time I’m almost home I’m floating on air. I don’t know why but I have to pull over and relax my nerves at the gas station. I call Tonya. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I can’t stop shaking,” I tell her after I relay the story about him asking me to lunch. “I wish Tamara could come with us, then I wouldn’t be so nervous.”

“Get over it Tee! He’s just a boy. You are going to have to learn to deal with men on your own sometime. It’s just LUNCH.”

“I know. I know. I’m just scared.”

When I finally put my key in the door I am feeling quite giddy.

I undress and fix myself a couple of sandwhiches and then I sit down on the couch and call Tamara. That chick is nowhere to be found. I hate her!

My phone rings and it’s Dude.

We have been talking pretty regularly since I’ve been up here. He misses me. I miss him. But the conversations are pretty much the same. Tonight I have important news to share and I’m interested to see his reaction.

“Guess what?” I ask him.

“What’s up?”

“I’m celibate.”

He pauses. “Celibate?”

“Yeah.Celibate. And I feel great! I feel like all the pressure is gone and I don’t have to please anyone but myself. No one is getting any until I feel like the time and the person is right.”

“As long as that doesn’t apply to me,” he remarks.

“Ofcourse it applies to you since you are the only person I’ve been dealing with,” I say and roll my eyes.

“You know I ain’t tryin to hear that right?” He laughs.

“Well too bad. You ain’t gettin none from me so you better go look for someone else.” I say defiantly.

He’s quiet for a moment as if he is considering what I am saying.

“You know that’s mine,” he says in a whisper.

I melt. “Um…No it’s not,” I say weakly.

“Yes it is and you better be ready for me when I come up there.”

“I don’t want you to come up here,” I whine. “I don’t want nothing you got.”

“Yes you do. You miss me don’t you?”

I sigh. “No.”

“Tell me it’s mine.” He says this in a tone that he KNOWS drives me crazy. I tremble.

“Leave me alone,” I whine.

“Tell me it’s mine,” he demands.

I shiver.

I hate him.

“And guess what else I’m gonna do to you when I see you…” he begins and I allow the memory of familiar -heat stroking booty slapping quit your job cuz it’s so damn good you don’t need money to survive- lust to take over…

“Is that all you want Daddy?” I purr into the phone.

Thank God he doesn’t live up here. It’s easy to be celibate when you have no temptation.