Behind those Green Eyes

No matter how many times someone says to me, “Wow. Your eyes are so pretty!” I am still a little taken aback by it. When you’re used to seeing yourself everyday sometimes it’s difficult to recognize the things that are special about you. Add the fact that my Mama has green eyes too and I don’t feel so special after all. ~shrugs~

There are only a few posts that people have written that have actually stuck with me. My favorite was from a blogger who calls herself Black Girl in Iowa, it was a story about how so many women complain about not having a man but in reality their choices leave them single and solitary.

Another blogger once wrote something like, ‘I find myself not liking people, even when they have not given me a reason to dislike them.’ This was just a random comment in his post but it stuck with me because I remembered feeling like that. I remember WHY I felt like that too. I disliked a woman who had done ABSOLUTELY nothing to me because… I was jealous of her.

Why else would someone take the time to display unnacceptance to someone who they had limited interactions with? After I realized why I disliked this woman, I was shocked. Never in my entire life had any woman caused me to feel inadequate. In fact, when I am around other women, it reminds me of why I’m special and different and it makes me appreciate myself more. But this woman, I felt, was all-around tighter than I was.

After realizing I was being immature, I got to know her better and realized that she wasn’t as tight as I thought she was. The thing about her was, I was so busy comparing her great qualities to my great qualities that I never recognized that she was human and probably had struggles too. I made sure not to push her away again. The smart way to deal with your insecurities is to face them head on. Now, when I meet a woman who impresses me, I immediately make an effort to befriend her. That’s why all of my friends are tight. We shouldn’t have to fight to push someone else down to preserve our status. Three great minds thinking and creating together are far more powerful than a lone ranger seeking to hog all the glory.

Most times when I am involved in organizations, I’ll admit it, I don’t fit in. That group of girls that clique together, those women at work who have lunch together everyday. Those people at the gym who go for coffee after the workout, I’m NEVER in the ‘IN’ crowd- and I don’t expect to be.

It got me down at first. It made me question myself and wonder why I was always on the outside looking in. Then EUREKA I figured it out! I don’t fit in because I’m not average. The average office clique is a crew of gossipping people who don’t really have friends outside of work. I don’t gossip (negatively anyway) and I don’t like to feel like I’m socially obligated. If you are a part of any organization people have certain social expectations of you. If you don’t adhere to those expectations, immediately one (or more) of the group behaves in a certain negative manner to let you know that your non comformity is not acceptable. They do it to make you feel bad and ultimately force you to conform to their wishes.

I don’t fall for it.

You don’t invite me to your house for a bbque- So what? I have friends of my own.

I walk into the sorority meeting and immediately get snickers because I skipped the party to hang out with my girls who were friends BEFORE I met you- so what? I mean, are we 9 years old?

How does this immature behaviour follow us to adulthood? Why are there people out there who STILL thrive on making others feel unaccepted?

All of my life, I have fought to be the opposite of these people. If someone looks like they are lonely, I invite them to hang with me until they find their place. You don’t gain love by pushing people away and creating exclusive groups. You are then surrounded by followers who will do anything for your acceptance. Those are the weak people who will turn on you in a heartbeat when someone stronger appears and takes over.

I saw it when I worked at the VA Hospital after college. The woman I replaced when I first started working there was obviously one of the social leaders. But before she left, a new lady was hired and that lady was even more AGGRESSIVE than she was. So everyone started following her around. LOL! That shit was very funny to watch. It seemed like everyone was clamoring for her acceptance.

Well into adulthood men and women deal with insecurity. Who do you think there are so many self help books out there? They all basically say the same thing: BELIEVE IN YOURSELF.

This year I found myself struggling with the green eyed monster myself. Not once but TWICE I found myself having these feelings of jealousy towards friends. This is deep for me because like I said before, women don’t usually make me feel insecure. When I recognized what it was I had to shake myself, admit what I was feeling and try to understand it. Then I told my friend what I was feeling and apologized for acting distant/bitchy with her.

The funny thing is, just like the first time I experienced jealousy when I was in college, these last two times yielded the same result. After I took my focus off of comparing myself to them I began to see a side of them that I hadn’t noticed before. Most people have issues and things that they struggle with, these women were just better at disguising them.

Everyone deals with their issues differently. There’s no right or wrong way as long as the issue is addressed. My way is bold, LOUD and out in the open. Your way may be to search your soul in secret. It doesn’t matter. Simply recognize the feeling, accept it and decide if it’s beneficial to your life.

The best advice I’ve read ALL YEAR was in a e-book that a friend gave to me. It said something like, ‘If you want to attract a certain type of woman, then BECOME the type of man that woman will want.’ That’s it right there! Self improvement!

If you think someone is too good for you, MAKE YOURSELF BETTER! Improve. Get another degree. Learn how to cook. Study fashion magazines or ask a friend to take you shopping. When I really want something NICE to wear I take my girl Dianna with me. I ain’t scared! Don’t be afraid to admit you need help.

Instead of hating the one you admire, become a person you can admire.