Blow My Mind

I love Dallas.

Let me tell you about how the vibe in this city is electric. Maybe I’m overcharged or something but I am so impressed by the people I’m meeting. They are so warm and friendly. The guys I meet know how to keep their distance (most of them) but still be friendly.

Except this one time, let me tell you what happened tonight, I got a call from the guy I went on the walk with, the one said he was “the realest nicca”.

“Happy Birthday,” he said. “I got something for ya.”

So I went over there and we were talking and he asked me why I wasn’t with anyone. I then told him that I believe God has a special man for me and I don’t want to cheat on him.”

He was like, “What?”

Then we proceed to have this conversation debating the strengths and weeknesses of dating. “I don’t want to. I feel like I’m cheating.” I told him that flat out.

Then he said, “So you’re saying that I can’t even speak of anything sexual when I’m with you?”

“No. I don’t feel comfortable with that.”

“We got a problem, Lil Mama,” he paused and adjusted his baseball cap. “I got enough friends.”

I was like, “Damn! The realest nicca INDEED!” That kinda turned me on, except I love my future husband much more so whatever. I stood up and grabbed my stuff. I left.

Damn! These men in Dallas are trying to HIT! And they are so smooth and cute too. The old me would have had a good time, but it doesn’t feel right anymore. Maybe I’m getting old? LOL! Naw..I’m the perfect age. I don’t feel like having to play games with men. I’m too honest. I hate playing stupid little indirect communicative games. Just say what you feel. I have to respect that and act according to the standards I set for my life. Even though I didn’t like what he said, I respect him for knowing what he wanted and being bold enough to ask for it. I would have done the same thing.

He’s so dumb you should never say something like that to a woman. No matter what she says if she finds you attractive she will fuck you eventually. It’s better to start off as friends anyway. Keep it light. Keep it breezy. Build up some tension.

“I see you with that chick,” I’d say.

“I saw you with that dude.”

Whatever. You ain’t ready.

Oh God..I have such an imagination… I don’t know what to do with it.

I’m not desperate for attention and focus from a man right now. I don’t have to compromise my beliefs just to keep someone sitting next to me. I can be alone.

I have to make a decision.

I am waiting for a very great man to come into my life. I have to be on his level or surpassing him when I meet him. I want him to be equally as proud of me as I will be of him. I have to stop looking at these chocolate covered cuties and thinking that we can be “friends”. I’m leaving these men alone. I have to FOCUS.

The goal is to become proficient in all forms of media. If I can do this I can choose anything I want. So far I have done well in all of the fields I have tried. I’d love to see what else I can do. Maybe I’ll be great at all of it and then I can do ANYTHING and I’d do it ALL! Oh my gosh! I’ll be able to take care of my kids forever!

I just have to find out which facet of journalism I could be most successful in and make that my springboard. Ohhh…I can’t wait to really pour out my all.

My birthday was great! My sons called me EARLY this morning to tell me Happy Birthday. “Are you writing like you always do?” My older son asked.

“Not at the moment Boo Boo,” I said.

Everyone called me and sang to me, facebooked me and myspaced me, emailed me and texted me ALL DAY LONG! I was really feeling the love!

I may be here in Dallas but I’m not alone, my people are here with me through the spirit of wireless.

I REALLY, REALLY just…..want to give my gift. It’s such a burden on my heart. I want to be in a place where I can create with no interference and unlimited resources. I wanna blow my own mind.

Damn…

I broke up with Kanye & The Prez in my mind. Neither of them called or sent a gift. I can’t put up with men who don’t acknowledge me for my birthday. Done.

~folds arms and looks away~